purplesoccer34 Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 I'm in kind of a tough situation and I'm not really sure whose side to take. I'll use fake names here to make the whole situation easier to follow. Two of my friends have been dating for about 8 months so far. We'll call them Molly and Jake. I met Molly a year ago, but we've started becoming good friends only in the past month or so. I've known Jake since high school (so about 7 years), so in a way I know him better than Molly. Jake has been liking another girl since high school, and I know he still does. We'll call this girl Ashley. Ashley has been my best friend since high school (about 9 years). To this day, she is absolutely the best friend I have ever had. We have been nothing but extremely loyal and helpful to each other, and I trust her completely. Even though Jake is with Molly, I question how much he likes her because when we all went partying one day, he had his eyes on Ashley the entire time. While slightly buzzed, he ended up flirting with Ashley which made Molly a little upset. When Molly and Jake make plans to spend time together, Jake always asks Ashley to come along, and when she's not there, Molly says that he always talks about her. I know that Molly senses how much Jake likes Ashley. She always tells me that Jake doesn't pay her the same amount of attention. Ashley recently disclosed to me that she might have feelings for Jake. I supported her because she is my best friend. Therefore, she had a talk with Jake and asked him if he even likes Molly at all. Obviously Jake told Ashley he likes her, and now he's about to break up with Molly to date Ashley. He hasn't broken up with Molly yet though, but I know he will. This will completely shatter Molly because Molly truly loves Jake. She envisions a future with him and everything. Molly and Ashley are also really good friends. Ashley told me that she doesn't want to lose Molly's friendship, so she and Jake are going to keep their relationship a total secret. I feel terrible for Molly and I really don't know what to do. Ashley is my best friend, but Molly is my friend too, and she's such a great person. In many ways, I think Molly is much more kindhearted than Ashley is, and I think it's unfortunate that this is happening to her. Some part of me wants to tell Molly the truth about what happened, but this means that I would lose my 9-year friendship with Ashley. I would lose my friendship with Jake too, but for some reason I don't care about Jake right now lol. I think he's a jerk for treating Molly that way. I don't know...I just don't think this is fair to Molly at all, and I really care about her. I know that I would be devastated if someone kept this a secret from me...what would you do?
J2911 Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 I'm in kind of a tough situation and I'm not really sure whose side to take. I'll use fake names here to make the whole situation easier to follow. Two of my friends have been dating for about 8 months so far. We'll call them Molly and Jake. I met Molly a year ago, but we've started becoming good friends only in the past month or so. I've known Jake since high school (so about 7 years), so in a way I know him better than Molly. Jake has been liking another girl since high school, and I know he still does. We'll call this girl Ashley. Ashley has been my best friend since high school (about 9 years). To this day, she is absolutely the best friend I have ever had. We have been nothing but extremely loyal and helpful to each other, and I trust her completely. Even though Jake is with Molly, I question how much he likes her because when we all went partying one day, he had his eyes on Ashley the entire time. While slightly buzzed, he ended up flirting with Ashley which made Molly a little upset. When Molly and Jake make plans to spend time together, Jake always asks Ashley to come along, and when she's not there, Molly says that he always talks about her. I know that Molly senses how much Jake likes Ashley. She always tells me that Jake doesn't pay her the same amount of attention. Ashley recently disclosed to me that she might have feelings for Jake. I supported her because she is my best friend. Therefore, she had a talk with Jake and asked him if he even likes Molly at all. Obviously Jake told Ashley he likes her, and now he's about to break up with Molly to date Ashley. He hasn't broken up with Molly yet though, but I know he will. This will completely shatter Molly because Molly truly loves Jake. She envisions a future with him and everything. Molly and Ashley are also really good friends. Ashley told me that she doesn't want to lose Molly's friendship, so she and Jake are going to keep their relationship a total secret. I feel terrible for Molly and I really don't know what to do. Ashley is my best friend, but Molly is my friend too, and she's such a great person. In many ways, I think Molly is much more kindhearted than Ashley is, and I think it's unfortunate that this is happening to her. Some part of me wants to tell Molly the truth about what happened, but this means that I would lose my 9-year friendship with Ashley. I would lose my friendship with Jake too, but for some reason I don't care about Jake right now lol. I think he's a jerk for treating Molly that way. I don't know...I just don't think this is fair to Molly at all, and I really care about her. I know that I would be devastated if someone kept this a secret from me...what would you do? In my opinion , I feel that both Jake and Ashley are shady people . I believe it's ethical to tell molly what's going on if you care for her friendship at all. As a friend I believe she should have the right to know what's going on behind her back . 3
xxmusical Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 My initial advice was to tell you to stay out of their triangle... but, I think telling Molly about it would be the right thing to do. She deserves to know the truth. Even if not directly (that Jake is dating Ashley), tell her that Jake's a jerk (because he obviously is) and that she shouldn't waste her time with him. If you don't tell Molly, you'd definitely lose her friendship because she'll probably figure out that you've known this all along anyway. Or...persuade Jake and Ashley to tell Molly themselves. They do not deserve a "happy ending" by ruining someone else's life. :\ As for Ashley...well, I don't know, why didn't she like Jake before? Is it because she's jealous seeing him with someone else and that he's finally "taken" after all these years? Good luck. 2
bubbaganoosh Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 You know Jake longer than Molly so you can be more "yourself" with him and if it was me, I would tell him that you see whats going on and it's not fair to Molly and if he wants to be with Ashley then before he does, have the backbone to end it with Molly because what he's doing is really under handed and you know him to be a better person than that. I wouldn't pussy foot around with him and just lay it out so he knows where your coming from on this. That's what a friend does. 1
todreaminblue Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 Messy....... tell molly be there for her support her...your friend ashley is not being very helpful towards you you dont put friends in this position that you are in....there's no honor in what they are doing ashley and jake...knowing them longer isnt as important as being true friends..... ask them to come clean with molly or you will......you may lose their friendship....if you do lose them ....they were never friends of yours in the first place..and are pretty self serving if they want to continue to hurt another. which is molly and to put you, who is also supposedly a friend, in an awkward uncomfortable position...............deb 2
Ronni_W Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 purple, talk about being between a rock and a hard place, huh? I would tell Ashley and Jake together (at the same time) that if they do not come clean with Molly, then you will act from your own integrity, values and sense of decency and fair play, and tell Molly yourself. Remind them that THIS is why they are friends with you...your integrity, values, honesty, trustworthiness, etc. If they start 'dissing' on you, then ask them if they don't value you for your best qualities, for what do they value you? Be true to yourself, first and foremost...always. Best of luck. 6
Author purplesoccer34 Posted September 3, 2014 Author Posted September 3, 2014 My initial advice was to tell you to stay out of their triangle... but, I think telling Molly about it would be the right thing to do. She deserves to know the truth. Even if not directly (that Jake is dating Ashley), tell her that Jake's a jerk (because he obviously is) and that she shouldn't waste her time with him. If you don't tell Molly, you'd definitely lose her friendship because she'll probably figure out that you've known this all along anyway. Or...persuade Jake and Ashley to tell Molly themselves. They do not deserve a "happy ending" by ruining someone else's life. :\ As for Ashley...well, I don't know, why didn't she like Jake before? Is it because she's jealous seeing him with someone else and that he's finally "taken" after all these years? Good luck. Yeah, I was initially going to stay completely out of this, but I think I'll talk to Jake and Ashley and persuade them to tell Molly themselves. Molly has been hurt several times before by other guys, and I just don't think I could see her go though this again. Ashley on the other hand, has never truly been hurt--she's the one that does all the heartbreaking. Many guys find Ashley to be more attractive than Molly, and so Molly has always had a harder time in relationships. It's sad cause she's such a nice person. Lol Ashley likes Jake now because Jake is wayyy more attractive now than he was in high school. She's generally a shallow person like that when it comes to relationships, and considers looks to be her number one priority. She's only recently developed a slight crush on Jake, whereas Molly has been deeply in love with Jake for years. I know that Ashley is my best friend, but I'm almost starting to resent her for all these things. Considering all these things, Molly deserves so much better than Jake and I'm glad he's leaving her. 1
Kaiten Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 Purplesoccer, I have been in a very, very similar situation. I won't elaborate on the details of my own story, but I will hope that you trust my judgement on this one. Tell Molly. That's what a real friend would do. Jake is in the wrong for not being honest with Molly. Especially now that he is practically already with Ashley. It is your responsibility as a real friend to step up to the plate of friendship and tell Molly what's going on. Jake and Ashley aren't being honest with her now. And it could be because they don't want to hurt Molly. But a lot of times we make the wrong decisions because we want to mitigate damage. But the damage comes regardless of our intentions. With that, the sooner, the better. All you can do is have a talk with Ashley. Let her know that if they aren't going to tell Molly then, as Molly's friend, you will. You really need to ask yourself what you would want to happen if you were Molly. If Ashley and Jake un-friend you simply because you won't let them do this to Molly, then are they really your friends? It takes more than years to build long-lasting friendships. 4
Sugarkane Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 I've unfortunately been in Mollys shoes and no one told me. I got blindsided aswell. I lost respect for the so called friends and couldn't trust them. They Lost my friendship too. 1
Sugarkane Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 It's also been my experience that when people lie and cheat in romantic relationships, they have no problem doing the same with friendships etc in the rest of their life. 1
preraph Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 Molly saw this coming and there's no way when Jake disappears she's not going to know into whose arms. In the end, I expect Ashley and Jake will fall apart and get what they both deserve. If Molly has a brain in her head, she would have already ran off Ashley as a friend knowing she's after Jake. You took Ashley's side in this unholy alliance from the beginning, so you may as well wash poor Molly under the rug as everyone else has done. 1
Sugarkane Posted September 6, 2014 Posted September 6, 2014 As usual why is it always the person being betrayed, that gets washed under the rug by everyone? Molly saw this coming and there's no way when Jake disappears she's not going to know into whose arms. In the end, I expect Ashley and Jake will fall apart and get what they both deserve. If Molly has a brain in her head, she would have already ran off Ashley as a friend knowing she's after Jake. You took Ashley's side in this unholy alliance from the beginning, so you may as well wash poor Molly under the rug as everyone else has done.
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