Gallaxia Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 I'm not even sure where to post this- under sexual, jealousy or dating. So the other day I was at FWB's house. While there a new guy I started to get to know text me (same guy I went on a date with on Fri, if you read my last post). I have a cell phone text notification setup where it'll keep buzzing on & off til you check it, so I couldn't play it off and discretely check it or ignore it til later. FWB must've sensed that it was a guy who text since I didn't jump to check it. Well later after doing (which btw was the best effort from him yet ) the do, he made a semi-serious joke about "getting me pregnant". We use protection but I was like "WHAT?" and he just said "relax I was kidding"... I'm seriously trying to wrap my head around this.
Assasda Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 OK. He made a joke. Are you just ranting about your life? 2
Author Gallaxia Posted September 3, 2014 Author Posted September 3, 2014 so wait- I'm just making a big deal over nothing?
mightycpa Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 I think he made a joke because as FWB, he's not supposed to have any jealousy, but he had some. Apparently you lack the non-physical intimacy of being able to talk about your other lovers, and he didn't know how to talk that out with you.
Author Gallaxia Posted September 3, 2014 Author Posted September 3, 2014 Thanks guys I appreciate your help in this. @ CarrieT- even something as serious as pregnancy? That's kind of a big ticket item! @ Mightycpa- this is true. We never setup fwb boundaries/rules so this does fall under that grey area. So with that in mind would you bring this up the next time together? Or leave it alone? Assuming there is a next time... he's been pretty fussy with me ever since.
Author Gallaxia Posted September 3, 2014 Author Posted September 3, 2014 OK. He made a joke. Are you just ranting about your life? There is usually some sort of truth behind jokes.
mightycpa Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 @ Mightycpa- this is true. We never setup fwb boundaries/rules so this does fall under that grey area. So with that in mind would you bring this up the next time together? Or leave it alone? Assuming there is a next time... he's been pretty fussy with me ever since. The fact that you're talking this out here instead of with him speaks volumes about that. Depending on how long you've done this, that's probably normal. I guess the big question is how long you want this to go on, and under what circumstances? My best FWB was a 15 year affair, on and off. She survived several of my girlfriends. We could talk about anything, and sometimes our feelings did get a little bruised, but one of our rules was that we get it all out there so that we could deal honestly with each other. It wasn't always easy to say what we needed to say, but eventually we felt safe enough that we could. I remember one time where she asked me not to sleep with a certain girl, so I didn't, for her sake. I have to tell you, next to the intimacy that I have with my wife, she was a close second. It was nice to have someone like that. On the other hand, I had shorter-lived FWB's that seemed to cross the emotional boundaries too much, and things tended to get a little dramatic. It didn't work right. I guess it all depends on where you see this going, and if you are ultimately compatible in this kind of relationship. I don't think it is for everybody. 1
Author Gallaxia Posted September 3, 2014 Author Posted September 3, 2014 (edited) Wow. Thanks for sharing your experience. 15 yrs is a long time. It's just about 1 yr for us. My longest ever, by far. I feel we are fairly close now but there are a few things we are holding back from one another. Can't speak for him but I do need to decide if our thing (or my half of this situation) is worth the time to pursue more intimacy- based on what we're doing- and our end goal in mind. We are already pretty free with stuff sexually and that's because of the comfortability/familiarity. Sometimes we seem like we are together. Bottom line: It needs to cleared up one way or another. And either we open up or shut down the lines of communication with each other. Think this should be done gradually or just bring it up/all out next time? Cuz this could potentially set the tone for a lot of things... I think we have to take a step back to set boundaries. Edited September 3, 2014 by Gallaxia
Diezel Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 His joke translated into "Maybe I should lock you in" Trust me, I don't think he actually wants to get you pregnant. God, I hope not. But still... it's the presumed way to lock a women down the strongest. Although there is some truth to things said, I don't think he was being literal. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 I very much doubt he was serious about you getting pregnant. I don't know what you're reading into this "joke" - what did you think he meant?
Author Gallaxia Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 His joke translated into "Maybe I should lock you in" Trust me, I don't think he actually wants to get you pregnant. God, I hope not. But still... it's the presumed way to lock a women down the strongest. Although there is some truth to things said, I don't think he was being literal. It's not the first time he's said it. I played it off the first time. I should just come out and ask him. I very much doubt he was serious about you getting pregnant. I don't know what you're reading into this "joke" - what did you think he meant? Yeah I really don't know what to think but bringing it up twice now? There's a motive of some kind. I'm fine either way - I mean it was a date that ended up as fwb for a year so far and nothing progressing in true r'ship form and not really having had expectations of it progressing BUT open to considering it if it were to happen) but I have other options to consider and that's keeping me level-headed--at least I think! I'm going over tonight, I'll see if a little liquid libation can grease the wheels and have it all spill out and see if we can get to the bottom of this. That's terrible, no?
DazedandConfused8 Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I'm not even sure where to post this- under sexual, jealousy or dating. So the other day I was at FWB's house. While there a new guy I started to get to know text me (same guy I went on a date with on Fri, if you read my last post). I have a cell phone text notification setup where it'll keep buzzing on & off til you check it, so I couldn't play it off and discretely check it or ignore it til later. FWB must've sensed that it was a guy who text since I didn't jump to check it. Well later after doing (which btw was the best effort from him yet ) the do, he made a semi-serious joke about "getting me pregnant". We use protection but I was like "WHAT?" and he just said "relax I was kidding"... I'm seriously trying to wrap my head around this. Is there a point to your post? 1
snowflakes88 Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I think it was a joke and you're making a rather big deal out of nothing. But you have several threads about this guy, which leads me to believe you want more than FWB and are anxious for everything he says/does to mean something. 1
Diezel Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 Either the motive is commitment or the motive is to give you a baby. Just ask. I don't get why it's so hard to just ask. I thought this was a conversation you two already had had.
aprilisi Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I had a bf who loved to talk about getting me pregnant and he loved for me to scream out things about pregnancy during sex, like I could feel zygote forming and that it would be twins. I was on bc at the time but he loved that talk lol 2
mightycpa Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I had a bf who loved to talk about getting me pregnant and he loved for me to scream out things about pregnancy during sex, like I could feel zygote forming and that it would be twins. I was on bc at the time but he loved that talk lol All my little gametes are laughing their asses off! :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:
Andy_K Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 His joke translated into "Maybe I should lock you in" Trust me, I don't think he actually wants to get you pregnant. God, I hope not. But still... it's the presumed way to lock a women down the strongest. Although there is some truth to things said, I don't think he was being literal. This. Basically it's about 'ownership', he is reluctant to lose his steady supply of sex to another guy. He doesn't actually want to get you pregnant, he's just aware that if you get serious with some guy he is going to be minus a FWB. 2
Author Gallaxia Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 Either the motive is commitment or the motive is to give you a baby. Just ask. I don't get why it's so hard to just ask. I thought this was a conversation you two already had had. No we hadn't had a conversation before. We did discuss it some yesterday but I don't feel comfortable sharing anymore beyond saying that the talk drew us closer together- pet names etc., and we're going on a dinner date in a few days. I felt that reaching out and asking for some clarity from other viewpoints could help me better understand my position and maybe someone else who may be in a similar situation (isn't that the point of the site?) but w/e, my posts are apparently the one to break the website and "don't have a point", right? Thanks to all who were kind enough to help.
longjohn Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I'm not even sure where to post this- under sexual, jealousy or dating. So the other day I was at FWB's house. While there a new guy I started to get to know text me (same guy I went on a date with on Fri, if you read my last post). I have a cell phone text notification setup where it'll keep buzzing on & off til you check it, so I couldn't play it off and discretely check it or ignore it til later. FWB must've sensed that it was a guy who text since I didn't jump to check it. Well later after doing (which btw was the best effort from him yet ) the do, he made a semi-serious joke about "getting me pregnant". We use protection but I was like "WHAT?" and he just said "relax I was kidding"... I'm seriously trying to wrap my head around this. Let me get this straight.. you've got a f*ck buddy and your dating some other poor bastard at the same time? And you feel the need to "play it off" regarding the other guys texts? The f*ck is going on there? If I where the other guy and found out you where banging someone else while thinking I'm in with a chance.. I'd be disgusted and run a mile. People have no morals anymore in this day and age. Everyone is just f*cking everyone and expect everyone else to be ok with it. 1
aprilisi Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I just love how men love to judge women for dating several men at a time or for having a fwb while dating. Of you're not in a relationship what's so wrong with it These same men will cheer on a buddy doing the same thing then complain about the lady multi dating. A double standard I've seen many times Is it because men are typically the ones to do this and you don't like that women are playing the game too?
Author Gallaxia Posted September 4, 2014 Author Posted September 4, 2014 Let me get this straight.. you've got a f*ck buddy and your dating some other poor bastard at the same time? And you feel the need to "play it off" regarding the other guys texts? The f*ck is going on there? If I where the other guy and found out you where banging someone else while thinking I'm in with a chance.. I'd be disgusted and run a mile. People have no morals anymore in this day and age. Everyone is just f*cking everyone and expect everyone else to be ok with it. You don't have all the facts but thanks for that laugh. I really needed that. I'm not even sure what you mean by "playing off other guy's texts"- And for the record, if you are or have actively dated, you've more than likely been on one side or another of a fwb situation. Knowingly or unknowingly. That's just what society has drifted towards. Look. I'm not going to justify or explain what exactly 'FWB' means. Not my job to. It means and plays out in many ways to many people depending on emotional maturity and other circumstances that come into play BUT my advice to you is- if you choose to participate in/respond to a thread or a conversation (in real life), at least approach it with an open mind. But WTFever helps you sleep at night.
longjohn Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 You don't have all the facts but thanks for that laugh. I really needed that. I'm not even sure what you mean by "playing off other guy's texts"- And for the record, if you are or have actively dated, you've more than likely been on one side or another of a fwb situation. Knowingly or unknowingly. That's just what society has drifted towards. Look. I'm not going to justify or explain what exactly 'FWB' means. Not my job to. It means and plays out in many ways to many people depending on emotional maturity and other circumstances that come into play BUT my advice to you is- if you choose to participate in/respond to a thread or a conversation (in real life), at least approach it with an open mind. But WTFever helps you sleep at night. I know what you wrote on a public forum and as such used those "facts" to form an opinion. An opinion that you don't agree with. I've dated, I've had a fwb however that stopped the very minute I decided to date again. I personally wouldn't keep said fwb around if I were dating however it seems very normal for some now a days to do this. I personally find it disgusting and would have nothing to do with such a woman. I approached this thread and applied some morals to a messy situation. You can put lipstick on a pig but it's still a pig. If your screwing around with two guys at the same time and neither of them know about it, you post about it on an public forum... Then yes you open yourself up for criticism if your actions are considered by many to be morally questionable at least.
longjohn Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I just love how men love to judge women for dating several men at a time or for having a fwb while dating. Of you're not in a relationship what's so wrong with it These same men will cheer on a buddy doing the same thing then complain about the lady multi dating. A double standard I've seen many times Is it because men are typically the ones to do this and you don't like that women are playing the game too? Not at all, I had a friend that used to do this and I've told him more than once he was a dirty b@stard and should choose one woman or the other and not mess around with them. I'm all for gender equality what shocks me is how common this is amongst men and women now a days. It's like no one cares anymore and they just ride whomever they want and justify it however they can.
mightycpa Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I've had a fwb however that stopped the very minute I decided to date again. Then you didn't have a FWB. You had a convenience, a utility, a temporary slut to keep you in pussy between your romantic interests. I mean, who dumps a friend just because they get another one? And how do you get a girl to agree to that up front? Hey, I'm going to bang you like a drum until I meet somebody I actually like. After that, you're gone. I dated a lot of girls, and I don't think that even I could have closed that deal! Hat's off to you, my friend!
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