questionsforthenouns Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 Whelp, I'm back on LS with a new username. Just like last year, I'm going through a tough time with my current SO. Long story short, my gf and I have been having problems. The other day, she broke things off with me on the phone. Then, after we met up to talk today, she told me that she really wanted to get back together, to work on things and get back to where we once were (happy) in our relationship, but she also admitted to kissing a couple guys, one on thursday and one on friday (before we had broken up mind you), and I'm ****ing furious. I have a headache and a heartache like you wouldn't ****ing believe. The reason I need advice is because if I didn't really care about this girl, I would break up immediately and move on. BUT I DO really care about her. I love her deeply. I know most of you are going to tell me to just bail, but put yourself in my shoes. It's so hard to just leave somebody you care about so much. Especially when they show interest in working on things. I would love some feedback. Thank you
No Limit Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 NC. NC NC NC NC. The feelings will go away in time.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 Oh, hale no. She is not trustworthy and doesn't know what she wants. Don't be a willing participant in your own heartache. You may care about her and love her deeply, but she doesn't feel the same way about you. If she did, she would never have cheated and broke up with you in the first place. I would not stay with someone like her. It won't end well.
Zahara Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 I know most of you are going to tell me to just bail, but put yourself in my shoes. It's so hard to just leave somebody you care about so much. Especially when they show interest in working on things. I would love some feedback. Thank you I'll put yourself in your shoes. Been there, done that. Love and care isn't a good enough reason to stay with someone that cheats. Infact, when you deal with people like this, accepting them back only teaches them that the behavior will be tolerated. And most cheaters will always want to works things out -- it's a benefit to them to have and secure familiarity (you and me) while they have a go at what's out there. 1
W101 Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 Been in your shoes, people will say forgiveness is the key going forward, and it is, depending on the type of person you are, I've forgiven cheating, I've never forgotten it, I've trusted again, sure, I've loved people all the same in spite of it, the one thing that blew the whole thing sky high was the images in my mind, nothing I tried took that way, if you can toss aside your pride and if you think she's worthy of another shot, go for it, if your like me, and those images will tear away at your very soul, I'd leave the relationship, never talk to her again and talk to your neighbourhood priest of the sins that have been committed in your mind, good luck whichever path you take, it's gonna hurt all the same.
Author questionsforthenouns Posted September 1, 2014 Author Posted September 1, 2014 I hear you all, I know you guys are right, and I knew those would be the responses that I would get. But goddamn it is just so hard. Probably the most difficult situation I've ever been in. Because the girl I love wants to repair things. Wants to get back to where we were. But she also ****ing ruined this relationship. And I feel like I want to keep her so I can have her to myself. But she's a cheat. I'm so torn up about this crap
Nathaniel Hawk Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 (edited) She did it twice so it wasn't a mistake and she didn't respect you at all. If you feel you can repair the trust, you can give her a second chance. Personally, I wouldn't. Life is too short, rebuilding that would take such a long time (without even knowing if it would work in the long run) and there are so many amazing people out there. Edited September 1, 2014 by Nathaniel Hawk
Simon Phoenix Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 I hear you all, I know you guys are right, and I knew those would be the responses that I would get. But goddamn it is just so hard. Probably the most difficult situation I've ever been in. Because the girl I love wants to repair things. Wants to get back to where we were. But she also ****ing ruined this relationship. And I feel like I want to keep her so I can have her to myself. But she's a cheat. I'm so torn up about this crap She doesn't want to repair things. She just wants to get you back to the status quo so she can do whatever she pleases. Personally, if someone cheats on me once they're gone, no exceptions, because that's a shocking amount of disloyalty and shows a completely lack of respect and regard for you and your feelings. That being said, even if you don't share that philosophy, this isn't an isolated incident. She's done it twice. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, fool me three times ... well, you get the point. You are basically this woman's doormat at this point and if you do take her back, she's going to do it again. There's no reason for her not to -- she can get away with whatever she wants because you don't have the backbone to stand up for yourself in that situation.
lolablue17 Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 About her "so called cheating". I think That's not really an issue in this case. True... she kissed the 2 guys "before" you were technically broken up, but in her mind she was already done with you. So, yes... perhaps she should have told you sooner, but it's really a none issue. What if she had told you 1-2 days sooner? So then didn't you have a headache and a heartache? Of course you would have felt the same frustration. So she is not a cheater in my eyes. The big question about "taking her back or not" - I don't know. . If you think you both can be happy again, so why not? true, It's a gamble, but every relationship is a gamble.
Chi townD Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 I doubt it was just "a kiss". Cheaters will only admit to the bare minimum to make it seem not as bad as what truly happened. 1
JunkYardDog Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 Once a cheat, once a liar, once a boundary of trust has been broken, there is no if only is. If you love and truly care for someone the last thing on your mind is cheating or hurting them in anyway. Call the spade a spade, put it back into the deck and draw again. Zero tolerance for cheaters, liars and thieves of the soul. I'm not saying it's easy just that mud only hides stripes until the next rainfall.
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