joining the club

[morrowrd]

Alright my friends, After a year posting advice here about dating, and talking about my own success, I have joined the damn club. My girlfriend has decided to leave, and while I know it takes two, a lot of this has to do with depression issues. In the last two years, there has been one thing right after another with her and her family, and extended family. She is very close to her grandparents, and her grandmother was diagnosed with cancer, which they assumed was the result of a melanoma that was removed, but maybe they didn’t get it all. Anyway, it spread throughout her body, and my girlfriend traveled to Tennesee, 13 hours away, for two months to help with the care. She came back for Christmas and then returned for another month. Her young children started acting out, that caused a lot of stress on me because I didn’t know what to do when they weren’t doing what they were supposed to do, their was a lot of fighting between them, defiance, and it was tough on my adult son who lives with me, and on myself. Of course with the grandmother eventually dying, there was all that grief to walk her through. Just prior to all this, she lost her job, and started getting a lot of health issues, and with that, a cocktail of meds that usually I don’t see with someone in their early thirties. She spends all her time watching TV, coming to bed after midnight, and her only activity is her children’s sports program. She started ignoring me, and it was now just her and the kids, and then there was me feeling like an outsider. My mom gave me my childhood home last year, it’s much bigger than my own home, so I left my 20 year old son in charge of that place, and moved the 10 miles to town, to live in this very nice 4 bedroom house. All the kids had their own rooms, there was so much space, I thought she would finally snap out of it and enjoy life.

To make this long story short, I confronted her a week ago about our cold relationship, I had to confront because every time I tried to open the subject, she would stop talking and start doing other things. She went away to North Carolina two weeks ago for a wedding, just her and the children, and wouldn’t text, call, or communicate. That’s where the first confrontation came into play, two days after she came home. And she said, she needed to deal with herself and needed to do it alone. I cautioned her to think and make sure, because I wasn’t going to go back and forth if she did change her mind, (like last year right after the first hit’s came in.) After changing her mind, she became ten times colder towards me. And….after a week of that treatment, I spoke to her again and that’s when she said, we need to end things.

 

Yes, theres a big age difference, 15 years, but she isn’t a teenage, so it’s not about maturity. Shes in the prime of her life and there are several current crisises going on now as we speak. I have come to terms that it’s over, she mentioned that her father predicted we’d be back together in two months (he said that last year as well) and I told her, “no we won’t”.

 

I have now decided it’s a good time to learn to be by myself. I will miss her, but I won’t miss the family problems, that seemed to go non-stop, and just work, come home, and do what I want without having to consider supporting someone elses wants or needs. At least for awhile. It will be a good opportunity for growth. Maybe that’s just what I need. Two girls from facebook noticed my new status and immediately contacted me. One of the two I knew I wouldn’t mind doing things with, like going out to eat, maybe some day hikes, fun stuff. Nobody is moving in with me though. I think I need my quiet time.