Where I stand since 6 months from the break up

[Koans]

Long story short.

 

My story fits the, "grass is greener" description. Out of the blue dump. Rebound that lasted 5months. Her coming back in some sort of fashion tryna friend zone me.

 

So I was still in love, and perhaps I still can be but not like before. So when she did try to add me after beating myself up to her after post break up. She thought she can just add me on social media and friend me. So I emailed her an attack email. "This is your idea of reconnecting!". Said every evil shziit I kept bottled inside to her. We went back and forth and eventually calmed down to the point of calming down and talking on the phone for an hour and a 1/2 on some catching up buzhiit and the possibility of reconciling (but she was still with her rebound so I didnt see the possibility of true recon). She was wishy washy about it with her actions. So as she went silent, 2 weeks later I reached about still being there for her in some sort of fashion. She thanked me. Then she confessed about how she broke up with her bf. It hit me of why she even resurfaced. So she msged me of how she was willing to tell me the reason for the fall out with the rebound. But I told myself, "hold up, you aint her male girlfriend". So I msged her back the realest szhhhiiittt I ever wrote.

 

I told her that I wont be their for her anymore in any way since she is the one who kicked me out her life. I told her Im still in love with her but I will not be her friend. I told her that her belief of the break up is on some bias bullshzit. And that it truly is the fault of her not being emotionally open and communicative. Which caused her to hit her breaking point. Which translated weeks later to me that she was emotionally lying to me by not being open and honest. And I told her instead of replying back to me immediately, but rather think over what happened of why we broke up after 3 years. This is coming from a gurl who told me to not look too deep into it. And I told her with no detail of how much pain she brought on me. And that when she is serious in reconciliation. That she must only call me and not this passive social media adding bs. Its been close to a month of no response.

 

Unimportant petty shzzit = She still has me subscribed on youtube and I see her look at all my snap chat videos (public). Even though I dont have her added as a friend.

 

Luckily for me, I survived and I dont ever take back this break up. Im glad it happened coz I have grown tremendously spiritually, mentally, and physically.

 

I sometimes catch myself taking a step backwards dwelling. But I dont ever want to lose that pain completely coz thats what is helping drive forward to my future. I know, the irony.

 

But Just kinda curious to see what yall think is her mind state given the lack of details. I should note that she is the type to keep things to herself in terms that, she talks about the person but never to the person. Its her way of not facing conflict. Which in turn, has a factor to our break up. Dont really care for the "move on bro" comments. I mostly haved. Im excited for the next gurl coz of how much i have grown from the break up. But I only dwell on my ex in hopes of her realizing of her mistakes. But I do know that people mature but their nature doesnt change...only until the correct wisdom has bestowed upon them while life is kicking their ass simultaneously.

Edited August 31, 2014 by Koans

[Shields boy]

How long was your realationship with this girl?

 

Some women's hearts can be fickle.

[BDL]

I think he wrote 3 years.

 

Good on you to kick her out of your life. It sucks when these waves of emotion hit you and you sometimes feel you are back at day one. The. You think how you have grown and then you realize it was worth it.