heyitsmike Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 Me and my ex-girlfriend of about 15 months broke up 2 months ago and have been back and forth all summer long until recently when I decided that she needs to take the time to get right with everything in her life. The reasons for the break up ranged from school related stress, to a newly formed depression, which caused her to "not love herself enough to even love another." this is what prompted me to say take some time to find happiness within yourself, and then maybe if you can find it we could work things out in the future. But as of yesterday my good friend talked with her and found out she has developed an attraction to this 31-year old guy she works with who might still be in a relationship right now. Apparently for some reason it cant work because they’re “too good of friends” I heard, but the fact that she had that attraction or thought in her head in the first place, was potentially the catalyst into her maybe breaking up with me. She told me her depression made her toxic and not able to be with someone right now and that she still loves me but I shouldn't wait around for her to get better. We text occasionally but its mostly all from her end making small talk and checking in on me (which I now realize might just be a way for her to tide her own guilt and remind herself that I'm still friendly with her AKA I'M STILL IN HER POCKET) now it all makes sense... unfortunately... this is the same girl that said she'd never hurt me because we have both been cheated on and lied to in past relationships and I feel very betrayed. I still love this girl and while nothing has happened I think between her and this other 31-year old guy, it’s the thought that counts. So I’m at a standstill because I have this piece of information and I feel the need to act on it. Here are the two options I’m debating between: OPTION #1 Ask her to meet up in a public non-threatening environment, make small talk and then tell her what she is telling me isn’t lining up with the symptoms of depression, and ask her is that really the reason she ended things. Assuming she owns up to it, I can act surprised and say "I understand people change, but when you lie to someone (especially given our past with lies in a relationship) that’s where it becomes hurtful.” Also throw in a line about how I respect myself enough to see what’s going on here and I've been very reserved about my suspicions because I trusted it was something depression related. Then after a few more carefully placed statements I’ll tell her "the next time you’re up at night thinking about us and what we had, just remember what’s happening right now. You’ve said our relationship was such a good thing for you and I know you're not used to those types of good things, but realize right now this good thing is walking away from you because of what you did, and that's lie. I love you to death and all I want to do is make you happy."...And then walk away from her to my car and drive off Pros: - shows her I have respect for myself - might "rattle her cage," into realizing this person I love is walking away from me and I really love him - do not have to look like an idiot when something is going on behind my back OPTION #2 NO CONTACT RULE just cut it off. Any text or method of communication from her is to be ignored (if there are any) until I get something that is either related to meeting up or talking about our relationship again pros: - maybe time away might cause her to miss me again (even though we've kind of gone through that this summer already) - might drive her crazy as to why I'm not contacting her cons: - maybe shell get used to having me out of her life - maybe give her the opportunity to wait in the wings for an opportunity to strike with this 31-year old guy from work. - She might get "the hint" that I’m either mad or I don’t want to talk to her and shell do the same thing I’m doing, which is wait until I reach out to her. --------- I’m not sure which option to do or if there are any fresh ideas you guys have because I’m in quite a predicament here. And yes I know everyone will say to move on, but for me right now I just want to either go out on my own terms or put myself in a position to make her realize in some way what she lost. What do you think? Advice? Suggestions?
Feelbettersoon Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 I may not have advice because I'm also stuck in similar, tonight I found out my ex who ended it over a month ago (blaming me) is potentially involved in someone else!! This person was lingering around when we were together. If this is the case for both of us then what the f***!! Makes me so angry and we don't deserve these kind of people.
Mary Oak Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 From the stories i have read here, i think very rarely the reason the give is the reason they break up. Each dumpers probably has their own reason for this. Speculating why they gave a different reason is of no help. Why not just be forth coming and ask her about the other man. Then make a more informed decision with that information. If you dont think she will be honest, then you dont need to go further anyway. There is no reason to play games and pretend you dont know, because you know. And if you live this person you want things to be honest and not try to catch her in a lie. Thats not mature. If she says she likes him, then i say to back off and let her be. No other option really.
lolablue17 Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 (edited) You take things too literally. When a girl is breaking up with you and says "I need time for myself, I will not be with someone else for a long time", Don't take her words as if it's the bible. She might trying not to hurt you. Or she may be honest at the same minute, and change her mind in a day. When two past friends meet they always say - "we must meet again very soon". the may mean it but these are mostly words to be said just for the record, nobody takes it too seriously. Drop it. She owes you nothing. If you do somethings you'll be like the rejected kid who wasn't invited to the party, so he's trying to ruin everything for others... Edited September 1, 2014 by lolablue17
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