Why do I keep going back to him-when I know its going to be the same BS

[nicole25]

Sometimes I dont know why I do the things I do. I have been seeing this guy for about 3 1/2 years now and our relationship has just gone down the drain to say the least. It's gotten so bad that I dont even want him to touch me anymore in any way, having sex is like once in a blue moon, and being intimate with him is not a priority to me anymore. I have been very emotionally abused by the one I thought I loved for a long time and he has this controlling way about him that whenever I want to break up, he puts the guilt trip on me or he starts crying and says' " He really doesnt like being this way to me," and says that if I leave him that he will kill himself becuase he isnt going to meet someone like me again who cares that much for him like I do.

 

Except, I dont get anything back in return. I have to give up everything it seems to make him happy. Friends, my self-confidence, self-esteem, my whole life and personality and even then I cant make him happy. Every day is a struggle with him, we constantly fight, I cant do or say anything right, he has dwindled my self-worth in every aspect possible. It seems like I cant make a decision for/by myself without consulting him first, and if he dont like it then thats the end of it.

 

The thing is though, when I do actually break up with him, I cant seem to find anyone else, so as time passes I feel the need to have a significant other there and I ALWAYS go back to him. I dont want to, but I feel I need some stability in my life, where as in actuality all I'm getting is a controlling,abusive,negative, angry person back in my life. He only lives 9 miles away from me so it's hard not to see him. I finally got him to consider counseling, but even so, he makes up excuses whenever his appt. comes around and he ends up not going for one reason or another. If he wants to change so badly, and he doesnt like treating me this way then why doesnt he want to make the step and change it!! Should I dump him for good or stay with him throughout this counseling and see what happens? Or do you think too much damage is done in the past for us to be a "normal" couple again. What do you think? Any suggestions will help.

[Merin]

Ugh..

 

Honestly it is these types of relationships that scar a person deeply.

 

I know because I was with a guy just like this one..

 

You've been with this guy for quite awhile.. and in this time he hasn't changed and if you're honest about it has probably gotten worse instead of better in his behaviour.. he is controlling you and you've given him permission to do so in staying there with him.

 

Once you let go of him so to speak, you're not giving yourself enough time to adjust to life again and live.. I know being single can sometimes be lonely... but being with an abuser is worse than being alone.. it's being lonely WITH your *Partner* and it's taking a toll on your self esteem.. believe me it will take more time to recover in self esteem than it will to find someone else the longer you allow this to go on.

 

Let go of him... he's said he will get help.. but words are empty without the action behind it.. if he wishes to get help then good to go.. let him do that on HIS OWN.

 

Get on with your own life and figure out what makes YOU happy.. When or IF he gets some serious help and can SHOW you he's making every effort to do the right things for himself and for you and you still want to give him a chance AFTER he's shown you the changes in his life and behaviour then all you...

 

Good Luck... and for real.. life is to damn short to stay with someone who doesn't make you feel good.