lifeiscrazy10 Posted August 31, 2014 Posted August 31, 2014 Hi! I need some advice, I have no clue what to do and have never been in this situation. I was dating my gf for a year before we had to break up. She is in her early to mid 20s and I'm late 20s. We both met in a class we were taking. We hit it off instantly. We started dating and fell in love. Unfortunately we both found out we would be going to separate schools, both in awesome places. She broke up with me about 6 months ago because she didn't want it to hurt so bad before we left for school, I agreed. We got back together about 10 days later and decided to just enjoy the time we had. Eventually we decided we wanted a LDR. It was going fine until we took a vacation and I ended up getting frustrated with her from some things she said on the vacation and me actually being kind of nuts(I actually got sick with something that affects one's mood, in a bad way) anyways, I ended it and it became a mutual thing, but we stayed friends and hooked up a couple of times before we left. This was a month ago. We left for school and are very far apart but going through the same thing with school. We text a couple times a week. I poured my heart out to her in my an attempt to get her back but she said it is too much pressure. I understand, but I want her back. Here is my problem, she texts me a lot saying that there are things that remind her of me and she basically stays in contact with me. Do I just stop talking to her? Or do I continue talking to her? We might be able to see each other on breaks but I don't want to be her safety net...any advice?
Author lifeiscrazy10 Posted September 1, 2014 Author Posted September 1, 2014 Any body?? I just dont know what to do, I want to talk to her, but i dont want to be the security blanket, and she is the one reaching out to me...there never really was a time since we broke up that we havent talked, maybe a week in between. Any help would be great.
Ordinaryday Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 it's very common for dumpers to want to remain in vague contact with the dumpee as 'just a friend' because it allows them to completely ease their guilt and wean themself off you gradually and also continue to receive the benefits of a relationship with you (money, emotional support, help, etc) while giving nothing back. you need to be firm. text her once, just once, with "sorry but being just friends with you isnt gonna work for me. please don't contact me unless it is about us getting back together" then ignore everything she sends you unless it is about that. and this isnt being rude or nothing, she dumped you and she is moving on with her life. you have a right to move on with yours too and remaining in contact with her as 'just a friend' will delay that.
Author lifeiscrazy10 Posted September 1, 2014 Author Posted September 1, 2014 Hi! Thank you for the reply! I was thinking of that or staying no contact...and the second break up was me then became a mutual thing, thank you though, any other advice?
Ordinaryday Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 Hi! Thank you for the reply! I was thinking of that or staying no contact...and the second break up was me then became a mutual thing, thank you though, any other advice? pretty much what I said, but you have to be aware of a thing referred to as 'breadcrumbs' on this site. it is where the dumper contacts you with things like "hi how are you?" "happy birthday" and other meaningless greetings that arent about getting back together. it is cos they are feeling guilty about breaking your heart and even though they DONT WANT YOU BACK they want a message from you letting them know you arent mad at them. this is incredibly selfish of them, as it can set the dumpee back. just tell her upfront that you arent interested in being just friends with you, and if she respects you as a person she will respect that and leave you alone. if she keeps texting you or hassling you after being told that you cant be just friends with her, well that just demonstrates she doesnt respect you as a person, and who wants someone like that in your life?
Author lifeiscrazy10 Posted September 1, 2014 Author Posted September 1, 2014 Thank you ordinaryday, I think I will do that in a few days, just let it be for a while
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