longjohn Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 Then you didn't have a FWB. You had a convenience, a utility, a temporary slut to keep you in pussy between your romantic interests. I mean, who dumps a friend just because they get another one? And how do you get a girl to agree to that up front? I dated a lot of girls, and I don't think that even I could have closed that deal! Hat's off to you, my friend! Please educate me what exactly is a fwb? "slut" is a very harsh term to throw around. I've the upmost respect for the opposite sex and wouldn't use such words to describe them. I believe you owe anyone that takes offense to such a statement an apology.
Mrin Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 Ok this is a tad bit off topic but... FWB's are tricky business. I think men grasp and appreciate FWB's fairly naturally. Oh sure we can develop feelings from time to time but a FWB relationship just makes sense to a dude - as long as they are the FWB. Where things go all haywire is when we are on the dating or relationship side of a FWB. Even contemplating that notion sends us into a tailspin. I also tell female friends to never ever talk about having or having had a FWB with prospective romantic partners. At a bare minimum, they will have a reaction of "why am I paying for it/having to work for it when you give it away to some other guy for free". Which we all know is a superficial and stupid statement as "winning the girl" isn't about winning her body but rather her heart, mind and soul. But I digress... IMHO women have a more difficult time with a FWB relationship in general. Not to say they can't work or women can't find them rewarding and comfortable. But on the flip side - I think women are more forgiving of the prior existence of a man's FWB. "It was only sex" is an easier concept for women to grasp than men when the "only sex" is about their romantic partner. Which is kinda interesting because the connection between emotions and sex is stronger for women than it is for men. Look no further than studies showing that emotional affairs are every bit or more damaging in the minds of women where men see them as "diet" affairs - less damaging and hurtful. Anyhow, I think this ramble on perceptions helps explain some of the reactions you see in this thread and on LS in general to women having FWB relationships.
mightycpa Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 (edited) "slut" is a very harsh term to throw around. I've the upmost respect for the opposite sex and wouldn't use such words to describe them. Slut is indeed a harsh term, but I don't really know the noun form of the word promiscuous. You may not call someone that, but it seems you treated at least one woman like that. Maybe I'm wrong. Let's review: I've had a fwb however that stopped the very minute I decided to date again...I personally wouldn't keep said fwb around if I were datingIt sounds like what you said was that you used somebody only for sex in between romantic interests. Once you found said romantic interest, the person used for sex was discarded and dismissed. Did I get that wrong? I personally find it [keeping her around] disgusting and would have nothing to do with such a woman.If you found keeping your last sexual partner around disgusting, I assumed that you had only one interest in said "FWB". Sex. When she was no longer useful, you dismissed her. I will note for the record that this is exactly what you do with a prostitute, except that you have to pay for the prostitute. What is the word for the next rung down that ladder, where payment is not expected? I'm assuming the best about you, which is that your intentions were disclosed to your "FWB" before the fact, something like: Hey, I'm going to bang you like a drum until I meet somebody I actually like. After that, you're gone. Let's be candid. Very few women would agree to those open-ended terms, even if they were stated more eloquently. Those few that would are either desperately in love with you, and willing to do anything, no matter how debasing, just so they can be with you once more, OR they are promiscuous in the extreme. Thus, my choice of the word slut. Is there a better word for what you described? Sorry if I offended, I'm not judging, I just don't know what else to call it. Reverse the sexes, and I'd still use that word. It is not about women, it is about behavior. I have to ask. Did you indeed disclose the terms of your "pumped until dumped" arrangement beforehand? Anyway, if you give me a better noun for that where it is universally understood, I'll use it from now on. Please educate me what exactly is a fwb? It is a FRIEND with benefits. The implication of the word friend is that there is more to the relationship than just sex. There is some personal connection that is overarching. There's a reason the word "benefits" comes last. People keep even their Facebook friends when they get a new one. This is the lowest form of friend ever known to mankind. So I am of the opinion that it is very unseemly to dump your FWB just because you got a new romantic interest. It doesn't seem friendly. You find what I've done disgusting, and I find what you described to be abhorrent. Perhaps this is why I chose that word. If that offends, I apologize. Let me know what you think. Edited September 4, 2014 by mightycpa
longjohn Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 Slut is indeed a harsh term, but I don't really know the noun form of the word promiscuous. You may not call someone that, but it seems you treated at least one woman like that. Maybe I'm wrong. Let's review: It sounds like what you said was that you used somebody only for sex in between romantic interests. Once you found said romantic interest, the person used for sex was discarded and dismissed. Did I get that wrong? If you found keeping your last sexual partner around disgusting, I assumed that you had only one interest in said "FWB". Sex. When she was no longer useful, you dismissed her. I will note for the record that this is exactly what you do with a prostitute, except that you have to pay for the prostitute. What is the word for the next rung down that ladder, where payment is not expected? I'm assuming the best about you, which is that your intentions were disclosed to your "FWB" before the fact, something like: Let's be candid. Very few women would agree to those open-ended terms, even if they were stated more eloquently. Those few that would are either desperately in love with you, and willing to do anything, no matter how debasing, just so they can be with you once more, OR they are promiscuous in the extreme. Thus, my choice of the word slut. Is there a better word for what you described? Sorry if I offended, I'm not judging, I just don't know what else to call it. Reverse the sexes, and I'd still use that word. It is not about women, it is about behavior. I have to ask. Did you indeed disclose the terms of your "pumped until dumped" arrangement beforehand? Anyway, if you give me a better noun for that where it is universally understood, I'll use it from now on. It is a FRIEND with benefits. The implication of the word friend is that there is more to the relationship than just sex. There is some personal connection that is overarching. There's a reason the word "benefits" comes last. People keep even their Facebook friends when they get a new one. This is the lowest form of friend ever known to mankind. So I am of the opinion that it is very unseemly to dump your FWB just because you got a new romantic interest. It doesn't seem friendly. You find what I've done disgusting, and I find what you described to be abhorrent. Perhaps this is why I chose that word. If that offends, I apologize. Let me know what you think. Yes you are wrong. I don't tend to treat woman as "sluts" as you seem to want to put it. The "benefits" portion stops for me the second there's a romantic interest or dating another person. You may find it ok to date a woman that's screwing someone else or you may find it ok to do the same but some of us are slightly more picky than that. Keeping a past sexual partner where the sex is still an option on the table around while dating someone else who's in the dark about it all.. disgusting. It's another matter if all is out in the open. In my mind a "Friend with Benefits" is a friend of the opposite sex and the benefits are the sex. I've dated a lady in the past that admitted she had a FWB's and swore it was over when we started dating. I found after the fact she still seen him so in that instance I dumped her. I found that disgusting. The act of lying, the possibility of someone I'm involved with screwing someone else all the while being with me.
Author Gallaxia Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 I know what you wrote on a public forum and as such used those "facts" to form an opinion. An opinion that you don't agree with. I've dated, I've had a fwb however that stopped the very minute I decided to date again. I personally wouldn't keep said fwb around if I were dating however it seems very normal for some now a days to do this. I personally find it disgusting and would have nothing to do with such a woman. I approached this thread and applied some morals to a messy situation. You can put lipstick on a pig but it's still a pig. If your screwing around with two guys at the same time and neither of them know about it, you post about it on an public forum... Then yes you open yourself up for criticism if your actions are considered by many to be morally questionable at least. You claim to have "respect for women" but at the same time jumped to an extreme conclusion regarding women. You implied that I'm "promiscuous" and assumed that I'm "screwing around with two guys at the same time..." Please show me where I stated as such and I'll make the correction because that has never been the case. I'm in a FWB with one person and one person only, while I am being receptive to getting to know eligible and available men. (Is coffee with the opposite sex, promiscuous?) Sex with others was never mentioned, heck, never even considered, so I'm curious as to why you immediately came to that conclusion, especially about females in general, when honestly, it takes two to tango.
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