Michael 93 Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 Been in NC with her now for I don't even know how long. Have seriously not been counting the days and would have to go over previous posts to work that out. Its too difficult trying to find the page number so you know I've had a bit of a setback today. Haven't heard/seen her in a very long time. Last time being when she text me regarding the titanic thing. Since Venice I haven't been doing too bad, continuing with gym, going out, looking into next trips etc. My best friend who is in the army he has been stationed over in Canada for the last 4 months now he was aware of the break up obviously and supported me after it. The last he heard I hadn't implemented NC and was still in the middle of the merry go round of meeting up and calling etc. I hadn't heard from him for a while and this morning whilst at work I see a message from him! It was not good news............. Turns out he has recently got instagram whilst in Canada. He had added my ex. What I woke up to was a bombardment of pictures from my exes profile. New, Old, You name it. He just put oh mate look at this. He didnt know any better to be fair to him. I am shellshocked to be honest. It affected me crazily. I feel a little better now, but the instant feeling of being upset hit me so hard, i immediately felt sick still do a little bit now. I have come on here because I feel very very tempted to contact her to see how she is doing, I don't know why and I know it is not good which is why I have come on here. I feel like I miss her so much since seeing those pictures. She knows who my best friend is, so I'm shocked at the fact she has even accepted him. I find that a bit unusual?? I feel a little weird that she may think it's me stalking her. However I hope she looks at his profile so she can see he is in Canada and that's not the case. She looked awesome, but again when I look at her It wasn't the girl that I used to know, I can tell she is still doing her fitness thing she looks much leaner and can tell she has lost weight. Its weird to see actually. She seems very popular from the people on her pictures and seems to be very much enjoying herself partying. Finding the urge to text really difficult at the moment.
Frankie L Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 Am I right in thinking you work together? Have you had any contact with this woman since then? If I remember reading there was a phone call you had answered? I can understand how much of an urge you may have at the moment. You must look and think if enough time has passed for you to try and rekindle even a platonic relationship with this woman? Its been 9 months since you have split up, if she has made no concious effort to try and speak other than a couple of times what are you fighting for? Sure, she would of known who it was adding her, I am baffled also as to why she would of accepted knowing. Especially as he more than likely has you in pictures with him. She knows. As for her changing. People do, life has a funny way of working sometimes. I know how hard this has been on you this year its up to you to work out whether or not its worth talking. From our Direct Messages you say you have a works annual day at a theme park in a couple of weeks? why don't you leave it until then and see how you feel then.
Author Michael 93 Posted September 3, 2014 Author Posted September 3, 2014 Am I right in thinking you work together? Have you had any contact with this woman since then? If I remember reading there was a phone call you had answered? I can understand how much of an urge you may have at the moment. You must look and think if enough time has passed for you to try and rekindle even a platonic relationship with this woman? Its been 9 months since you have split up, if she has made no concious effort to try and speak other than a couple of times what are you fighting for? Sure, she would of known who it was adding her, I am baffled also as to why she would of accepted knowing. Especially as he more than likely has you in pictures with him. She knows. As for her changing. People do, life has a funny way of working sometimes. I know how hard this has been on you this year its up to you to work out whether or not its worth talking. From our Direct Messages you say you have a works annual day at a theme park in a couple of weeks? why don't you leave it until then and see how you feel then. Yes we work together. I hear her on the phone to colleagues every now and again that's pretty much about it. That's about as much contact as we have had in the last few months other than her texting me. I'm so tempted to just reach out and say "hey how are you? Long time" That's not a good idea. I know that. I don't think I'm going to do it but I seriously feel like it. She looked so good. Nothing like the girl I knew man and that hurts a lot. See she could think that because I deafed her out last time she doesn't want to know. I'm not sure. There was nothing of her and the guy she saw after me, there was pictures of her and other guys though, he said it doesn't look as if its like that though. She is putting captions of her like in bed (looked amazing) "off to bed early start tomorrow gym then straight to work" Like I know its only small but that's really out of character for her to write stuff like that. Why is my mind doing overtime with this again? I really want to talk to her. How can some pictures do this man
Simon Phoenix Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 Michael, you've done so well. Please don't spoil your recovery in a fit of dumbassery. There's literally nothing positive that would come of this from you. Stay strong, don't cave (remember how awful it was when you'd cave all the time) and let this pass. I guarantee in 48-72 hours, probably less, you'll be done with this. Good for you for coming on here first instead of texting. But please, don't make the same mistake you've made a bunch of times. You're better than that. 3
Chi townD Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 (edited) I agree with Simon, dude! Damn, go figure. Just when you think you have all your bases covered, something slips through the cracks. Well, your friend didn't know about your strict NC rule. Hopefully, you explained it to him. Just tell him that you would rather not hear or see anything about her. That you took the break up rather badly and in order for you to move on, you've been sticking to a strict NC rule. If he's your friend, he'll understand. But, also tell him about how well it's been working for you and tell him about your accomplishments. Hell, send him pictures of your trip to Venice so he can see that you're alright and not some sulking hermit (please tell me you took pics during your trip). Don't worry about the pics he sent you. Think about it, she knows you blocked her off of social media. So, she did not post them for your benefit. Those had absolutely nothing to do about you. But you better have deleted those!!!! I know you still have them! Delete! Damn, I feel like a sponsor at an AA meeting. So, in order for you to get your mind off of your Ex, tell me what positive changes you've been making. What new hobbies do you have, where's the next trip, I forgot already. ANd what's the gameplan with it? Edited September 3, 2014 by Chi townD 1
Lostdreams Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 Mike please hang in there - you're kind of a hero for me - your thread was one that got me posting here in the first place, I was touched by your struggles, the support you received and the progress you made - this gave me strength just in reading it Think back to how far you've come - the bottom line is you are a great guy and you deserve way better -this has not changed one iota. Yes this is a temporary set-back which is hard to manage because it came from nowhere and caught you by surprise ......... but you can also ride this wave and not give in to it and just keep remembering all those Italian beauties you saw ......... keep your chin up and this will pass as well 1
Magnet Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 Yes we work together. I hear her on the phone to colleagues every now and again that's pretty much about it. That's about as much contact as we have had in the last few months other than her texting me. I'm so tempted to just reach out and say "hey how are you? Long time" That's not a good idea. I know that. I don't think I'm going to do it but I seriously feel like it. She looked so good. Nothing like the girl I knew man and that hurts a lot. See she could think that because I deafed her out last time she doesn't want to know. I'm not sure. There was nothing of her and the guy she saw after me, there was pictures of her and other guys though, he said it doesn't look as if its like that though. She is putting captions of her like in bed (looked amazing) "off to bed early start tomorrow gym then straight to work" Like I know its only small but that's really out of character for her to write stuff like that. Why is my mind doing overtime with this again? I really want to talk to her. How can some pictures do this man It's a breadcrumb but my opinion of people who share small unimportant stuff like that on social media are just looking for validation. For example, I ran 4 miles yesterday. I go swimming occasionally. I go to bed early. Big deal. I don't put it up on social media. She is just looking for validation. Another thing- nothing is as it seems. For all you know she never did get up early haha! Point is- don't give your limited seconds to life thinking about these things. Your time is ticking down. Don't give any more. Don't cave in. It will pass. Well done for putting it up before doing anything. That in itself is a measure of your progress- part of you knew "NOT A GOOD IDEA" and we are here to reassure you and take you back from the edge. By the way- I work in the same company as my ex too. I have to face the gauntlet every day as I go up the stairs and she is sat directly opposite the open spiral stairs. I've mastered the art of half staring through her.. So I feel you man. 1
Author Michael 93 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 Update: thank you guys for the replies I read them last night but got a really early night because I was dying from shoulder press :lmao: The good news is I didn't message her and now just like you mentioned Simon the urge has faded. I feel much much better today actually. Infact as I'm writing this I'm feeling pretty damn good!? I explained to my friend I didn't want to hear it again and his reply was "roger" he's a bit of a funny comedian type guy lol he sure knows how to crack me up so at least now he is in the know.. Yesterday when he initially sent me the pictures it was a little shock to the system kind of. I mean I haven't seen this girl in 3 months so it was like woah Again its another hurdle I have gotten past. Kind of against the rules I had set him but he explained today that she has followed him back on instagram, I think she has a slight suspicion what she is doing, I mean she knows he's my best friend right? But you know what... I just don't care. Whatever, enjoy yourself, go nuts. Post nude pics for all I care, Magnet I totally agree with you with regards to the validation thing excellent theory. And she was never ever like that when we were together, I'm being serious. Its like now she is in the limelight and everyone is taking notice of her you know? Again, a form of validation. I forgot to mention there was a picture of womens sex toys on there aswell with a funny caption!! It was in a jokey way, but she was never ever like that. She was very reserved and quiet, caring and not many people were involved in her life. It seems as if she has just had a major blow out and life reversal. If that is the case then fair play to her, all the best. I know nobody will ever love her like I did and that gives me comfort and satisfaction.. Simon you were totally right when you said this would die down in a couple of days. If anything I feel much stronger today, why is that!? And Chi I will DM you with details I've got a lot going on right now Heading out to badminton in a couple of hours to get my ass handed to me by my colleague . Hope you are well man.
Author Michael 93 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 Mike please hang in there - you're kind of a hero for me - your thread was one that got me posting here in the first place, I was touched by your struggles, the support you received and the progress you made - this gave me strength just in reading it Think back to how far you've come - the bottom line is you are a great guy and you deserve way better -this has not changed one iota. Yes this is a temporary set-back which is hard to manage because it came from nowhere and caught you by surprise ......... but you can also ride this wave and not give in to it and just keep remembering all those Italian beauties you saw ......... keep your chin up and this will pass as well @Lostdreams I just want to say that was lovely for me to read, really uplifting thank you very much I'm glad I can be of assistance. It is people like you and the others on this board that give me the belief there are kind people in this world. I am happy to have contributed to your progress and hope I can continue to do so. You have given me a major boost this afternoon and for that, thank you. Best Wishes Mike 1
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