aprilisi Posted August 31, 2014 Posted August 31, 2014 I amm 37, he is 20. We've been on several dates over several weeks. I was hesitant to call it dating because of the age diff. We had the talk fri night, we are ecllusively dating now. He is more mature than any man I've dated. Ever the 45 year old. He has a full time job as a sortware developer, is going to college and still has time for me. I guess it's true that if a man likes yyou he will find the time to see you, no matter how busy it is. We have phone calls *gasp* and rarely text. And he's a giant nerd, like me. The problem? My family hates it. The same family that just celebrated my 21 year old cousin's marriage to a 42 year old man. The 42 year old is a great man and we all love him, but they just don't see the irony here. I brought it to their attention today at a family get together and all that was said was that my relationship was different. I asked how is it different? They said he need time to mature. So, I should wait a year until he's 21, the same age as my married cousin? Nothing was said to that, the subject was changed. How do I help my family get past this?
deathandtaxes Posted August 31, 2014 Posted August 31, 2014 Just ignore what your family thinks. One of the prerogatives and hallmarks of being an adult. If they keep saying things, ignore them or tell them it's your life and kindly keep their opinions to themselves. 1
preraph Posted August 31, 2014 Posted August 31, 2014 I agree with the above. However, I also see problems on the horizon once it's time for him to bring you into his family. That's when I foresee the real problems starting if they see that he's thinking about staying with you.
Justletgo Posted August 31, 2014 Posted August 31, 2014 Ignore the family, they just think it's wrong because it's socially 'weird' for a woman to date a younger guy. But in fact it's hypocritical really considering what you said about your cousin marring an older guy and all. Just keep in mind that if you want children with him (I know this is thinking really long-term) perhaps he might not want that at his age yet. Finally if you are both happy with each other and your family really love you they should be smart enough to see that right?
Author aprilisi Posted August 31, 2014 Author Posted August 31, 2014 Every person in his family I've met has been great and his mom seemed thrilled, she was 15 years older than his dad when they got together. She said he's allways liked older women. But I know its still early He had a non cancerous piturioty, or however you spell it, tumor removed a few years ago. He was told it can cause fertility issues. Although there's still a chance I'm sure. But it's too early to think about that.
Gloria25 Posted August 31, 2014 Posted August 31, 2014 And your family is right... I mean, you're 37, and I'm sure you know better than this... I don't care what job he has, he doesn't have the life experience you have. I'm late 30's and while even in my teens I considered myself more mature than my peers (I was goal oriented, always studying, working, managing bills, not getting preggo, staying away from drugs/alcohol, making sound decisions)...I can still look back and see that I was still a 20 yr old, and I am definitely MORE matured, experienced, etc than I was in my 20s and would not wish to go back to that level of immaturity/lack of worldly experience. If you want someone to have fun with, while not something I'm a fan of, to each their own, but for you to seriously look at this kid as someone you have a future with is kinda delusional to me. 1
Neith Posted August 31, 2014 Posted August 31, 2014 And your family is right... I mean, you're 37, and I'm sure you know better than this... I don't care what job he has, he doesn't have the life experience you have. I'm late 30's and while even in my teens I considered myself more mature than my peers (I was goal oriented, always studying, working, managing bills, not getting preggo, staying away from drugs/alcohol, making sound decisions)...I can still look back and see that I was still a 20 yr old, and I am definitely MORE matured, experienced, etc than I was in my 20s and would not wish to go back to that level of immaturity/lack of worldly experience. If you want someone to have fun with, while not something I'm a fan of, to each their own, but for you to seriously look at this kid as someone you have a future with is kinda delusional to me. The bold part makes my blood boil. If you think life experience comes only with age, then you're quite wrong. You have absolutely NO idea what this guy has & hasn't been through in his life. The challenges he's overcome... his upbringing... the people he knows....the loss he has suffered... it ALL defines who/how we are. Life experiences don't always happen within a long period of time. I think for you to waltz along & judge the situation purely on his age is really narrowminded! 1
FitChick Posted August 31, 2014 Posted August 31, 2014 If you let your family dictate who you should date at age 37, you have bigger problems. 1
bubbaganoosh Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 What do you have in common with him? Now I'm not knocking you or him but 17 years difference is a lot and it doesn't matter if the man or woman is older but you could be old enough to be his mother. IMO, this could only end up in the dumper. I've seen this first hand before and sooner or later it's always the younger one who wants to go off and find someone their own age and we all get older and there isn't thing one we can do about it.
Author aprilisi Posted September 1, 2014 Author Posted September 1, 2014 Believe me, I have tortured myself thinking about all this. Have known him quite a while. The biggest thing we have in common? Well, we're both nerds. When he mentioned his love of the movie "the room" I was shocked. We have similar senses of humor. He gets me, laughing with me when my friend would just roll their eyes. We've been to several small concerts and jam sessions. Sometimes he'll bring his guitar and join in at the jam sessions. He can play "the weight" by the band on said guitar. One of my favorite songs. He sings it too, although he's not a good singer lol Had to cancel a date because of my endometriosis and he came over with "plan 9 from outer space" and chocolate. He likes cats. And my cats don't run from the room when he's over, like they do with most people. He fixed my laptop. There's other little things. I have gone over this so many times in my head. Always coming back to the age thing.
mightycpa Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 I can't imagine his family is overjoyed either. 1
HappyLove Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 You've found someone you REALLY like why would you let your family dictate your life? As if the 40 year olds out here are so great?! Enjoy it for what it is and have a blast!
mightycpa Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 If you think life experience comes only with age, then you're quite wrong The converse is also true. If you think that all experience can come at a young age, then you must be either young, or inexperienced or both. I know a young girl who has been to far too many funerals for her age, and has had more than her share of unfortunate circumstance. Certainly more than me. Despite this, she is still inexperienced in many, many ways. There are things that this 37 year old knows that only 37 years on the planet can teach. She still has more to learn to, each and every year she's alive. There is no way that she and he are equals. No way.
thefooloftheyear Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 (edited) If you let your family dictate who you should date at age 37, you have bigger problems. Some people dont have family or are estranged from them and therefore dont care....Others have family that is tight knit and its important to them how they are viewed by members of their family. Nothing at all unusual or abnormal I dont see where they are dictating anything...just voicing disapproval...As a youthful looking guy in my 40's you can bet your life I would be ripped to shreds by my family of I showed up with a girl that looks like she is going to the senior prom...and it would matter to me what they thought as my family is very important to me.. I deal with guys in their 20's all day long...They make up the majority of my crew...I have NEVER met a 20 year old kid that would have anything really solid to build a foundation on with a normal and healthy 37 year old woman.... If she is just out to get laid or have some fun with a younger guy, great..but thats not what she is saying and I dont see this lasting long, IMO.... TFY Edited September 1, 2014 by thefooloftheyear
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