Magnet Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 Basically I have a black bag of her clothes. She had some of my clothes and I had some of her clothes. We were going to meet to swop them but I cancelled and told her to just leave it and do what she wanted with my clothes. I'm now on NC. She hasn't asked for her stuff back. It includes some clothes and some pictures she had ordered developed. Of her with her mates and a few of us. I want the stuff out of my place. So do I donate it to charity or Drop it off on her doorstep? And what do I do with the pictures- they are hers... Of her and her mates and a few pics of us.
Thruster Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 MAN UP! If she is close by drop it off tell her when it will be there If she is too far -- mail it but man up and send it back 1
carhill Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 Reading this thread as backstory, my opinion is, since you have her stuff packed up and it appears you and she are local, drop it off without fanfare and leave it at that. Think of it as your first clear action of moving on. Since there are no valuables, simply leave it at her door. My exW and I did this a bunch after separating, and even divorcing, whenever we'd find each other's 'stuff', since being married for a decade a lot of stuff gets 'lost' in the house. I remember, on one trip, just after we filed for divorce, I even encountered her new boyfriend. I simply left the items on the porch and left. No biggie. No one is harmed and life goes on. You can do it. 1
Author Magnet Posted September 2, 2014 Author Posted September 2, 2014 Reading this thread as backstory, my opinion is, since you have her stuff packed up and it appears you and she are local, drop it off without fanfare and leave it at that. Think of it as your first clear action of moving on. Since there are no valuables, simply leave it at her door. My exW and I did this a bunch after separating, and even divorcing, whenever we'd find each other's 'stuff', since being married for a decade a lot of stuff gets 'lost' in the house. I remember, on one trip, just after we filed for divorce, I even encountered her new boyfriend. I simply left the items on the porch and left. No biggie. No one is harmed and life goes on. You can do it. Cheers carhill for sharing your experience and advice. Appreciate it helps to see from more experienced perspective. This is the first time I've experienced the stuff handover thing. I was asking because I didn't want to break NC and neither did I want to make a big deal dropping off her stuff as I figured if she hadn't asked for it back she might not even miss it. I'll pop it over when I have time.
me85 Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 I'm glad you've decided to give her stuff back to her. That's the right thing to do. One day, you won't be angry at her or bitter about things anymore and you would really regret it if you didn't do the right thing by giving her stuff back. 1
carhill Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 I'll pop it over when I have time. Yep, that's what I did, since it's a 20+ mile drive to town. I simply worked it in with other stops. The only time she came out here was to get the title to one of her cars, since we had 'forgotten' it in the safe in my office where all the vehicle titles were. She had a buyer in hand and needed it immediately. Again, no rancor. You have choices about how you approach these things. It can be emotional or it can be business. Always remember she chose to leave you. Accept that. I know, it's not easy. BTDT. It'll get better. One day at a time. 1
Author Magnet Posted September 2, 2014 Author Posted September 2, 2014 Yep, that's what I did, since it's a 20+ mile drive to town. I simply worked it in with other stops. The only time she came out here was to get the title to one of her cars, since we had 'forgotten' it in the safe in my office where all the vehicle titles were. She had a buyer in hand and needed it immediately. Again, no rancor. You have choices about how you approach these things. It can be emotional or it can be business. Always remember she chose to leave you. Accept that. I know, it's not easy. BTDT. It'll get better. One day at a time. Cheers again. (I appreciate everybody's cup of suffering is differently sized so thanks for sharing about what you've experienced). It's good advice, I will just remove the remaining things one by one out of my life. It's just the business of moving on and looking after myself I'll let this thread die out now, I should stick to my one thread and I will update when I've made progress.
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