sparkle008 Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 I'm posting in this forum because this is where I started and everyone has helped me out tremendously by giving their opinion (whether I agreed or not). We both started out as a MW and MM. He is now in the process of a divorce and his wife has moved out. Same with me. We definitely want to be together but I don't know how to "introduce" him to my kids. We certainly don't want them to know we met in a chat room and then continued it toward an affair. Has anyone else encountered this?
anika99 Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 Sounds like your spouse moved out very recently. It is far to soon to be introducing your children to another man. Focus on helping your kids get through this. The other man can wait. 1
HPrynne Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 How about waiting until you've been separated at least a year - or preferably, until six months or a year after the second of your two divorces is final - to introduce your new partner to your kids? The more time the kids have to adjust, the better. And the more solid your relationship with your new partner will be at that point (or not) so you are certain not to introduce them when things might not work out still. Does anyone know about the affair? 1
whichwayisup Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 How about slow it down and just date in a proper way? You two must break the affair dynamic. And heal from divorcing and dealing with all the changes for the kids. Do NOT bring him into your life and get your kids to meet him for a long time. I say at least a year. It's way too soon to involve your kids in this. 1
Author sparkle008 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Posted September 2, 2014 I agree with all of you about waiting for quite awhile to introduce him to my kids. My kids are older (23 and 20) and he has two teenagers so at least they are not very young. They had such a non-loving mom, and I'm the opposite, so I would love to show them what a caring mom is like (but I know not to be anxious). There is only one person (on my side) who knows of the affair - my best friend. I wanted to figure what to "tell" the kids as far as how we met (make something up? say "through a friend") and needed some suggestions on this.
bentleychic Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 I would just say he was an old friend myself. At those ages, they don't care so much about our details. They're kind of self involved. In this instance, that could work out well for your situations. Good luck!
lovinDKT3 Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 Just be honest, they are adults. I could only see being ashamed of your actions as the reason you would lie to them. Problem is they will likely figure it out. My son was only 9 when his father and I divorced due to my affair. We protected him for all that and he figured it out. At some point when its all relaxed something will be said or done that will alert them to the true origin of the relationship. At some point you have to be totally open and honest with your loved ones. It appears you never did that with your husband so at least gave that to your children. Good Luck 1
whichwayisup Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 I agree with all of you about waiting for quite awhile to introduce him to my kids. My kids are older (23 and 20) and he has two teenagers so at least they are not very young. They had such a non-loving mom, and I'm the opposite, so I would love to show them what a caring mom is like (but I know not to be anxious). There is only one person (on my side) who knows of the affair - my best friend. I wanted to figure what to "tell" the kids as far as how we met (make something up? say "through a friend") and needed some suggestions on this. But she's still their mom and they love her. Please don't try to replace her. Yes, you can show their kids love and care but as a step mom. I think you're too focused on the kids. The divorces haven't gone through yet and it's way too soon for you to worry about when to introduce the kids, let alone make up a lie on how you and him met. 1
MissBee Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 I wouldn't worry about introducing him to your children anytime soon. He is in the process of divorce so it's still not settled, so that said, you have a lot of time to date normally and introduce him to your kids later on. I think taking the introductions slowly is the best way to go and giving it some time to where they don't feel you just divorced and now this man is here. 1
Author sparkle008 Posted September 2, 2014 Author Posted September 2, 2014 Oh no, I would never try to replace their mom - just show them more love. I will always be their step mom. A mom is a mom and I understand that. You're right, it's too early and we have much to figure out first.
Recommended Posts