My Breakup story.

[donalex]

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum but reading through many posts has helped me alot with my current circumstances.

So anyway, me and my ex-gf met in my last year of high school, her first. We were together until this summer when she had finished high school. I could feel something was different in both of us.

We had been looking forward to her finishing high school for a long time. When i had left high school 2 years ago and started working i had decided to leave her, for reasons i don't really understand myself, but a month later i realized it was a huge mistake and we got back together, because she still loved me and so did i. After that we had another wonderful year together, because i was determined i could make it work. Fast forward a year to this summer, she finishes high school, gets a place in a university very close to home. We were both exited about that, because it meant she wouldn't have to leave the country to study which would put a lot of strain on our relationship, because we very rarely spent a day apart. So over the summer she started hanging out with a new girl they became best friends, even though she had stated she couldn't stand this girl. The only time i would ever see my ex is when she would be hanging out with her new friend, very rarely would we spend time alone. So one day we go to a beach party, of course her new friend came as well, during the course of that evening i had a lot to drink and they smoked a lot of pot, and i noticed she was being maybe a little too friendly with the person who was supplying the pot (someone she had met that evening) i made small comments to her that i wasn't comfortable with this, but she seemed to take no notice. She has always been a bit of a tomboy and friends with men and that was never a problem. So anyway at one point i had enough of this over-friendliness and get incredibly pissed off, i go over to her and tell her we are leaving, and on the ride home i shouted at her like i never have before, due to jealousy, being slightly drunk. I'm not sure. As soon as we got home i told her we'll speak again in 4 days when we've both calmed down. she messages me the next morning, i don't answer. After 3 days i call her. She i still incredibly angry and hurt by the things i had said to her. She tells me she doesn't want to talk. I beg her to see me so we can talk, eventually she agrees. We sit in my car and talk about everything that had happened, about that night. And she finally comes to the decision that she wants to break-up. At that moment i thought it would be just like all the other little fights and over night breakups. It wasn't until she left my car and i was alone that i realized it was over. I called her and started crying and begging for her to think about it again.. Nothing. Eventually she turns her phone off. I go and get drunk and eventually pass out. I call her again the next day, to see how she is and what she is thinking. She changes her mind from complete breakup to she needs time. I believe her and try to give her time. I don't contact her at all. as difficult as it is. On the weekend i go fishing with her brother (me and him are close) and we speak about the whole situation and he says himself that his sister has changed lately. She has no respect towards her family and is rarely home. That evening i was going out to see some friends, so when i dropped him off home and he asked what i was doing later i told him. As i'm driving i get a message from her telling me that whatever had happened she wanted me to know that she loved me, i answered shortly with "I Know". She said goodnight , but then messaged me later saying not to attend a party we were both going to attend because it would be weird. I said i wanted to go and we'd just go as friends. She says she will see. We both attend the party, she doesn't say a word to me, she sits and hangs out with her new friend. At one point when she was alone i went over and said that when she could to come over and talk, she said ok. I had gone out of the party to see other friends and when i returned she was sat where i had been sat before. After a while i beckon to her to come closer to me, we start talking, i started with small talk about work etc. And she asked me at one point if i knew why we had broken up, i told her due to the fight we had at the beach party, she agreed. Before i left i asked for a kiss and she gave it to me. Back to NC again, and during the week she messages me saying it was time we met up and spoke, i agree. A few days later we meet at a mutual friends house and sit alone and start talking, she breaks down and starts crying telling me we couldn't be together anymore because she didn't know what she wanted, she didn't feel a spark anymore, i sit next to her and comfort her, and talk and tell her she just needs time to figure stuff out. And everything will be ok, we start kissing but we don't have sex, she pulls back. After more talking i tell her i had started talking with another girl, just friendly for something to kinda help fill the void since she broke up with me. She is shocked and hurt, but we continue talking and then she leaves and i am still stuck with no answer from her. That evening she messages me asking me for the facebook of this new girl, i wouldn't give it to her because it was none of her business who i was talking with. She got paranoid about the whole thing and deleted me from facebook. I called her to ask why and she said so i don't get the urge to message you. I tell her we need to meet up to talk more and make some sense of this. I go over to her place, we sit and talk for hours, she tells me how jealous she is about me talking with someone else, and that i didn't wait for her during this "break" we were taking. Eventually we start talking more about random stuff and we go and lie down on her bed, where its cooler in the evenings, we were close and talking like we did when we were still together, we would kiss and hug and she gave me a lot of hope. But just before i left she became sad again. And asked me why after we had broken up did i go and buy new clothes and start taking care of myself and why was i talking with someone new and why had i suddenly become outgoing? She asked why wasn't i like that when we were together, why did i rarely take her out, even for a walk or for an ice cream or anything, i told her for a long time i was stuck in a place where i was taking her for granted, but the time we had taken apart had helped me with that and realizing i couldn't take her for granted. I said i was trying to fix myself to be better for her and that i could be a good boyfriend. But she said she wanted to live her life with someone new. That hit me hard, i felt like i failed in the relationship because i didn't try hard enough. We would just sit at home like a married couple when we were together and watch TV. Because i was very strapped for money when we were together, i couldn't constantly take her out. But i could have at least taken her out once a month! Anyway that evening ends and she yet again says she just needs time to figure stuff out and kisses me and hugs me goodnight and i leave. We send messages on facebook that evening after she adds me again, but she keeps asking about this new girl i was talking to and wanting to see her. And she is really rude to me about it all, telling me to leave her alone 100% and be with this new girl. I tell her i don't want to do that, the only reason i had been talking with the new girl is because she left me. She keeps making me feel bad and basically puts me 10 steps backwards in any healing process i was trying to do. I eventually fall asleep, and the next day at work i see on facebook that some guy had tagged her in a silly quote picture on her wall. And she sent me a message telling me this guy had asked for her number and she gave it to him, and that they used to take maths lessons together and thats where she knew him from. And that she wanted to go out with this guy to see if this was what was missing from her life, if she would feel happy with someone else. Again i told her that this was hurting me and that i didn't want to loose her, she kept telling me she loves me and always will and that she isn't looking for a relationship or anything at this time with this new guy, they are just talking (bull****). So i decide thats it, as soon as we stop messaging i tell myself it is over, i can't be a fool anymore, i removed and blocked her from facebook got rid of her number and everything, i went to her house whilst she was out and asked her brother to give me all my stuff from her bedroom, he did, i took it and left. I haven't spoken to her in a week. I was told by friends that she had added a photo on facebook with this new guy, where they are together on her bed, just like we did when we were together. And i'm just trying to slowly fix myself and accept that it is over.

 

I kinda just wanted to vent on here, but i would really like some advice if there is any.

I miss her everyday, because we were so close. But thats it. I definitely love her and always will.

She was my first serious relationship and i was hers, i took her virginity etc.

Its just hard getting over this seeing as its the first time