seriously messed up Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 Hi all, I'd like to start by saying hi to all the community. I am not new but have not been here in a very long time. I am a thirty year old woman with two kids and I really need some advice on a very touchy subject for me. I will be as short as possible but it will still be a long thread to read. So if you are patient and want to help out a nice girl, then read on. So a few years ago, I met someone really awesome. We were together for a few short weeks, I had been in love with someone else for a long time and I finally had my chance to be with him at someone else's expence. I met Sab while I was a dancer and we quickly became inseperable. I had fallen in love with him right away. Months went by and he had shown no interest in being with me. So I gave up. Then I met Ray. What a guy. We dated for a few short weeks and then Sab came to me and told me he wanted to be together. So I left Ray heart broken and went to Sab. Time passed on by and then I found out Sab and i were expecting a baby boy. To continue on without boring anyone I had our son and we were never the same again. Our son was born Dec 13 02, and not long after fighting and trying I realised our relationship had no future. During this time I still saw Ray, I made it clear to Sab that Ray would always be a part of my life and he somewhat accepted it. Here we are now, 2005, and I realized that I should have been with Ray all this time. I don't regret having my son but I love Ray and I always have. Sab and I legally seperated in Nov04, and now I am free to feel what I have always felt for Ray. Yet I made the mistake of telling him too soon and he says that he's not ready to settle down. So on new years eve this year I got stuck with a broken down car in Barry ontario, and guess who came to my rescue? None other than Ray. He took the day off work and rented a tow bar to come and get my sorry but. And he did't even complain about it. To make matters worse we drove back in a snow storm. Holy long trip. Left barry at 10 pm and got to my house at 6 am. Well we had not been together since we broke up and wow I felt at home and safe right were I was. So I told him soon after how I felt and he rejected me. Said he wasn't ready to settle, I am 30 he's 25. But at the same time he says" how can I trust you again? You left me before!! " And I was hanging my head. I know he's scared but I also know how much he cares for me and not just as a friend. We see each other alot and he shakes when I touch him. When we cuddle I feel how he feels about me but I don't know what to do .I will write more tomorow i need sleep .. Thank you for reading my story it means alot..........from cat
laRubiaBonita Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 well, he has not gone yet, so there is still time (and it will take time), to prove to ray that you care for him and want to be with him. Can you two not date? B/c he does nopt want to settle down yet.... not sure what he means by that, maybe ask specificaally what he is holding out for.
clynn Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 I don't really blame him. You went off and had two kids with someone else. Must've felt as though he had no choice but to get over you and accept that you couldn't be in his life in a romantic sense. How is he supposed to suddenly make the leap and believe it can be that way. Give him time. Time Time.
Author seriously messed up Posted March 4, 2005 Author Posted March 4, 2005 Well, I really appreciate all your thoughts. I know that it will take time but the end result of being with him will have made my patience worth it. He has told me that he worries that our relationship will not mean as much to me as it would to him. And he could not be more wrong. I made a huge mistake not staying with him but I can only show him now that he means the world to me. I have told him that I am willing to wait for him and he doesn't understand that. He has told me before that we would never be together that way again, but he shows me something much different. And lately he has been saying that we could end up together but he doesn't want to settle down. I have told him i am willing to wait two years, however if he is not ready by then, he's beat. I am 30 and don't want to be getting married and having a baby past the age of 32. Anyway, thank you all for your thoughts I have really been wrestling with all of this and emotionally it's taking it's toll on me. I hope the ending is a happy one......................................from cat
clynn Posted March 4, 2005 Posted March 4, 2005 all right. if you want to put ultimatums on him, there you go then.
badgirl2200 Posted March 17, 2005 Posted March 17, 2005 that was not very nice of you to say he deserves better than me what gives you the right to say that?
clynn Posted March 17, 2005 Posted March 17, 2005 seems to me he has hung around and stayed by you and been loyal with friendship in return. ....now you want him in your life romantically and if he doesn't live up to yoru 'timeline' bingo you're out of there. that's all.
Devildog Posted March 17, 2005 Posted March 17, 2005 I can't help but roll my eyes when I read posts like these. "I had this wonderful guy, but I dumped him for this other shiny bauble but that didn't work out and suddenly I realized that I should have stayed with the first guy. But now he doesn't seem grateful that I have decided he is worthy of another chance at me. What is wrong with him?" Saying you are sorry, and hanging your head is supposed to make that all better? Giving him deadlines to trust you to not tear his heart out again is supposed to make it better? Yeah, I agree, he deserves better than that. The fact that you are giving ultimatums and deadlines, to me that would say "she isn't seriously dedicated to 'us'".
ReluctantRomeo Posted March 17, 2005 Posted March 17, 2005 Originally posted by clynn seems to me he has hung around and stayed by you and been loyal with friendship in return. ....now you want him in your life romantically and if he doesn't live up to yoru 'timeline' bingo you're out of there. that's all. Yeah, drop the ultimatum thing. Frankly, I think you're lucky he's giving you a second chance. Especially since the terms of trade have altered in his favour since the last time. I think the advice given so far is good - take time, working on building trust.
ww Posted March 17, 2005 Posted March 17, 2005 well sometimes we love them and they go away...And that`s just it.
clynn Posted March 17, 2005 Posted March 17, 2005 also.......it is about particular personalites. For instance, I think I tend to be the type to fall hard for a person and not deviate from that all that easily. Other people want to have a girlfriend / boyfriend / partner, whatever and seek that as their goal. If it doesn't work with one, they move on. It seems less about the person as it is about their need to be with someone. Just musing.
ReluctantRomeo Posted March 18, 2005 Posted March 18, 2005 Originally posted by clynn For instance, I think I tend to be the type to fall hard for a person and not deviate from that all that easily. Me too
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