Awkward girl and mixed signals.

[Jaffa Cake]

Hey there. So I met a girl half a year ago and in the last 3 months or so we've been meeting up on the weekends, at first we would check whether we were both going out to the same clubs and then eventually I ask if she wants to meet up, just the two of us, she agrees. I won't use the word date since I never specified it that way, she's very shy, awkward and avoids emotions, she's very introverted and seems insecure. We message everyday and when we do meet up we have a good time but I don't understand how to deal with some of her actions. A few examples. She came round to mine to have a drink, everything was going fine, she makes the first move on me, things heat up, we roll onto the bed and after a few minutes she suddenly stops what we're doing, I ask what's wrong and she say's 'Nothing it's fine, you haven't done anything wrong'. I'm perfectly fine with this and say so. We'd slept with each other the week before. We end up making out for most the night and getting very cuddly with each other. Later in the night she gets quite drunk and randomly decides she's going home, no warning at all, I convince her to stay since it's very late and she lives ages away. We both wake up really early and stay in bed cuddling till early evening, talking and watching films. She leaves and texts within an hour to let me know she's feeling better after eating. We've had a few nights out and after a few drinks she becomes really distant and just blanks me, wandering off alone, even if an hour or so earlier we had been flirting and fooling around. We'd been on a night out and she kept avoiding me, her friend didn't understand why she was acting odd and made her come back over to us. I manage to get her attention at the end of the night, I literally had to grab her shoulders and ask what's wrong, she kept avoiding eye contact and then told me I had been a dick, I ask if she wants me to just go, she says yeah, I'm completely taken off guard, I hadn't done anything, then out of nowhere she makes a move to kiss me, I lean out the way and tell her I'm trying to make sure she's okay and that I don't understand what's happening between us, she shrugs me off and walks away. I had told her before meeting up that I'd like to take things down a notch so she feels less overwhelmed. Last time we met she was meant to be staying at mine to avoid travel costs, she ends up blanking me toward the end of the night and walks home, at least a 2 hour walk. She kept turning her back on me when I tried to talk to her during the night. After she text saying she was walking home I called her and she answered her phone, if she'd been blanking me in person then I didn't see why she would pick up the phone? Is she just trying to avoid forming a relationship? She has told me in the past she doesn't know what she wants. On a night out before we started meeting up, I had been flirting with a friend and she came over and passive aggressively bumped into my friend, then text me asking why was I ignoring her. It all seemed to go down hill after I had told her how much I liked her after the first few meet ups but she would still text me and come round to mine knowing how I felt. We had a more serious talk recently about things and she told me She doesn't do commitments, or boys and doesn't get close to people. She doesn't want me waiting for something that's not going to happen. Now I have no idea how to deal with the situation. All my friends want me to completely cut her off but I'm not willing to since we get on really well, I'm not willing to end a friendship over wanting too much.

 

Okay that's a lot to read. Thanks for taking the time to read it and reply

[Gloria25]

Ok, well what do you want? To get laid? To date her?

 

IMO, looks like she is using you as her emotional tampon...

 

I understand what it is like to not get close to people, but I don't believe in yanking people around and using them (even if its emotional use) to serve "my" needs....

 

A relationship is about giving, and, the other person in return gives back. When both parties' goal is to give, how can you beat that? Cuz each of you are constantly thinking about making each other happy.

 

This is not the case in your case, cuz she is getting her emotional needs (the closeness of a male) without giving anything in return.

 

So, if you're happy with being her life-size cuddle toy with a pulse, then by all means let her use you.

[SidneyS]

Is she just trying to avoid forming a relationship?

 

obviously you already are in a relationship, there is no formal act associated to it (despite being in middle school and writing letters). And as Gloria pointed out this relationship doesn't seem to be all that healthy you. I would suggest a little distance and see how it works out (I guess it won't).

[Jaffa Cake]

I meant she's avoiding being a couple which I can understand since she has priorities and people dependent on her and from what she's shared with me about her past ex's, they haven't been great. I find it very hard to believe she would do anything intentionally bad toward me, she can't deal with people judging her badly, she'd feel terrible. I suppose I don't know how I should react to her ignoring me on nights out, I can never tell whether it's because I'm not giving her the type of attention she expects or she just wants to go do her own thing. Things have cropped up in conversations about relationships and she's made it clear she doesn't agree with seeing multiple people or pretending to be into someone and she knows I see her that way. I mean I can't understand why she would spend the one night a week she's free with me. I reckon this is the lowest point our relationship has reached. We were texting yesterday as usual, today I left it to early evening and she hasn't replied.

 

Would you suggest just keeping in touch but refrain from organising to meet up and if I do see her out then to just say Hey and carry on with my night as usual? I need to show her that she isn't being tied down seeing me.