jellybean Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 Oh oh oh.....just recalled something else he did one time. We had a 2 &1/2 relationship BTW, and he really was the most romantic b/f I ever had - sounds alot like the way YOU are. Anyways, it's not about the gifts he gave me - it's about the CREATIVE ways in which he did it. I mentioned to him how I planned on getting another plant for my livingroom, so he shows up one night with a nice, large, leafy, potted plant and I just thought that was so sweet, and thanked him. Then he say's "Did you take a close look at that plant"? So I go over and examine the plant, and lo and behold I spot a beautiful, gold-chain necklace dangling off one of the leaves. My point is : I am sometimes overwhelmed at how romantic men can be - showing your girl affection, even in the smallest of ways is SUCH a turn-on. It has little to do with gifts, but the sincere effort a man makes to show his girl that she's special. You sound like a real sweetheart iceisles, and I hope you have a great date!
Author iceisles Posted March 3, 2005 Author Posted March 3, 2005 Originally posted by jellybean You sound like a real sweetheart iceisles, and I hope you have a great date! Thanks, jellybean. I am definitely creative - the most recent thing I did for my (ex) g/f was write a song and sing it to her. I won't win a Grammy anytime soon, but she really enjoyed it.
Hund1976 Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 Save all the creative sweet ideas until you've been dating for awhile. The first few dates just bring yourself. If that doesn't win her over then at least you didn't waste any extra money to find that out.
reservoirdog1 Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 Giving a small gift on a second date is a good idea, but the operative word is SMALL. You want her to be moved by the gesture, not flipping over what you gave her. It should have some connection to something you've established between you two in previous conversations. I have a second date tonight, and I'm taking the girl a burned CD of music by one artist I mentioned in the midst of a previous chat about musical tastes. She's not familiar with the artist (and no, it's not Prince), it cost me basically nothing, it's a token, and it shows that some thought was put into the date in advance. And, I agree... flowers are way too much this early.
nicki Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 I agree with everyone else: no flowers yet, but soon Just bring your fun self and have great manners. I wouldn't even kiss her at the end of the date. Just lean in real close, let her smell how WONDERFUL you smell, then plant a gentle, sexy kiss on her cheek....leave her wanting more! Personally, i like it when a guy kisses me on the third date -- when i'll definitely be feeling hot for him if i'm out with him for the third time. Back to flowers. Here's an idea: ask her during one of your next few dates what her favorite flower is. Be smooth about this and work it into a conversation. You can say something like: "Have you ever been to the Arboretum? (btw, good date if your city has one), say "They have the most amazing spring blooms...blah blah...what's YOUR favorite flower?" When you do send her flowers, remember and send her some of those. A guy sent me daisies once because he remembered i said i liked them. wow, he scored BIG gotta-have-you now points!! Just forget all this stuff, and have a great time. She likes you already.
nicki Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 OMG, now i'm taking a trip down memory lane about the daisies and have to add something. i remember that he asked me WHY daisies were my favorite flowers. i really liked that. i told him that daisies bloom under adverse conditions. they are strong, as well as beautiful... he said: "oh, like you..." (sigh ) again, have fun...and report back
Author iceisles Posted March 5, 2005 Author Posted March 5, 2005 Originally posted by nicki OMG, now i'm taking a trip down memory lane about the daisies and have to add something. i remember that he asked me WHY daisies were my favorite flowers. i really liked that. i told him that daisies bloom under adverse conditions. they are strong, as well as beautiful... he said: "oh, like you..." (sigh ) again, have fun...and report back Thanks, nicki. The plan is that she's going to meet me at my place in the late afternoon, we'll go to dinner and a movie, then she wants to come back here to watch TV. It should be a pretty fun day. And I'm glad this girl isn't full of raging hormones - the last date I had, the girl wanted to pounce on me, and I thought that was way too fast. Plus I'm having problems with...well, that stuff, so that's another reason I just want to take things very slow. It's MUCH better that way, anyway.
nicki Posted March 5, 2005 Posted March 5, 2005 well, you may have to forgive her if she pounces on you... the old "let's watch tv at your house" line was my favorite way of showing a guy physical interest. If she does pounce (who could blame her, right?), then let her know gently that you really like her, are very attracted to her, but want to take things slow because she's worth it... Sounds like you want the whole deal: mind, body and soul.... again, have a funtastic time!
Author iceisles Posted March 6, 2005 Author Posted March 6, 2005 Last night's date went very well. She showed up an hour late, but it didn't mess our plans up much. We had a really nice conversation over dinner, then a caught a movie, then came back to my place to watch TV for a couple of hours. She left around 2 AM. We spent much of the date joking around and cuddling up together, which was really nice. She also initiated a REALLY nice kiss (on the lips) at the end of the night. I really like her, and it was nice to spend the evening together. However, when I asked if I could see her again, she was less than definitive. She responded with "I'm sure we could do that" but added "I'm not really looking to rush into anything right now". Even though she's recently out of a 5-year marriage, I took the latter to mean that she's not really that into me. I'm usually pretty good at gauging such feelings. I really don't expect there to be a second date, and while I liked her a lot, I've gotten used to these one hit wonders. At least we had fun for a few hours.
nicki Posted March 6, 2005 Posted March 6, 2005 i'm so glad you posted about last night...i was wondering how it all went. sounds like you both had a great time. maybe the reason she said she "wasn't ready to rush into anything" is because she is scared. i've said that a time or two, sometimes when i didn't like the guy, but SOMETIMES because i really, really liked him and didn't want to get hurt...(yeah, just try to figure us women out! ) but a guy can't talk a woman into feeling secure, it comes with time. if you really like her and want to see her again, you might try this: 1. agree with her about the not rushing into stuff. tell her that you are glad she feels that way, that you aren't ready for that either. keep it short, sweet. smile and be confident. you are a man with options, right? you bet you are. you like her, but you want to wait and see, too.... 2. back off. i wouldn't shower her with compliments or act too puppy-dog interested in her (a little bit is good, though). the only way she will relax enough to go out again is if you give her space. don't call her for a few days. (this will give her time to think about what a great time she had.) and for god's sake, don't start calling her every day after that. keep her wanting more at this point. 3. i know this stuff sounds like games, and at first, it usually is. sorry, but it's true. later, you can give her all of you, and she'll be ready for it....so i'd ask her out again, but not for next weekend. be busy doing other stuff. let her wonder who else is in competition for you...(you are hot stuff, and in demand!) 4. call her to go out for the weekend after next...again, be confident, short and sweet when you ask her. have something specific in mind, like a concert, theater show (something different than a movie.) if she says no, say "no problem." then don't call her, or ask her out again -- that is, unless she truly can't go and offers another time. and if she says "yes," don't gush. of course she would go out with you again, right? of course, just my opinion. you sound like you would be a wonderful and thoughtful boyfriend for any woman....just remember women freak out at the beginning...they like their man to be interested in them and confident in themselves....not too much emotional stuff too early...then later, when they are sure that you are a sincere person, then they love it! BUT, YOU HAD A DATE WITH ANOTHER GIRL!! GOOD FOR YOU. YOU ARE IN THE GAME...
Author iceisles Posted March 6, 2005 Author Posted March 6, 2005 Apparently she was caught off guard by me asking if I could see her again. I asked her if she would be comfortable hanging out if we took things slowly, and she said that she definitely wants to spend time together but wants to be "cautious." She didn't elaborate on what "cautious" meant, but I guess I should be happy that she still wants to see me. I like this girl a lot - just as much as my last high school crush, and we are talking 7 or 8 years ago. What do you all make of the situation?
nicki Posted March 6, 2005 Posted March 6, 2005 at this point, just agree with her. you want to be "cautious," too. remember, she just got out of a bad marriage. she probably wants to make sure she makes a good choice the next time around.
Author iceisles Posted March 6, 2005 Author Posted March 6, 2005 Originally posted by nicki if you really like her and want to see her again, you might try this: 1. agree with her about the not rushing into stuff. tell her that you are glad she feels that way, that you aren't ready for that either. keep it short, sweet. smile and be confident. you are a man with options, right? you bet you are. you like her, but you want to wait and see, too.... 2. back off. i wouldn't shower her with compliments or act too puppy-dog interested in her (a little bit is good, though). the only way she will relax enough to go out again is if you give her space. don't call her for a few days. (this will give her time to think about what a great time she had.) and for god's sake, don't start calling her every day after that. keep her wanting more at this point. 3. i know this stuff sounds like games, and at first, it usually is. sorry, but it's true. later, you can give her all of you, and she'll be ready for it....so i'd ask her out again, but not for next weekend. be busy doing other stuff. let her wonder who else is in competition for you...(you are hot stuff, and in demand!) 4. call her to go out for the weekend after next...again, be confident, short and sweet when you ask her. have something specific in mind, like a concert, theater show (something different than a movie.) if she says no, say "no problem." then don't call her, or ask her out again -- that is, unless she truly can't go and offers another time. and if she says "yes," don't gush. of course she would go out with you again, right? of course, just my opinion. you sound like you would be a wonderful and thoughtful boyfriend for any woman....just remember women freak out at the beginning...they like their man to be interested in them and confident in themselves....not too much emotional stuff too early...then later, when they are sure that you are a sincere person, then they love it! Hey nicki - I've already told her that I'm not looking to rush into anything, and I plan on backing off a little bit. The weekend after next, we are going to a concert. We are also going to another concert next month - one she really wanted to see. So, there are some things on the schedule. In the interim, I will keep the mushy stuff to a minimum and give her room to breathe. I just don't know how she feels about me. I guess it's not bad that she said she had a great time last night and that she wants to continue to spend time together. My friend also said that it was good that she kissed me and let me cuddle with her, but I'm not reading too much into things. I know there are good things going here, but I'm worried. I've been leading late in the game many times before, only to see it slip away.
nicki Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 hey, stay positive about all of this. you are a winner, ice, with or without her.
Bronzepen Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles I just don't know how she feels about me. I guess it's not bad that she said she had a great time last night and that she wants to continue to spend time together. My friend also said that it was good that she kissed me and let me cuddle with her, but I'm not reading too much into things. I know there are good things going here, but I'm worried. I've been leading late in the game many times before, only to see it slip away. First, congrats on your date IceIsles. Well done. Now, remember what I told you. Don't try to read into it too much. She kissed you, girls don't kiss guys they don't like. Nicki gave you good advice. Don't smother her or call her everyday. Even IM. You have plans already to see her again when you go to the concert, so leave it at that. Take it nice and slow, especially if this is also what she want's.
Author iceisles Posted March 7, 2005 Author Posted March 7, 2005 Originally posted by Bronzepen First, congrats on your date IceIsles. Well done. Now, remember what I told you. Don't try to read into it too much. She kissed you, girls don't kiss guys they don't like. Nicki gave you good advice. Don't smother her or call her everyday. Even IM. You have plans already to see her again when you go to the concert, so leave it at that. Take it nice and slow, especially if this is also what she want's. Thanks, Bronze. I was glad that she kissed me - obviously she likes me a little. And she didn't seem to care when I was messing up her hair. Lol. You don't think I should ask if she'd like to see a movie this weekend? I'm not going to smother her, but I do want to see her more. I've been thinking of her a lot ever since we started talking.
blind_otter Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 I'm a spaz when I like someone I am all over them like white on rice. BUT, she sounds like she is a lot more restrained. Why not just ask her for some abbreviated hang out sort of thing, like lunch or coffee. I like going out to lunch with people because I only get an hour or so, from work, so there's like a defined amount of time you can hang. Just a thought....
Bronzepen Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles Thanks, Bronze. I was glad that she kissed me - obviously she likes me a little. And she didn't seem to care when I was messing up her hair. Lol. You don't think I should ask if she'd like to see a movie this weekend? I'm not going to smother her, but I do want to see her more. I've been thinking of her a lot ever since we started talking. No, don't. Your going against her wishes. You will scare her away. Remember you have something already setup with her. If she calls you then talk to her but don't set anything up. Talk about the up and coming concert. Time is on your side. Patience. You will get to see her soon enough.
Author iceisles Posted March 7, 2005 Author Posted March 7, 2005 I will restrain myself from IMing her too much, but it's hard. She is always available (via her phone) and there are lots of times I want to chat with her. Instead I'll keep my messenger up and see if she initiates anything. I am slowly getting better at this entire patience thing, and I certainly see the benefits of giving people some breathing room now and then. I won't call her until late tomorrow night, either.
alphamale Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter I am all over them like white on rice.
Author iceisles Posted March 7, 2005 Author Posted March 7, 2005 She spoke to me for 3.5 hours online today - while she was at work! I am really impressed!
blind_otter Posted March 8, 2005 Posted March 8, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles She spoke to me for 3.5 hours online today - while she was at work! I am really impressed! THat says nothing! You just give good IM. hahaha
Author iceisles Posted March 8, 2005 Author Posted March 8, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter THat says nothing! You just give good IM. hahaha Right on cue, things are starting their downhill slide. The dreams are only alive for a little while.
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