Fantasies87 Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 Well, let me just start out by saying that I am attracted to a married man and it literally hurts. Nothing has happened and I am sure nothing will ever happen. I do not even know why I feel so strongly about this man because I know I am not one of those women who would willingly have an affair with a married man. My father cheated on my mother during their entire marriage and it has scarred me for life. I do not even want to get married but anyway, here is my issue... A lady I worship with is married to a very handsome man. He is not of the same faith as she is so I never see him during our services. It is just weird because I went from never seeing him to seeing him at least once a week. After a month, he finally accepted my Facebook request. He lives less than five minutes from me and I am friends with his daughter so whenever I spend time with her, of course I see him. Well, about 2 months ago I went to get lunch on my break from work and he walked in. Like a big dummy, I started smiling like a kid in a candy store and said hello. He spoke but then passed me and went to the restroom. When he came out he pointed at me and asked where he knew me from. I said I worship with his wife and daughter and he did not say a word. We had small talk and he asked where I worked and what school I graduated from. He was standing so close to me I could literally feel the heat radiating from his body. I could see him looking at me and I caught his eyes roaming all over my body. After my food was ready, I said bye to him and left. I wanted to eat lunch with him but I did not want to be disrespectful because I knew I would just stare at him and blush. Well, ever since then I have seen him a few times. In fact that next week, he was at a wedding with his family and we shook hands and he smiled that beautiful smile and I just almost melted. Well, fast forwarding to now...I took his daughter out to dinner and as I took her home, she invited me and my sister in for a bit. His car was there but no lights were on so I assumed it was just us girls. Well, he was indeed there and he came from the kitchen and spoke to us. I could not bear to look at him But when I finally looked up, he was looking at me and smiling and as usual, I melted. Now I can't stop thinking about him. I had a dream about him that literally lasted all night. Every time I get to where my crush is fading, I see him again. I know nothing has happened but I am so strongly attracted to him that I can't think of anyone or anything else! I am sure him looking at me and smiling is just a man being a man and I know I am just feeding his ego.
Quiet Storm Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 We all have feelings, but it's what you do with those feelings that counts. Very early on , around toddler age, we learn to control our actions. We learn that even if we are seething with anger, it is not appropriate to hit our siblings. We learn that even if we are very sad about not getting a toy we want, we can't drop to the floor and cry over it. Attraction is just an emotion like anger or sadness, and it doesn't have to be acted out. Since you know these feelings are inappropriate, you need to control the way you react to the feelings. That means avoiding contact with him, redirecting your thoughts, and not feeding those feelings by thinking so much about him. People often use attraction as an excuse for their actions- saying things like "it just happened" or "our connection was uncontrollable", but that's bull. You don't have to be a slave to your emotions. Your logic- the intellectual part of your mind- needs to reign in that emotional and vulnerable part of your mind. Learn to protect yourself, from yourself. 3
thekid36 Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 Well, let me just start out by saying that I am attracted to a married man and it literally hurts. Nothing has happened and I am sure nothing will ever happen. I do not even know why I feel so strongly about this man because I know I am not one of those women who would willingly have an affair with a married man. My father cheated on my mother during their entire marriage and it has scarred me for life. I do not even want to get married but anyway, here is my issue... A lady I worship with is married to a very handsome man. He is not of the same faith as she is so I never see him during our services. It is just weird because I went from never seeing him to seeing him at least once a week. After a month, he finally accepted my Facebook request. He lives less than five minutes from me and I am friends with his daughter so whenever I spend time with her, of course I see him. Well, about 2 months ago I went to get lunch on my break from work and he walked in. Like a big dummy, I started smiling like a kid in a candy store and said hello. He spoke but then passed me and went to the restroom. When he came out he pointed at me and asked where he knew me from. I said I worship with his wife and daughter and he did not say a word. We had small talk and he asked where I worked and what school I graduated from. He was standing so close to me I could literally feel the heat radiating from his body. I could see him looking at me and I caught his eyes roaming all over my body. After my food was ready, I said bye to him and left. I wanted to eat lunch with him but I did not want to be disrespectful because I knew I would just stare at him and blush. Well, ever since then I have seen him a few times. In fact that next week, he was at a wedding with his family and we shook hands and he smiled that beautiful smile and I just almost melted. Well, fast forwarding to now...I took his daughter out to dinner and as I took her home, she invited me and my sister in for a bit. His car was there but no lights were on so I assumed it was just us girls. Well, he was indeed there and he came from the kitchen and spoke to us. I could not bear to look at him But when I finally looked up, he was looking at me and smiling and as usual, I melted. Now I can't stop thinking about him. I had a dream about him that literally lasted all night. Every time I get to where my crush is fading, I see him again. I know nothing has happened but I am so strongly attracted to him that I can't think of anyone or anything else! I am sure him looking at me and smiling is just a man being a man and I know I am just feeding his ego. I honestly think that you are playing with fire here. Not necessarily wrong that you would talk about your work or where you graduated from. What worries me is how you reacted to the conversation. Feeling the heat and watching his eyes. This means that your intentions go beyond mere friendship. He should be ashamed of himself for thinking of someone else while still being married. This is exactly how cheating tends to start. May have already cheated within his mind. Some consider that cheating all in itself. Not sure what his exact intentions are at this point. They do not seem to be completely innocent ones at all. The chances are that he will continue smiling around you. Will continue looking you up and down when both close to one another. Only way to be safe is to stop all contact now. No good can come of this. He is not available to you the way you would like for him to be. You have no idea where he is within his marriage. Does not necessarily sound as if he will be ready to leave at any point. Which means that any contact you have will be him having his cake and eating it too. You deserve the full attention of an available suitor. Anything you might get from the situation will most likely prove to be empty and false.
sid3 Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 I honestly think that you are playing with fire here. Not necessarily wrong that you would talk about your work or where you graduated from. What worries me is how you reacted to the conversation. Feeling the heat and watching his eyes. This means that your intentions go beyond mere friendship. He should be ashamed of himself for thinking of someone else while still being married. This is exactly how cheating tends to start. May have already cheated within his mind. Some consider that cheating all in itself. Not sure what his exact intentions are at this point. They do not seem to be completely innocent ones at all. The chances are that he will continue smiling around you. Will continue looking you up and down when both close to one another. Only way to be safe is to stop all contact now. No good can come of this. He is not available to you the way you would like for him to be. You have no idea where he is within his marriage. Does not necessarily sound as if he will be ready to leave at any point. Which means that any contact you have will be him having his cake and eating it too. You deserve the full attention of an available suitor. Anything you might get from the situation will most likely prove to be empty and false. I disagree. What's to say his smiles were anything more than being friendly. It would appear it is her that is getting the wet panties regardless of his martial situation. 2
thekid36 Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 I disagree. What's to say his smiles were anything more than being friendly. It would appear it is her that is getting the wet panties regardless of his martial situation. Looking a woman up and down is not necessarily only being friendly. Even if what you suggest is correct. No matter really what his individual intentions are. She needs to remove herself from the situation at this point. Because of how she reacts to him being around. It is best to be proactive when a potential problem exists.
sid3 Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 Looking a woman up and down is not necessarily only being friendly. Even if what you suggest is correct. No matter really what his individual intentions are. She needs to remove herself from the situation at this point. Because of how she reacts to him being around. It is best to be proactive when a potential problem exists. Agreed. And who's to say if her perception of his looking her up and down is entirely accurate. People often see/believe what they want to. 1
No Limit Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 I disagree. What's to say his smiles were anything more than being friendly. It would appear it is her that is getting the wet panties regardless of his martial situation. Indeed. At least I don't expect a guy to get a boner when I smile at him.
whichwayisup Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 Well, let me just start out by saying that I am attracted to a married man and it literally hurts. Nothing has happened and I am sure nothing will ever happen. I do not even know why I feel so strongly about this man because I know I am not one of those women who would willingly have an affair with a married man. My father cheated on my mother during their entire marriage and it has scarred me for life. I do not even want to get married but anyway, here is my issue... A lady I worship with is married to a very handsome man. He is not of the same faith as she is so I never see him during our services. It is just weird because I went from never seeing him to seeing him at least once a week. After a month, he finally accepted my Facebook request. He lives less than five minutes from me and I am friends with his daughter so whenever I spend time with her, of course I see him. Well, about 2 months ago I went to get lunch on my break from work and he walked in. Like a big dummy, I started smiling like a kid in a candy store and said hello. He spoke but then passed me and went to the restroom. When he came out he pointed at me and asked where he knew me from. I said I worship with his wife and daughter and he did not say a word. We had small talk and he asked where I worked and what school I graduated from. He was standing so close to me I could literally feel the heat radiating from his body. I could see him looking at me and I caught his eyes roaming all over my body. After my food was ready, I said bye to him and left. I wanted to eat lunch with him but I did not want to be disrespectful because I knew I would just stare at him and blush. Well, ever since then I have seen him a few times. In fact that next week, he was at a wedding with his family and we shook hands and he smiled that beautiful smile and I just almost melted. Well, fast forwarding to now...I took his daughter out to dinner and as I took her home, she invited me and my sister in for a bit. His car was there but no lights were on so I assumed it was just us girls. Well, he was indeed there and he came from the kitchen and spoke to us. I could not bear to look at him But when I finally looked up, he was looking at me and smiling and as usual, I melted. Now I can't stop thinking about him. I had a dream about him that literally lasted all night. Every time I get to where my crush is fading, I see him again. I know nothing has happened but I am so strongly attracted to him that I can't think of anyone or anything else! I am sure him looking at me and smiling is just a man being a man and I know I am just feeding his ego. You need to stop. It's only a matter of time before you become someone you won't want to be - an OW. You are certainly setting yourself up for it, and he knows you're very into him. Of course it's an ego feed for him, as well as for you! You are letting fantasies and thoughts make you want him more and more. Why are you facebook friends with him? All that does now is set the scene. It won't be long before you two flirt and start talking inappropriately to one another. If you truly do NOT want an affair, then you need to distance and detach yourself from him and his life, and that means his daughters as well. Not sure how old you are, but why are you spending time with his kids? You know his wife. Your own reputation is at risk. People gossip and if you're all puppy dog around him, smiles and looking at him, lighting up like a Christmas tree when you see him, then others are going to notice, especially his wife. Keep that in mind. And, keep reminding yourself about your cheating father, how you felt, how your mom felt. You need to be real tough on yourself and STOP thinking of him. Stop fantasizing and lusting.. All that does is fuel your attraction to him.
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