tim_tom Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 (edited) Ex broke up with me about a month ago, after a very intensely deep 18 month relationship. We didn't go NC as I was responding to her breadcrumbs that were coming ever other day or so. about 2 weeks later we hang out as friends. She's annoyed but happy I've been making positive changes in my life, one thing lead to another and we hook up. Afterwards we go out to dinner, and are mildly affectionate. She is surprised to hear that I am not going to chase her around because of this and that no in fact I wouldn't come running back if she wanted to get back, I told her i can't trust her like i used to so we'd need to build trust, in the mean time it'd be great if we could date from time to time and do the FWB thing. In retrospect, I think one of my main goals of FWB was to know she wasn't with anyone else Anyway, dinner ends, we hug good bye and about 2 hrs later my phone starts blowing up. After the 5th attempted contact I answer, I wasn't playing games, was just out. I stopped what I was doing and talked to her for 20 minutes and she was crying and beside herself about where her life is at and that she is losing her best friend. I slip comfortable back into the supportive nice guy role and reassure her. We get off the phone and she tells me she'll text me tomorrow. One mistake, i told her I loved her at the end of call and she wouldn't say it back (she says she'll always love me instead) I feel good about this and feel like at the very least we'll keep our bond and maybe really talk about our issues leading to a possible second chance if we get through a rather significant issue (i have an ex and kids, she can't deal with the ex.. like at all) That was like 10 days ago, and I haven't heard anything since. I haven't contacted her either, and am only mildly tempted to reach out. Don't get me wrong, I think about her every minute of every day, and sway between being fine and being on the verge of a panic attack. Mostly though, what I analyze a lot is wtf is going on? Did she realize she can't do this and is NC me in an effort to move on? Is she with someone else? Is she being stubborn and waiting for me to call? At this point enough time has passed that I don't think I want to hear or see her again, I don't think I could deal with the idea of another man. But boy do I miss her. I was out the other night with my buddy and we end up hanging out with 2 girls at their apartment, and I was instantly uncomfortable and miserable (felt like i was cheating). I am over 40, been married for 7 years and can honestly say I've never had as deep of feelings for anyone in my life. Nor has any BU (or divorce) been anywhere near this hard. So anyway, any thoughts on why a dumper would go from regular contact to a hook up, to NC afterwards? Edited September 1, 2014 by tim_tom
ThorntonMelon Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 First of all, she's not "a dumper", she's your ex, and you want to know why she's not talking to you. And that's because she wants you on the hook. She knows she has this. She will likely call in the next few weeks. If you refuse to talk to her, she might call a few days later. If you answer, she wants you to say you still love her. Wash, rinse, repeat. How about treating her like an ex, stop trying to read her mind, tell her you're not going to be friends, it's either you're together or nothing, and then live your life. Your kids deserve a dad who only dates people who respect them.
Author tim_tom Posted September 1, 2014 Author Posted September 1, 2014 First of all, she's not "a dumper", she's your ex, and you want to know why she's not talking to you. And that's because she wants you on the hook. She knows she has this. She will likely call in the next few weeks. If you refuse to talk to her, she might call a few days later. If you answer, she wants you to say you still love her. Wash, rinse, repeat. How about treating her like an ex, stop trying to read her mind, tell her you're not going to be friends, it's either you're together or nothing, and then live your life. Your kids deserve a dad who only dates people who respect them. Haha.. Thanks for the response! Just to clarify, I only called her the dumper to be clear on who was who in the question at the end. re: the bolded. Are you saying because she despised my ex wife so much that it was disrespectful to kids (not that i disagree, cause that is what lead to the breakup), but i want to make sure that's what you are saying
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