bluesgirl Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 So met up with a guy I met online at a Starbucks. Now meeting there was my idea as I didn't want to go on a full blown date and figured it would be nicer to sit outside and talk without the stress of a date. Now I need to know if i'm overreacting by a couple of things he did (or didn't) do. I saw him waiting outside and went up to him and gave him a hug and said it was so nice to meet him. But he didn't open the door for me to go into Starbucks. I even paused for a sec to see if he would and he just didn't. As we're ordering our drinks he orders first and pays for his, and I order second and pay for mine. The rest of the date went really well. We get along really well and conversation flowed. But I just have a hard time getting over his lack of courtesy. Am I being wrong here? I think any man whether it's a date or not should open the door for a woman. And i'm not complaining he didn't buy my drink, but he didn't even offer. It was like we were just friends getting drinks. I don't really know what to think about this. Guys am I overreacting?
deathandtaxes Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 How old is this guy? Some dudes just don't know how to be a gentleman. Here in the south, we open the door for pretty much everybody - friends, dates, strangers! Couple the fact he did not OFFER to buy your drink...sigh. I think he doesn't have a clue. You could go out again and see if his behavior changes. 1
Sweetlifevt Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 I'd give him one more chance, if you liked him otherwise. I personally hold the door for anyone behind me and will open the door if I'm there first, and I'm a woman. I don't see it as a gender thing, I see it as a common courtesy thing. If he was never taught old gender specific courtesies, he may have even thought it awkward that you stopped in front of the door. Some people take that first meeting as a really casual encounter. Meeting over coffee is just that. We eat healthy get coffee and we sit and get to know each other. If he said he'd buy you coffee, that's another story. Give him another chance. Not everyone still buys into stereotypical gender roles, but it doesn't make them a rude person. Just a person with a progressive attitude. But you may prefer someone more old fashioned, which is fine. Your preferences are valid! I just think it would be sad to not give this guy a chance just based on two little idiosyncrasies.
Dork Vader Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 The opening the door could have been nervousness. It could have just been he felt like he couldn't get to it. I do open doors. So maybe let it slide for now and see if it improves. The offerring to buy. Sort of up in the air. I would have if I was interested. How ever I have not before for different reasons. Seeing that the overall date went well give it a little more time before you judge.
Assasda Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 If you are infront of him and approaching the door, you should open the door for yourself. If you have to pause and wait for someone to open the door for you, its unnatural. I see nothing wrong with going dutch for the food. It wasnt that expensive.
Author bluesgirl Posted September 3, 2014 Author Posted September 3, 2014 Thanks for the comments folks! I wasn't sure if it was just nervousness or what it was but I would lie to myself if it didn't bug me a little bit. I'm going to go out with him again if he brings it up, but I guess I just expected a little more from him. I don't mind splitting the bill or paying for my own stuff, but the fact that it was just a couple bucks and he didn't even offer kinda bugs me. I would have thought of him much more highly if he would have been a little more chivalrous.
Assasda Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 He probably was saying the same thing. You should have paid for his food. OP try and be more chivalrous
Author bluesgirl Posted September 3, 2014 Author Posted September 3, 2014 haha thanks for the advice Assada! 1
SunnySide0418 Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 It seems he doesn't know how to treat a lady. And I think it's totally tacky he didn't pay for your coffee. We're talking a few bucks here. I guess you can give him one more chance but he seems inexperienced or just not chivalrous. 1
Author bluesgirl Posted September 3, 2014 Author Posted September 3, 2014 yeah I agree SunnySide. On his OLD profile he did state that he's never been in love. That tells me he has never really had to take care of a girl or be chivalrous. Now the question is what do I do about this!? I really like him and we got along super well. Do I tell him it bothered me or just see what happens next?
mightycpa Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 yeah I agree SunnySide. On his OLD profile he did state that he's never been in love. That tells me he has never really had to take care of a girl or be chivalrous. Now the question is what do I do about this!? I really like him and we got along super well. Do I tell him it bothered me or just see what happens next? You could train him for the next girl. I'm sure she'll appreciate it.
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