ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 What do you mean you smell something fishy? i told the girl i have been dating that i was going to get coffee with my ex I doubt she was highly thrilled with that, even if she said that was cool. Did your ex tell HER ex that she was going. Again, whats your motive?
Author generic person Posted September 2, 2014 Author Posted September 2, 2014 I doubt she was highly thrilled with that, even if she said that was cool. Did your ex tell HER ex that she was going. Again, whats your motive? My motive going into it was a bit of a mixed bag i guess, i wanted her to see me at my best, i wanted to see if i have feelings for her or if i just thought i did or even if she has feelings for me. I'm a little confused at the moment but definitely not upset at all im glad i sore her again and if she likes me or doesnt like me so be it. I asked her if she told her boyfriend and she said "i will but i haven't spoken to him yet"
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 My motive going into it was a bit of a mixed bag i guess, i wanted her to see me at my best, i wanted to see if i have feelings for her or if i just thought i did or even if she has feelings for me. I'm a little confused at the moment but definitely not upset at all im glad i sore her again and if she likes me or doesnt like me so be it. I asked her if she told her boyfriend and she said "i will but i haven't spoken to him yet" "I will but I havent spoken to him yet" = I'm afraid to tell him because he would get mad that I went behind his back to see you" She could have EASILY texted him. Takes two seconds. The fact that she left you the way she did a while ago, and now she is treating her ex in a sneaky fashion SHOULD show you she is the EXACT same person she was when she left. WHY would you even consider wanting that as a friend/taking it bacK/whatever the reason you met up lol. I feel this meeting just left more questions than answers and will ultimately put you in a BAD situation if nothing changes. You said "I wanted to see if I have feelings for her" is INCREDIBLY NOT FAIR to your current GF. Dont play both sides. If she knew that is why you went, I bet she wouldnt be pleased at ALL. 2
TigerLilly78 Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 Somethings not going well with your exs relationship so shes lining up a new or OLD guy you! to take his place just like she did to you a year ago and just like she WILL do to you again once she gets tired of you. But hey if you like being next in line go for it just let your current GF go cause you obivisely do not care about her feelings all that much compared to your own..shes "afraid" to tell her current cause well why rock the boat when you can play two men at once right? 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 (edited) Why not just be pleased with your new, 'in shape', good job having, life-enjoying ass and be happy WITHOUT her. This is a disaster waiting to happen. She's palying you... again. By saying she wants to see you again, she's manipulating the sh*t out of you. Here's what I see happening... -She continues to play you, making you think you have a chance with her, which obviously you want!! -You eventually dump your new GF to be with EX (add one more to LS). -As soon as she has you, you immediately notice her grow distant... again. -Soon enough, she kicks you to the curb... again. -Now you have nothing. -Now your self esteem is lower than before. You're playing with fire and you're gonna get burned!!! Edited September 2, 2014 by mtnbiker3000 6
TigerLilly78 Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 Agreed shes being manipulative the whole "you deleted my pics" thing is BS who cares if a guy you dumped via phone a year ago deleted your pics shes ether very unstable or a class A game player manipulator.. 1
Omei Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 The reason you're so happy and fit and have that dream job because she was gone while you learned to be happy without her. 3
dumbass2 Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 This has the makings of a very long thread. 1
Author generic person Posted September 2, 2014 Author Posted September 2, 2014 The reason you're so happy and fit and have that dream job because she was gone while you learned to be happy without her. Thats true I did this without her in my life at all although she was my motivation for it at the beginning, now its because i like my lifestyle but i can't help but think about her the last couple weeks. I do still have feelings for her. Just to clarify the girl i have been dating for the past few months isn't yet my girfriend, we haven't had the talk and we are at the moment both happy going with the flow and seeing what happens i guess. but lately it seems i have been thinking of my ex more then my new friend
frankvega Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 Bro honestly are you trying to get back with her or what? What good is closure going to do for you? it has been over 12 months. Be honest with your intentions. If you want her back say it. If not, then why do you need to torture yourself after 1 year just to begin the BU process all over again. Obviously if she left you for her ex she is the type of person that believes in reconciliations. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 (edited) Thats true I did this without her in my life at all although she was my motivation for it at the beginning, now its because i like my lifestyle but i can't help but think about her the last couple weeks. I do still have feelings for her. Just to clarify the girl i have been dating for the past few months isn't yet my girfriend, we haven't had the talk and we are at the moment both happy going with the flow and seeing what happens i guess. but lately it seems i have been thinking of my ex more then my new friend You are going on dates, so its at least common courtsey that if you have these feelings, you dont date. But that is beside the point. You knew EXACTLY what you were wanting when you walked out of the house today. You even said you tried to contact her a couple of times....You attempted to say it was for "closure" and whatever, but you wanted to see if you still had a chance...dont piss on my leg and tell me its raining lol. Look, you want us to give you actual advise, you have to be honest with YOUR intentions. From where I'm sitting, she is setting her ex up the EXACT SAME WAY she set you up a year ago. She is getting you there so when she is time to swing away from the ex, she will have a backup plan (you).The fact she didnt tell her ex before she went out that she was seeing you is the biggest b**** move. It takes two seconds to at LEAST TEXT. She is testing the waters too, but she is emotionally cheating. She probably still has feelings for you, but she will do the EXACT SAME THING AGAIN BECAUSE THAT IS THE TYPE OF PERSON SHE IS. You are also "dating" someone. Doesnt matter if its early or there isnt exact "labels". She doesnt deserve that. You need to let her know because that is some shady s***. Get your priorities straight. She clearly is going to keep dangling you there and keep you on this loop of s***. Be a man, not a boy. You spent all that time healing from a coward breakup from your EX and yet, you still want her in your life....thats sucks. You got better and have ALL this new things. Why not share it with someone who ACTUALLY wants to be with you and ACTUALLY cares about you. Not just as another flavor of the week Edited September 2, 2014 by ConfusedHumanBeing 2
Author generic person Posted September 2, 2014 Author Posted September 2, 2014 You are going on dates, so its at least common courtsey that if you have these feelings, you dont date. But that is beside the point. You knew EXACTLY what you were wanting when you walked out of the house today. You even said you tried to contact her a couple of times....You attempted to say it was for "closure" and whatever, but you wanted to see if you still had a chance...dont piss on my leg and tell me its raining lol. Look, you want us to give you actual advise, you have to be honest with YOUR intentions. From where I'm sitting, she is setting her ex up the EXACT SAME WAY she set you up a year ago. She is getting you there so when she is time to swing away from the ex, she will have a backup plan (you).The fact she didnt tell her ex before she went out that she was seeing you is the biggest b**** move. It takes two seconds to at LEAST TEXT. She is testing the waters too, but she is emotionally cheating. She probably still has feelings for you, but she will do the EXACT SAME THING AGAIN BECAUSE THAT IS THE TYPE OF PERSON SHE IS. You are also "dating" someone. Doesnt matter if its early or there isnt exact "labels". She doesnt deserve that. You need to let her know because that is some shady s***. Get your priorities straight. She clearly is going to keep dangling you there and keep you on this loop of s***. Be a man, not a boy. You spent all that time healing from a coward breakup from your EX and yet, you still want her in your life....thats sucks. You got better and have ALL this new things. Why not share it with someone who ACTUALLY wants to be with you and ACTUALLY cares about you. Not just as another flavor of the week I don't know what my intentions were, maybe i do want her back I guess I will always have feelings for her i mean we lived together and were together for 3 or 4 years. i know she had a gutless break up and i should hate her, but hating some one isn't my thing. I chose to forgive her a long time ago for myself to heal and stop wasting energy on it. today was good, i'm not going to lie I loved every second of seeing her again and chatting like we used to. and as far as i could tell she was stairing at me, laughing/smiling. Lets just say i did want her back (not saying i do) what do i do then.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 I don't know what my intentions were, maybe i do want her back I guess I will always have feelings for her i mean we lived together and were together for 3 or 4 years. i know she had a gutless break up and i should hate her, but hating some one isn't my thing. I chose to forgive her a long time ago for myself to heal and stop wasting energy on it. today was good, i'm not going to lie I loved every second of seeing her again and chatting like we used to. and as far as i could tell she was stairing at me, laughing/smiling. Lets just say i did want her back (not saying i do) what do i do then. Get your head examined. Your setting yourself up for being played like a fool. I mean, you took a year to improve yourself and you are clumsily, foolishly repeating history, not to mention being an absolute prick to the woman you are dating. If you insist on trying this again, at least have the common decency to let the girl you are dating loose. What you are doing isn't right. 3
Author generic person Posted September 2, 2014 Author Posted September 2, 2014 Get your head examined. Your setting yourself up for being played like a fool. I mean, you took a year to improve yourself and you are clumsily, foolishly repeating history, not to mention being an absolute prick to the woman you are dating. If you insist on trying this again, at least have the common decency to let the girl you are dating loose. What you are doing isn't right. of course i would tell the new girl if anything else happened or if i was going to try get her back, but at this stage it was a one off coffee that i'm probably over analyzing to the ****house. I just wanted an insight into what my ex might be thinking and how i should behave/act in front of her for the first time.
Simon Phoenix Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 of course i would tell the new girl if anything else happened or if i was going to try get her back, but at this stage it was a one off coffee that i'm probably over analyzing to the ****house. I just wanted an insight into what my ex might be thinking and how i should behave/act in front of her for the first time. The fact that you are overanalyzing it is exactly why going was a bad idea. Coffee is coffee and you are making it into a nuclear missile launch. 1
Author generic person Posted September 2, 2014 Author Posted September 2, 2014 The fact that you are overanalyzing it is exactly why going was a bad idea. Coffee is coffee and you are making it into a nuclear missile launch. Yeah i guess so FML anyway i haven't contacted her since so i guess i will just go on like i have been and see what happens if i even here from her again but i won't be breaking no contact at all first
frankvega Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 Before meeting the person that brought me to this forum I had gotten back with most of my ex's. Do you know what they all had in common??? That none of them worked out in the long run. Do you know which ones were the ones that lasted the longest after getting back together??? The ones I was truly over with emotionally. I didn't even think too much about it. We just met casually for drinks at a night club and very early on without a single doubt in there mind I expressed sexual interest in them. I didnt beet around the bush and I made it very clear why I was meeting up with her again, and that was to have sex. After that if I was single and she was single and we wanted to give it another shot than I would clearly tell her face to face like a man and say I want be exclusive again. Stop over thinking this man. 1
emotionalMess Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 OP, dude, she did not say the magic words. "I made the biggest mistake of my life when I left you, I can't live with out you, I miss you and think about you every day and I will spend the rest of my life proving to you how much I truly love you if you give me one more chance". Anything short of that, its curtains! She has the upper hand. Kindly let her know that you are not interested and see if she cracks. Let her feel the pain for once. Not for revenge but because it's best for you. If she begs, then find out why she is begging, does she love you or just reacting to rejection? 2
Author generic person Posted September 2, 2014 Author Posted September 2, 2014 Before meeting the person that brought me to this forum I had gotten back with most of my ex's. Do you know what they all had in common??? That none of them worked out in the long run. Do you know which ones were the ones that lasted the longest after getting back together??? The ones I was truly over with emotionally. I didn't even think too much about it. We just met casually for drinks at a night club and very early on without a single doubt in there mind I expressed sexual interest in them. I didnt beet around the bush and I made it very clear why I was meeting up with her again, and that was to have sex. After that if I was single and she was single and we wanted to give it another shot than I would clearly tell her face to face like a man and say I want be exclusive again. Stop over thinking this man. This makes sence, in all honesty if i did want her back i think my best approach would be to tell her i had a good time but i can't talk to her again unless she wants to give it another crack. see ya later sayonara? i honestly think if i wanted to she would have let me kiss her.
Author generic person Posted September 2, 2014 Author Posted September 2, 2014 OP, dude, she did not say the magic words. "I made the biggest mistake of my life when I left you, I can't live with out you, I miss you and think about you every day and I will spend the rest of my life proving to you how much I truly love you if you give me one more chance". Anything short of that, its curtains! She has the upper hand. Kindly let her know that you are not interested and see if she cracks. Let her feel the pain for once. Not for revenge but because it's best for you. If she begs, then find out why she is begging, does she love you or just reacting to rejection? No she didnt say the magic words at all, but i am thinking about letting her know im not interested anymore, and i can't talk to her. she definitely makes more effort when i give one word answers and short responses in my texts./ i wont contact her unless she contacts me again, and if she does i will see what she says and probably let her know than
Michael 93 Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 OP, I am going to give you my advice. I have been in exactly the same situation as you, maybe almost identical in the sense of these "coffee Meetups" You have to please listen to me now when I say.. CUT IT, AND CUT IT NOW. If you read through my thread you will see that I met up twice for "coffee" with my Ex. After having time to reflect I can quite honestly say It did nothing but prolong the pain and hurt me even more. You may say that you feel much better after the meeting and that's purely because you seen her, give this a week, maybe two and you will be on here wondering why she hasn't contacted you and why she hasn't asked to meet again? And you know why? Because she has someone else man..What you have done is confirm to her that you are still available and willing to talk. After 12 months!? There was quite possibly nothing of any importance that could of come from this meeting. My ex made all the same moves at the coffee shop ,if not more, "Of course I miss you, He's nothing on you, describing what went wrong, laughing, joking, memories" Do you know how much of that was worth anything? NON. It has made no difference at all, all it did was reaffirm to her that I was still head over heels. I agree with the others here, you must explain that whilst you enjoyed your meet, it still hurts you to see her in this way and you want all or nothing. However...IF you are over her then continue to maintain a platonic relationship, because after all its not going to hurt you is it?? I think we both know that is not the case...... Mike 6
Author generic person Posted September 2, 2014 Author Posted September 2, 2014 OP, I am going to give you my advice. I have been in exactly the same situation as you, maybe almost identical in the sense of these "coffee Meetups" You have to please listen to me now when I say.. CUT IT, AND CUT IT NOW. If you read through my thread you will see that I met up twice for "coffee" with my Ex. After having time to reflect I can quite honestly say It did nothing but prolong the pain and hurt me even more. You may say that you feel much better after the meeting and that's purely because you seen her, give this a week, maybe two and you will be on here wondering why she hasn't contacted you and why she hasn't asked to meet again? And you know why? Because she has someone else man..What you have done is confirm to her that you are still available and willing to talk. After 12 months!? There was quite possibly nothing of any importance that could of come from this meeting. My ex made all the same moves at the coffee shop ,if not more, "Of course I miss you, He's nothing on you, describing what went wrong, laughing, joking, memories" Do you know how much of that was worth anything? NON. It has made no difference at all, all it did was reaffirm to her that I was still head over heels. I agree with the others here, you must explain that whilst you enjoyed your meet, it still hurts you to see her in this way and you want all or nothing. However...IF you are over her then continue to maintain a platonic relationship, because after all its not going to hurt you is it?? I think we both know that is not the case...... Mike This is probably the best post in my thread so far, honest, not completely harsh and probably correct. I was just going to not contact her again unless she contacts me first. but i do like the idea of explaining myself and been the one to cut ties. i just would be worried about putting my heart on my sleave again which is going to hurt 1
Michael 93 Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 This is probably the best post in my thread so far, honest, not completely harsh and probably correct. I was just going to not contact her again unless she contacts me first. but i do like the idea of explaining myself and been the one to cut ties. i just would be worried about putting my heart on my sleave again which is going to hurt @generic person I just want to help you man, I know how much this can mentally aswell as physically drain you...Its horrible. And again, you can look over my previous threads, I contemplated not texting her, texting her first, leaving it with her, sending her a funny picture, sending flowers gestures... You name it, seriously. I look back on some of the things I did now and I can quite honestly say I cringe at myself. In my personal opinion gaining control is the most important in a situation like this. By explaining to her you really enjoyed the meet, however this is not good for you as you still have feelings for her and that you cannot just be her friend. Unfortunately you will not be making contact with her any more. This gives you the control, you have not only been fair to yourself but you have been fair to her, if anything she will admire you more for making a stand and making the decision. One thing you have to realise, you can never control another persons emotions, you can take control of the situation but not there emotions. Whether they want to come back or not only they can make that decision, do not force it. Take control of the situation, make your stand and get yourself in the best possible position. You have lasted 12 months without this woman, not imagining her as a part of your life again is horrible. Believe me I know. But you must maintain your pride and continue to work on becoming the best man you can be. She will respect you for this. Please regain yourself and do not give her any more of your power. You will probably allow this to occupy your mind more and more for the coming week or so, It gets worse as the days go on after a meet. Be strong and stay busy. Mike 1
lauri Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 Not surprised of the outcome of your meeting. I view her comments as a bunch of "white noise" and all for her. My ex girlfriend cornered me at my house because I wouldn't respond to her texts or answer her phone calls for a good 8 months. It was driving her insane...want to know the funny part? She had a boyfriend at the time too (she didn't tell me / nor did I find out till later). During the corning, she would ask me things like "Do you have a girlfriend?", "Have you moved on?", "Do you still think of me?", "Would you get back with me?"...all major breadcrumbs. I knew she didn't want to get back with me so I straight up told her that everything she is saying is a waste of time because she doesn't want to be with me. She would say "That may not be true in the future..maybe I will want to be back with you", "I just don't want to lead you on right now". My conclusion is meeting with an ex for "coffee" and giving her the avenue to speak her mind / clear her conscience is a waste of time and doesn't do you any good. Trust me man, if this girl is meeting with you when she has a boyfriend she isn't loyal and worth your time. When I have a girlfriend, I would expect her to be straight forward with me and not meeting with an ex behind my back to talk to him. I wouldn't even respond to her next time she contacts you, she sounds like is going to wasted your time. 3
johnson_j Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 I'm not saying anything that hasn't already been said, but here goes anyways. Met up with my "ex" because she was feeling better, spent about $80 on dinner and inflated her ego, while also torpedoing a new relationship I was in at the time, just to watch the "ex" lie and then go running back to the other guy, so far as texting him while we were together. Man I was a fool.
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