claptrap2 Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 First thing I will say is that me and my now ex dated for nearly 2 years. I am 27 and she is 21. Things had always been going great for us except she battled depression. Some days she would be fine and in love and the next would be to herself or very snappy at me. So I spent all my time and energy trying to be there for her. She tells me that in her previous relationship she had been mentally abused and almost cheated with a friend to try and get out of the relationship she was in. So fast forward to about 3 to 4 months ago and we had a mutual friend that we hung out with. Bear in mind he is going through and divorce at the moment. One night when we were all hanging out he made the comment that he wouldn't mind seeing parts of her body. From that point on I lost all trust in him. After this happens he constantly would text her and never text me back. So this texting between them increases at such a rate that I finally have to say something about it. Of course this was met with anger that I didn't trust her and that he was only a friend. This guy works at a business that we both would frequent and hang out cause we were friends with the owners. I noticed over time that she wanted to go to visit more and more and the texts kept increasing. So this became a constant argument between us. I wasn't comfortable with how much they were talking and how much we had to go by the business. Eventually we got into a huge argument one day when she was home and in the same town as him. She tells me I'm controlling her cause I am uneasy with how close they have become so quick. She ignores me for a day or two due to the fight and then when we do talk she says that she doesn't think she can love or trust me because of how uneasy it made me. So two weeks later we break up and I don't talk to her for about a week. Today she texts me saying she wants to talk about things. I'm expecting we are going to patch things up. But I find out that the same night we had the huge fight she went over to his house and slept with him. She then proceeds to tell me for 2 hours that I was never wrong and she just wanted to play victim and wanted the attention. The reason she broke up with me was because she cheated. She waited over 2 weeks to tell me and in between that time we hung out with the guy at his house because he was feeling sad and she wouldn't ever put her phone down cause he wouldn't stop texting her. So I'm very angry at both of them but she literally destroyed my heart. She spent so much time today telling me how great I was and that she messed up horribly. But what is really confusing me is that we texted hours later and she was being the complete opposite. She was being very mean to me and telling me she didn't have to report anything to me anymore. I'm just so confused as to what's going on in her mind and how I can protect myself. After all this I still have a love for her. I dunno why but I still do. Anybody have any advice to maybe help me? I'm devastated. Thanks anybody and everybody that replies
Jason808 Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 I'm very sorry to hear what you are going through, I know I haven't been through a similiar situation like you but here is my opinion You said she almost cheated once and the fact that she now has cheated on you is telling me she will cheat again.. If my (ex)girlfriend would sleep with a friend of mine I would've removed them both out of my life instantly. For me the definition of a friend is not cheating with another friend's girlfriend/wife. Your "friend" is a bad friend and he obviously doesn't care about your feelings, you do not need people like this around you. Now about your ex.. Your ex is a total bitch, she proved that no matter how she is treated she will cheat anyway. Your ex is immature and a lousy partner, I like to think: "What goes around comes around" and I honestly believe this is true. My ex told me she f--ked another guy too, not my friend though and we were already broken up for about 2 months but I still felt like sh-t. What you don't realise yet (and I don't blame you because neither did I) is that there are much better girls out there, girls that don't cheat, girls that do respect your feelings. Trust me, you will be fine, you had badluck that you fell in love with the wrong person, a person that didn't care about your feelings enough. Stay strong, keep NC and in a few months you will laugh at your pathetic ex girlfriend and your fake "friend". For support you can always go to this forums, it helped me alot after the BU and even though the community isn't always nice to you, they are real and want to help you. 2
ImSoLostWithoutYou Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 Being in the same situation as you i recommend you to seek information about the red pill on reddit and begin your trip to happiness.
Zahara Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 I'm just so confused as to what's going on in her mind and how I can protect myself. After all this I still have a love for her. I dunno why but I still do. Anybody have any advice to maybe help me? I'm devastated. Thanks anybody and everybody that replies OP, I may be harsh but women like her love to have men like you in their life. Men that act like doormats are a benefit to them because they can come and go as and when they please and Mr. Doormat will always be there to cater to their moods, their needs, their requests, their issues, etc. The woman cheated on you. Gaslighted you. Lied to you. She's now being mean to you again even when she's a damn ex-gf. And here you are communicating with her and trying to alleviate her guilt -- even worse had intentions of getting back with her. Unbelieveable. Stop being a damn doormat. No contact. Cut her out and grieve this. Understandable you have an emotional connection but that doesn't justify going back nor does it justify you shut both eyes and pretend nothing happened because of your feelings. Block her. Shut her out.
Author claptrap2 Posted September 3, 2014 Author Posted September 3, 2014 I'm not going to lie it is tough to read the replies but I know that it's right. I was always there for her no matter what and it was always about her. Every time I would try and talk about anything that was bothering me it would always end in a fight because she would twist it around to make it about her. It's just really hard to think that she could do this after everything I've done but I'm realizing some people just aren't who they say they are.
Zahara Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 It's just really hard to think that she could do this after everything I've done but I'm realizing some people just aren't who they say they are. You're dealing with a person that has emotional and mental instabilities. She mentioned mental abuse, suffering from depression -- there's nothing healthy that can sustain a relationship if she is coming from such a negative place. You can be the best partner, it never is a guarantee that it will be reciprocated. Sometimes you learn the hard way that no matter how much you give, it may not be appreciated in the way you hope for. And stop giving even when you're getting slapped in the face. Hold on to your self-respect and dignity. Cut contact and move on from this.
ImSoLostWithoutYou Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 If you seek for replies from your ex, you won't get them. Instead you can answer your questions by yourself. Just read the whole sidebar of r/redpill and you'll find the truth. Just be willing to accept it. A little hint for you to begin consuming all that info. Men can love unconditionally. Women can't. They love you as far as you make them happy (provide them with things that make them happy). As soon as you stop - they seek those things in other male. She slept with him because she saw a ****ing weak pathetic boy in you. Yes, i said that right so read it 10 more times to accept it. You are a weak pathetic **** just like i was before my ex dumped me for someone else probably. I tortured myself a couple of days reading topics here and in one of them i saw this red pill theory. I spent the last couple of days only reading, in fact i red 2 books of 200 pages + a tons of info on the web and i'm in the beginning actually. Stop whining and open your eyes. The truth is much more complex than you think but it's worth every second of reading and understanding.
Zahara Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 Men can love unconditionally. Women can't. They love you as far as you make them happy (provide them with things that make them happy). As soon as you stop - they seek those things in other male. OP, that's a generalization. Not all women are going to treat you the way your ex did. You got caught up with someone that unfortunately turned your world around. As a woman, I've had men do the same exact thing to me. So, it isn't gender biased. The last thing this experience should do for you in terms of looking towards your future is leave you jaded, bitter and fearful of what's out there.
W101 Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 Half way through reading this, I thought, "I wonder if she'd be uneasy if the situation was reversed" doubt she thought about that though, I really feel for you, I've been in this spot before, your heart fell through your pants and into the toilet, is probably how your feeling, in my situation, I felt desperate, I hated her for what she had done and how she justified it because like in this situation, it was deceivingly brilliant of her to make me think I had a problem for sensing bad stuff going on, how she is now, she's guilty, that's why she's acting distant all of a sudden, personally, once I separated the devastation, humiliation, rejection and whatever other inadequate feelings I was too close to, I moved on, I tried to forgive her, even stuck with her a little while, fortunately my mind wasn't willing to put up with all the images it was thinking of the cheating scenario, if you can handle all that, then more power to you, if not, walk away, I'll tell you right now because I know your thinking it, her cheating isn't a reflection on you, it doesn't mean the guy she cheated with was better than you, it simply means, this girl ain't worth the salt in your eyes, if she was she would have never put you in this position, and if she was worth any salt at all, she'd know that honesty, loyalty and respect are key ways to live your life, and help you live with yourself, I know it hurts like burning hell right now, but distance and acceptance are your friends, your not alone in this, it happens to everybody.
Chi townD Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 I'm not going to lie it is tough to read the replies but I know that it's right. I was always there for her no matter what and it was always about her. Every time I would try and talk about anything that was bothering me it would always end in a fight because she would twist it around to make it about her. It's just really hard to think that she could do this after everything I've done but I'm realizing some people just aren't who they say they are. Hey dude, it's called getting hit with a 2x4 to get you to open your eyes. I mean, you called it. You knew something was wrong, and it was. Funny when you think about it even now. Even though she said she was sorry, she kinda did it in a way to make it seem as if it was still your fault that she did what she did. Here's the rub. You didn't do anything wrong. You did NOTHING to deserve what she did to you. This is NOT your fault. Oh, this "friend" of yours is going through a divorce? That tells me that he's NOT divorced yet and is still married. I think his estranged wife has a right to know what her STILL husband as done. She has a right to know. She might not care, but she has the right to know what kind of man she's still married to. And you never know, this douche rocket might still be trying to weasel his way back into his marriage. She has the right to make an informed decision on what she wants to do with the marriage. Either continue with the divorce or counseling or whatever.... As far as your Ex girlfriend is concerned. She's a cheater and has admitted to it. You need to put her into your rearview mirror. Go complete NO CONTACT WITH HER! Do not answer texts and let all phonecalls go to voicemail. Don't text her or call her. BLOCK HER ON FACEBOOK and unfollow her on all social media. Time to heal and move on dude. Sorry for your situation.
ImSoLostWithoutYou Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 Oh my God stop filling this young mans head with this bull****. Mate, open your ****ing eyes and read my comments! Do it the easy way, do not let yourself post the same bull**** in an year or two. Start living your life the proper way!
Author claptrap2 Posted September 3, 2014 Author Posted September 3, 2014 So today has been day 1 of NC. I took my micro sd card out of phone and took all the pictures I had of her and us off. Anything in my room that reminds me of her is gone. I've had some great friends to talk to today and spend time with which is helping alot. Ridding everything around me that reminded me of her is helping. I'm just going to take this NC one day at a time. As of right now I have no desire to see or speak to her. I made plans with a mutual friend to meet up and hand over some stuff of hers so I don't have to see her or talk to her. I'm trying to stay strong for myself.
Zahara Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 So today has been day 1 of NC. I took my micro sd card out of phone and took all the pictures I had of her and us off. Anything in my room that reminds me of her is gone. I've had some great friends to talk to today and spend time with which is helping alot. Ridding everything around me that reminded me of her is helping. I'm just going to take this NC one day at a time. As of right now I have no desire to see or speak to her. I made plans with a mutual friend to meet up and hand over some stuff of hers so I don't have to see her or talk to her. I'm trying to stay strong for myself. You're doing great, Clap. Every step that you have taken has been in the right direction. The only way to deal with NC, especially in the early stages is one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Your emotions are going to rollercoaster, up and down. But you just have to hold on and let it pass. It's going to be hard but lean on your friends, family and even LS to help you get through the bad moments. Get all her things, everything you can find, stuff it in a box and have your friend give it back to her. You don't want "stuff" being a gateway for either one of your breaking NC at some point. Close every door. 1
Author claptrap2 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 I'm having a hard time tonight. I want to check on her to see what she is doing. But I know it's wrong. If anybody has any advice to overcome those late night feelings please let me know.
mightycpa Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I spent all my time and energy trying to be there for her. I'd think about that for a while. While that may sound great to you right now, believe me, it WILL get old.
Author claptrap2 Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 There is one thing that's bothering me though. She has yet to admit to her mom and her family the rea reason why we broke up. All they know is that I was "controlling" and we broke up. Every fiber in my body wants to message her mom and let her know what happened. I know her mom would keep it between us but is that a good idea? Or am I just trying to keep a connection with her?
hoping2heal Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 Your ex gf is a ho-bag. The minute another man pays her attention she plunges headlong into an emotional affair and eventually fks him. Coincidence? Probably not. She is prob full of ***** about the abuse from her ex, too. Considering she has so well twisted the reason behind your break up. You said it yourself- everything is about her and you cant even communicate with her without her starting some hoopla. Shes a ho-bag AND a royal pain in the a.... You were in denial then, you're in denial now. Still trying to be "good enough" to make her love you. Its a lost cause - ppl like that only love themselves.
Zahara Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 There is one thing that's bothering me though. She has yet to admit to her mom and her family the rea reason why we broke up. All they know is that I was "controlling" and we broke up. Every fiber in my body wants to message her mom and let her know what happened. I know her mom would keep it between us but is that a good idea? Or am I just trying to keep a connection with her? Personally, I'd expose her for her BS. My ex did the same thing. Told his friends I was insecure and it caused the demise of the relationship. His dad messaged me and I told him that his son was cheating on me with several women. Case closed. I shut all of them out after that because I wanted no more reminders, triggers, or anything to do with anyone related to him. It was my clean break. No one can tell you what you should do. It's something you have to decide if you want to do or not. You can either walk away or you can express your side of what happened and move on. And if you choose to expose, you have to make sure you walk away, cutting all ties.
Author claptrap2 Posted September 5, 2014 Author Posted September 5, 2014 So I ended up messaging her mom on facebook. Needless to say it was pointless. I tried to be nice and polite and explain I didn't want a fight but to explain my side. Pretty much her mom said she was pressured and didn't intentionally cheat. Just testing the waters. I immediately called bs and told her that her daughter admitted to me it was intentional. My ex told me she always had to play the victim and she still is even after she cried about it for 2 hours. Just goes to show nothing has changed. Her mom ended up telling me it was both our faults and then had the nerve to tell me.i didn't need ignore her. We could go on as enemies and not talk or forgive each other and be friends. Such bull. So I do have a friend that's meeting me tomorrow to get her stuff so I don't have to. The ex is mad at me cause I wouldn't talk to her about meeting. Even though the friend already told her the plan. Saying we had been together for nearly 2 years and I didn't have the decency to even respond. At this point I've said what I had to say and I'm getting her stuff back to her and not looking back.
Author claptrap2 Posted September 5, 2014 Author Posted September 5, 2014 Also I forgot to say her mom told me that we need to stop taking jabs at each other. Also that people have been saying mean things about her. The thing is I haven't even talked to anyone about her except my parents and they haven't even said one word to her. I told her mom that everything seems to be getting twisted against me. Then she sent the reply that were were both at fault and after that I was done.
ThorntonMelon Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 Its her mom. Of course she took her daughter's side. You need to get out of this drama immediately.
Zahara Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 She said we had been together for nearly 2 years and I didn't have the decency to even respond. At this point I've said what I had to say and I'm getting her stuff back to her and not looking back. She expects decency from you but she couldn't extend it to you. Her actions showed no respect for those two years she had with you. Way to gaslight. Her mom is taking her daughters side. This is why you shouldn't have waited for a response but just cut them all out. Return every piece of her belongings and shut the door. Close all avenues for contact.
Recommended Posts