BluEyeL Posted August 31, 2014 Posted August 31, 2014 This is a very silly, irrelevant criteria, if I ever heard one. People should look at character traits, not what the heck music they're listening to.
deathandtaxes Posted August 31, 2014 Posted August 31, 2014 Musical tastes change and evolve over time. I would say you're totally nuts for having that as a dealbreaker. It's very close-minded and you will exclude a lot of potential well-suited mates. 1
Author bluesgirl Posted August 31, 2014 Author Posted August 31, 2014 I will definitely take in everyone's point of view! Thanks for the comments folks! 1
bentleychic Posted August 31, 2014 Posted August 31, 2014 It's not a deal breaker, but we do need to have some type of music in common. No country. Ever. My bf likes country, but he never listens to it around me. Thankfully, he prefers hard rock like I do so easy peasy, we listen to that. Country makes me want to stab people. One of the things I enjoy is concerts so, again, it's important that we have some music interests in common.
WorryGirl Posted August 31, 2014 Posted August 31, 2014 Sharing hobbies and having things in common is a bit of an incentive. Not a deal breaker though. 1
Neith Posted August 31, 2014 Posted August 31, 2014 Okay so a question for all of you who say this is a dealbreaker... What if someone enjoyed the same type of music you do, but had such a broad taste in music, that they ALSO enjoy the stuff you hate? I love loads of artists from all different genres. Whether it just be one song, one particular artist or almost every artist in the genre. 1
Elle1975 Posted August 31, 2014 Posted August 31, 2014 I feel like when you say "it's okay if you like classical, but don't play that when you're with me", then the bf/gf can't be who they really are, not when they're with you. Therefore, I also find it to be a kind of controlling behavior. 1
TheFinalWord Posted August 31, 2014 Posted August 31, 2014 (edited) So I know everyone has their deal breakers when it comes to dating and relationships but I am trying to figure out if mine is just too extreme. If a guy doesn't like the same kind of music as me I am immediately turned off. He could be the most attractive person ever but if I find out he doesn't like the kind of music I do then I am quick to disregard him. I think it's because music is such a big part of my life and I love going to concerts and festivals. Does anyone else have this deal breaker or am I the only one? The problem is the kind of music I listen to a lot of people my age (early 20's) don't listen to it. So it's hard to find a guy who is into the stuff I am. In my previous relationships I never cared too much, but I am starting to realize it's a big deal for me. Anyone else have weird deal breakers? Going by your moniker, I'm guessing you like blues? Not sure who couldn't like the blues, but I have found few women like the kind of music I like (metal, hard rock, etc.), which is primarily guitar-driven music. After some introspection, I found it's really the guitar I like (preferably electric and distorted). Discovering this helped me expand to appreciate other styles of music women may enjoy (except pop country)...if I kept my list only to women that owned a copy of Ride the Lightening, I'd be in trouble. Edited August 31, 2014 by TheFinalWord
Mister Zen Posted August 31, 2014 Posted August 31, 2014 I would say its a rather shallow/silly deal breaker... but at the same time I have the same one about politics. I prefer a woman who has similar political beliefs to mine and if she doesn't, then she needs to be neutral, indifferent or independent. But if she is on the opposite side it makes my stomach hurt. I didn't even realize this about myself until a girl I was dating switched sides and I found myself unable to keep dating her. Its like a team dynamic and you want to feel like the person you're dating is on the same team as you. So I guess the music thing is similar. If a certain thing is a BIG part of your identity.. then it makes sense you would want someone on the same page. For some people its their religion, hobbies, culture, career, etc. 1
thekid36 Posted August 31, 2014 Posted August 31, 2014 So I know everyone has their deal breakers when it comes to dating and relationships but I am trying to figure out if mine is just too extreme. If a guy doesn't like the same kind of music as me I am immediately turned off. He could be the most attractive person ever but if I find out he doesn't like the kind of music I do then I am quick to disregard him. I think it's because music is such a big part of my life and I love going to concerts and festivals. Does anyone else have this deal breaker or am I the only one? The problem is the kind of music I listen to a lot of people my age (early 20's) don't listen to it. So it's hard to find a guy who is into the stuff I am. In my previous relationships I never cared too much, but I am starting to realize it's a big deal for me. Anyone else have weird deal breakers? What kind of music someone likes is not really important within the grand scheme of things. Not when it comes to being with the right person. There are certain things you want to have in common. Such as your goals in life and basic morals. Why does a musical difference all in itself have to be a deal breaker? I think differences should be embraced and that we just might need to be more open. My girlfriend always listens to alternative rock. Something I knew nothing about at all till she came along. It has been fun listening to her music. I have even found some that is to my liking. Never would have known had I not been exposed to it. I honestly think that some people simply expect too much out of a prospective partner. It is great to not sacrifice who we are. No need to find every single thing the same either. 1
WonderKid Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 Not a dealbreaker for me at all. Because I don't stick to 1 genre. And I could learn from her and she could learn from me. Music is music. It doesn't determine the entire personality. If I let go of a girl because she didn't listen to heavy metal, rap, or whatever I listen to, and comes to find out she's actually a terrific person, I'd be slapping myself. Anybody can change. It is not entirely good to have "everything" in common.
newmoon Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 if music is a dealbreaker y'all have a lot of growing up to do. considering what relationships and marriage are about this is a very bizarre dealbreaker to have. life is not about finding someone with matching hobbies and interests but matching values. perhaps potential dates who dislike the music you love will match in every other way. save your dealbreakers for really important issues and not a general interest. 2
Polak Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 Only time it would be a dealbreaker for me is if she loved mainstream junk too much. I can take it here or there, but I never choose it myself. I prefer music with depth, complexity, emotion, etc. not just pop. That being said, I love a vast amount of genres. On the other end of the spectrum, if I happened to find a girl who could rock to the complexity of progressive metal, chill out to trance, appreciate symphonic arrangements, get hype to trap or hiphop, or relax to classical country, I would be in heaven!
Author bluesgirl Posted September 1, 2014 Author Posted September 1, 2014 I agree where some people could think this is a silly deal breaker, I think it's silly as well...but in all reality it's really important to me. I'm not strictly to one genre of music either, but I spend most of my free time going to concerts, watching concert dads, playing guitar, festivals, I mean my whole life revolves around it. There is just no way I could be with someone who doesn't enjoy it. It's interesting reading the comments who thinks this is a deal breaker and who thinks it isn't. I'm not going to completely drop a guy if he has never heard of a band I like, but if he isn't open to listening to it then it won't work. I'm sure everyone here has weird deal breakers as well. Again thanks for the comments!
michellew Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 It's not a deal breaker, but definitely a bummer for me when it happens.
bubbaganoosh Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 I think when you get a little older and you meet a really good man, and find out that he's not into blues or classic rock and you blow him off, it would be like cutting off your nose to spite your face. I love blues, and classic rock and in my younger days dated a girl who loved cowboy music. (early 70's) I found out when she picked me up one day and there is was, Billy Joe Jim Ray Bob red neck singing out of his nose with a twang and if it wasn't bad enough, he yodeled and I thought I was going to throw up but, I didn't judge her on her choice of music but how she treated me. I could have had a good life with her but life isn't fair and her life was cut short by a careless driver. For someone of her quality, I would have even gone to see Billy Joe Jim Ray Bob with her at a concert so don't judge a person with something that trivial because you'll be the one that loses in the long run 3
SensitiveTJ Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 Ya...I'm all about the music too. If a guy was into country music, deal breaker!! I have eclectic taste in music and so does my husband....we do spend time listening to music together so ya nothing wrong with trying to fulfill that expectation. Don't sweat it, music is international, you will meet your match. How do you reconcile having "eclectic taste" in music and then dismissing someone for what they listen to? Isn't that a bit hypocritical? 1
aprilisi Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 Turning away an awesome guy...or gal....because of their music tastes just seems stupid to me. He could be totally hot, great in the sack, rich, great with kids, a generous tipper, an animal lover, active in many charities....etc etec etc. And you would dump him because he likes Nickelback or country music? Just crazy 2
MsSmurf Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 I don't think music has ever been a deal breaker for me because I'm usually the one with weird taste in music. One person either caves or we turn the radio off when in the car lol. I will say that food is a big deal to me. If he..... doesn't eat meat doesn't eat seafood doesn't like spicy food doesn't eat a variety of food from other cultures doesn't like dessert doesn't like trying new restaurants AND cooking sits there picking at his food instead of eating a decent portion ....then its not likely he'll last long lol.
Maleficent Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 Wow...my deal breakers are like racism, misogyny and religion... lol 2
smackie9 Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 (edited) Wait, *please don't kill me*, what's wrong with Nickleback? Can't say I am their fan but I never found them repulsive either. I knew them before they were famous....you never met Chad, I did. Rock star, play guitar drive a car etc....can't get anymore bubble gum than that Edited September 1, 2014 by smackie9
smackie9 Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 How do you reconcile having "eclectic taste" in music and then dismissing someone for what they listen to? Isn't that a bit hypocritical? There are people who listen to your basic, played on the radio music, and there are people like me that listens to and has a hunger for the unheard of, new unsigned, rare, unusual or lost bands. If someone doesn't enjoy music the way I do they don't share my passion. We are not compatible. I never had any problems meeting other people that liked the same music. It is all part of the attraction...and for those that meet someone that is as intense as you are about something....know it's worth the wait. Music is a big part of my personality....I refuse to sacrifice that just to date someone.
newmoon Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 There are people who listen to your basic, played on the radio music, and there are people like me that listens to and has a hunger for the unheard of, new unsigned, rare, unusual or lost bands. If someone doesn't enjoy music the way I do they don't share my passion. We are not compatible. I never had any problems meeting other people that liked the same music. It is all part of the attraction...and for those that meet someone that is as intense as you are about something....know it's worth the wait. Music is a big part of my personality....I refuse to sacrifice that just to date someone. perhaps, then, you should just look for someone who is "passionate about music" and not "passionate about MY musical tastes" because you can easily find the same level of passion/interest in someone who is deep into whatever genre of music they like, but perhaps it won't be the same as yours. you seem very young though by your statements, and perhaps with some age and experience you will see the shift in this desire for something more substantial. it'll hardly matter what music tastes you have in common with someone when you've got kids and a mortgage and bills to pay. 3
Art_Critic Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 When I was single..not a deal breaker for me, I wouldn't want to date my twin, to me dating someone with diverse and different interests means I get to experience something other than what I'm already familiar with.. 3
Toodaloo Posted September 1, 2014 Posted September 1, 2014 Oh blimey... This is clearly where I have gone wrong all my life... I have a Nickleback CD and the courage to listen to it, and sing along! So its a bad thing that the next time I see the chap I want to date it will be at a Wurzels gig...?? Nope - I am being serious and am also thinking of taking a spare pair of knickers to throw at them but can't decide if they would prefer leopard thong or saggy big pants... I digress. Deal breakers for me are unreasonable behaviours such as allowing children/ animals/ parents etc to be brats, being aggressive/ violent to anything human or not with out good cause, financial or emotional abuse. Oh and laziness. I can't stand laziness. An occasional sleep in to mid morning or even mid day is fine but get your backside out of bed before 4pm, get clean and dressed and do something - don't just sit there like a slug... I do have loads of animals and it would grate if they didn't like them... Actually they probably wouldn't see me as I spend the vast majority of my time with a dog or two close by and early mornings/ evenings sorting out all the bits and bobs that go with that so it wouldn't matter. Other than that I am pretty easy going on most things. If I really hate something they enjoy I am happy to send them off with a friend instead so I can have some time doing the things they hate but I love... I don't have to be stuck to them all the time... 2
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