adrian77 Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 All my life I was told how pretty I was and how people couldn't understand how I didn't have boyfriend. I'm married now but my husband was the only one to really show and interest (and he barely does anymore). I recall going to speed dating and not getting a, single match yet my friends who were plain got serveral. I was on Match and was talking to a guy and we made plans to meet up. As soon as he saw me he said his sister was having car trouble and he had to pick her up. Said he would meet me after but of course never heard from him after that. So it had to be my looks that made him quickly leave?
OwMyEyeball Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 Holding tightly to ugly beliefs - one being "I am undesirable" - is what most find unattractive in a date. I'm also a bit confused ... Are you still with your husband? Were these dates all prior to when you first started seeing him exclusively?
Author adrian77 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Posted September 2, 2014 Yes still with him and dates all before. But are people telling me I'm so pretty and can't understand why I didn't have boyfriend all because they feel sorry for me? Because until I met my husband nobody was ever interested in me.
FitChick Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 You could be so pretty that it scares men off, thinking they aren't good enough and you could find someone better so why bother? Unless people are telling you "You have such a pretty FACE..." That's an entirely different problem. Are you thinking of leaving your husband? 1
Author adrian77 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Posted September 2, 2014 What's wrong with having a pretty face? Granted I struggle with like 30 lbs I never looked obese but my friends who were bigger (or too skinny) and didn't have pretty faces either got many dates and matches. Not thinking of leaving no.
Assasda Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 Your friends are confident. You arnt. Thats why your friends have a better time than you. Insecure people exude an unattractive quality. Looks dont matter much
Supernatural Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 Tough call. This thread is all about the physical. All we can do is speculate and say you're lacking confidence. We would need a picture to give you actual feedback. Even then though, pictures are deceiving. I don't think, if you were actually 'ugly' people would call you pretty. I would say you're probably just insecure though. Insecurity in the self bleeds to all parts of a person.
GTO06 Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 Just out of curiosity, since you are married, why does this even matter to you? 1
ascendotum Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 Holding tightly to ugly beliefs - one being "I am undesirable" - is what most find unattractive in a date. I'm also a bit confused ... Are you still with your husband? Were these dates all prior to when you first started seeing him exclusively? If one gets success in the dating market you tend to not develop those beliefs. They do come from struggling with meeting bf/gs and are more often (not always if there are childhood issues) a symptom than the cause of hardship. Lots of people will give an attractive insecure person a go. In fact some find that humbleness refreshing as long as they are not depressed over their looks. If you are just average looking and also emotionally closed off over your looks, then yes it will exacerbate your difficulties. There is conflicting evidence from the OP. Her experiences seem to match her beliefs, though ugly is a very harsh word to use and simply not attractive might be a better descriptor. Also though seems plenty of others told her she was attractive and did not understand why she was single. If its just a few close friends who have a habit of lying to cheer other people up + aunties, uncles and older generation people, telling you they don't understand why you are single then its not a reliable indicator. If thasts not the case then there should be genuine beliefs behind those remarks. 30lbs overweight is not a big deal for a woman's friends but it is more so for single men if the woman is on the short side. I'm not sure what the OP wants in the way of reassurance. It might be reassuring to be in a relationship if you are desperate not to be single but not if you are being settled for, but then its very likely the other person is also getting settled for too.
FitChick Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 (edited) Have you gained that thirty pounds during your marriage? If so, that could explain why your husband is turned off. Whatever you do, don't 'comfort eat' and make the problem worse. Edited September 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
sid3 Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 (edited) Have you gained that thirty pounds during your marriage? If so, that could explain why your husband is turned off. Whatever you do, don't 'comfort eat' and make the problem worse. Maybe not the 'best' advice, but definitely the most honest. Edited September 3, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
OwMyEyeball Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 Yes still with him and dates all before. But are people telling me I'm so pretty and can't understand why I didn't have boyfriend all because they feel sorry for me? Because until I met my husband nobody was ever interested in me. It may be you are/were "pretty", but the insecurities really do destroy someone's sexiness. Does your husband find you beautiful? Does he tell you this?
Author adrian77 Posted September 3, 2014 Author Posted September 3, 2014 No I was 30 lbs overweight when we first started dating and he was attracted to me. I've lost and gained through out the years but even at my thinnest he didn't show interest.
preraph Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 Why don't you ask one or more of your best girlfriends to be honest and rate you on a 1-10 scale. You sure can't take your parents' word for it. Because to a good parent, their children are always the most beautiful person in the world.(but that's a good thing).
Smarty Pants Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 You have a husband who you love(?), so why is this even an issue?
Elle1975 Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 There are two schools for that. The "be yourself no matter what" school, and the "make a little effort" one. I believe we should be ourselves, but it doesn't hurt to dress up or wear make up, if you are not satisfied with your physical appearance. If you're overweight, lose weight. If you don't fit the beauty standards, make up can help tons (just google the before/after, you'll be surprised). To me it's mainly about personality. Google Serge Gainsbourg for instance, the guy really isn't up to the common beauty standards, yet he scored real beauties and I believe got married 3 times. Personality is a real turn on.
Versacehottie Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 The question is who was saying you are pretty? If it's mostly your girlfriends or other women, there is a different set of standards at play. Women tend to favor classic beauty, I think, and sophisticated looks whereas guys typically make quick judgements on things that catch the eye. Blonde hair (even when face is not that pretty will still usually garner a "hot" comment from a lot of guys whereas girls will see the real look and know which blondes are truly pretty and which just have eye-catching hair). That's just one example. Women also are socialized to support other women and give compliments as a form of bonding. Whereas with guys, if you are pretty, attractive or eye-catching you will get attention. The personality and confidence does come into play as well as the social situations you put yourself in. If you lead a more mellow, homebody life, you aren't going to get asked out as often or have a non-approachable personality or have levels yourself that are out of whack. It sounds like the real question you are asking is in reference to attention you receive from guys in which case theirs is the only opinion that matters. Lastly, I sure your husband sees you for your prettiness as well as all the other things that cause a guy to ask you to marry him--which undoubtedly are much more than looks.
William Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 Let's dispense with the picture solicitations. That's personally identifiable information and disallowed here. Focus on the topic and accept the description by the thread starter as authentic. Thanks.
Candy_Pants Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 I don't understand why posters are saying she shouldn't care since she has a husband. The OP can still be curious. That doesn't stop with marriage. Nor does the desire to be attractive. OP, everyone has a different idea of beauty. For instance, I know a woman who I think is gorgeous. She's covered in freckles and has a gap in her front teeth. Many people do not find her attractive. But I do. As for your husband...that's the real problem. How often do you initiate intimacy? Not just sex, but kissing, talking, enjoying each other's company. Have you spoken about the void in your lives? 1
FitChick Posted September 3, 2014 Posted September 3, 2014 Women also are socialized to support other women and give compliments as a form of bonding. That's why I never ask a woman if I want an honest opinion.
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