Sweetlifevt Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 (edited) We've just met, been on 3 dates, have only had a sweet little kiss on the lips (also signs from him that he'd like to at least get somewhat physical), and we have a nice time when we're together. Both of our online dating profiles have us as looking for a relationship (as opposed to just dating), but from talking, it's clear we're not compatible for a long term relationship. We have a nice time together and he's such a great guy that I'd really like more fun and romance with him, including some sex if it works out that way. If we go out, I'd be fine with paying half or taking turns paying. This isn't about money. At the very least, it would be great to have him as a friend. (We're both relatively new to the area and both agree making friends is hard here.) Next time we talk I'll tell him I don't see this turning into anything long term. Once I do that, how bad an idea is it to ask if he wants keep dating anyway? Or should I only ask if he'd like to remain friends? I was thinking of sending him a text tomorrow (we've only communicated via text so far since we met in person). "I've enjoyed my time together with you, but I also think you and I wouldn't be compatible in a long term relationship. That being said, would you nevertheless like to come to my house for a movie this Friday?" I just don't know. Any feedback is welcome! Edited September 3, 2014 by Sweetlifevt
Maleficent Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 If you are both looking for a relationship, I suggest making it a clean break. First this puts both of you in a situation where you are no longer 'open to a relationship' - not really anyways. Also, lets not forget this guy might stick around hoping you will change your mind - and by adding sex to the equation, well - **** could hit the fan faster than you can say, well, oh ****!
Assasda Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 For some reason I sense that this guy is trying to put pressure on you and lock you down in a relationship. or, he's serious about the whole relationship process. -If that is true, Just leave the guy be and cut all ties, he probably wont be mature enough to handle things. -if that is not true, dont have the conversation with him. Just take it to that casual place organically
Author Sweetlifevt Posted September 3, 2014 Author Posted September 3, 2014 Thanks for the opinions thus far. Thought I'd mention, for what it's worth, that we are both in our mid 30s.
Supernatural Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 Who cares what he wants... This is about what you want. You don't want something long-term with him. So tell him you're interested in having some fun.. Steer away from deeper conversations and put your hands in his pants, like you want. And then drop little cues you don't want long-term. That, or just end it now. 1
Supernatural Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 I was thinking of sending him a text tomorrow (we've only communicated via text so far since we met in person). "I've enjoyed my time together with you, but I also think you and I wouldn't be compatible in a long term relationship. That being said, would you nevertheless like to come to my house for a movie this Friday?" Don't say we wouldn't be good long-term. Then he will think something is wrong with him. Just say... "I'm going to watch a movie this Friday at my place. Join me ;)" Just be fun, and make things more sexual and light. He will soon realize by all these actions that it's just fun. Like I said in my last post; just stay away from opening up on deeper levels. And if he does or want's to have a talk about relationship... Go from there. But don't text him you are not interested in a long-term with him. That's lame for anyone to hear.
DazedandConfused8 Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 We've just met, been on 3 dates, have only had a sweet little kiss on the lips (also signs from him that he'd like to at least get somewhat physical), and we have a nice time when we're together. Both of our online dating profiles have us as looking for a relationship (as opposed to just dating), but from talking, it's clear we're not compatible for a long term relationship. We have a nice time together and he's such a great guy that I'd really like more fun and romance with him, including some sex if it works out that way. If we go out, I'd be fine with paying half or taking turns paying. This isn't about money. At the very least, it would be great to have him as a friend. (We're both relatively new to the area and both agree making friends is hard here.) Next time we talk I'll tell him I don't see this turning into anything long term. Once I do that, how bad an idea is it to ask if he wants keep dating anyway? Or should I only ask if he'd like to remain friends? I was thinking of sending him a text tomorrow (we've only communicated via text so far since we met in person). "I've enjoyed my time together with you, but I also think you and I wouldn't be compatible in a long term relationship. That being said, would you nevertheless like to come to my house for a movie this Friday?" I just don't know. Any feedback is welcome! 1. Why aren't you "compatible" for a LTR? 2. The message you're proposing to send basically says "you're not boyfriend material, but you're welcome to be my friend and maybe we'll have sex." In other words, you're friend-zoning him or asking to be FWB, which might be good or bad to some guys... Just be aware of what you're asking.
aprilisi Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 This is a dream situation for most men. A woman to boink while looking for the one. And it may work for a while until feelings develop and someone gets hurt. Trust me, I've been through this. And also it's been proven that sex with one person can make you develop feelings, it releases hormones for both parties involved. More so for the woman 1
Dork Vader Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 What ever you do.. make sure you are absolutely certain you are not interested in more. There might be no going back. Depending on his interest level in you he MIGHT go a long with it but with the hopes you'll change your mind. He might also agree with you. You two might form a great friendship and have some fun. There is a lot of potential for drama. But it could go smoother then you think.
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