W101 Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 Hi LS. Brief back story on my situation: me and girlfriend found out 5 years into our 6 year relationship that we are half brother and sister, this put a lot of stress on our otherwise healthy and happy relationship, for the last 2 weeks I've been staying with a friend, she initiated a break for us to gain some perspective, until tonight, i hadn't heard from her. She called tonight and in so many words said "I'm sorry that I have to do this, after finding out about everything, we can't go back to how we was, life would be too difficult for the both of us, I'll look back and cherish our time together, nobody could ever make me as happy and fulfilled as you do, I'm sorry this had to happen to us". Naturally I feel broken up about all this, it's the worst emotional pain imaginable, I can also respect how hard this decision was to make on her part, even if I had felt that way, I don't think I could ever bring myself to say it, I feel she's had a lot of influence from her family in this decision, my gut feeling right now is to distance myself from her as appose to crying, begging etc, I can only hope she might one day change her mind, but I won't do anything in the meantime to influence that decision, it has to be completely her decision. As bad as I feel now, I think I felt a lot worse before when I didn't know where I stood, I wanted to be with her, no matter how hard it may prove to be in the future, unfortunately, I can't change how she thinks or feels. Am I doing the right thing?, once I go no contact, I live a different life and accept what I'm leaving behind, am I right to do that in this situation?.
NC-Thomas Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 Yes you are right in your decision. Because: 1. there is nothing you can do to change a persons feelings 2. try to convince her otherwise will only push her away So: don't make her your priority while she (might only) consider you an option. The best way, but also the very hardest one, is to lead your life without her and move on. She will notice you cut off all comm. lines and might become desperate (might!). She has to come back on her own terms, but don't have any hopes for it (it will hold you back in healing bigtime!). I wish you strength in these times. From my experience breaking up is one of the worst feelings (probably the worst) I have ever felt. But there is hope on the horizon, I can say that I am really starting to feel better now, after half a year. Time will tell and heal!
mightycpa Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 Yes, you are doing the right thing. You fell in love with someone and she fell in love with you and this news must be devastating. But if there was ever a good reason to break up, this is it. When you can't be with the one you love, it is always easier not to have them around. Do it for her too. Remember that she is hurting too, but she recognizes how wrong it is. Make it easy on her too.
Author W101 Posted September 1, 2014 Author Posted September 1, 2014 Thanks for the reply Thomas, she's been throwing out bread crumbs since that conversation, it's been a long time since I've had a break up, but I know better than to reach out my hand for stuff like that, your absolutely right about not making her a priority in my life, I'll always hope like anyone does that she'll come back, but it's not something I'm counting on, apart from the odd case here and there, when a woman says it's over, you can bet she's written it on a stone plaque and hung it over the fire place, I hope your recovery continues to go well my friend, you'll get there, I had to be happy with myself and get to a point where I felt I didn't need relationships to fully snap myself out of it with my last ex, I got there in the end, kind of hard trying to figure out how to get there again. Thanks mighty cpa, the news certainly rocked the boat, I think the idea itself of us being related doesn't bother us, we went 5 years being none the wiser, it's not even what society thinks that bothers us, we don't really see eachother that way, I personally think it's all about the lawful side of it that's put us in this situation, your right though, I know she's hurting just as much as I am, if not more, for being the one to pull the trigger, I don't blame her or think bad of her or anything like that, for me personally, as far as my own feelings are concerned, will stay no contact to help me get a grip on myself and start the rebuilding process for my life, I wouldn't hesitate to help her should she find herself in a really tight spot though.
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