vaecho Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 Let's see, where can I start. I have been dating my bf for about 6 months this time around. We went out a time or two in high school (10 yrs ago) were friends afterwards and then in college, we hung out for a brief time. Anyway, I really care for him and I must say he is the bf that every girl would want. My problem is that I have always known how he likes the Mary Jane and when we were in college, that was the reason why I stopped talking to him, I could not be around people who did that and/or other drugs. I was just learning how to make it through the days without needing them myself. Well, now I am way past my "addiction" so to speak and I am perfectly comfortable being around the scene without being part of the scene. When we decided to start dating this time around, he asked if it bothered me when he smoked and I told him no, just don't ever make me feel pressured into smoking. He's kept his promise. But now it bothers me, I don't like it when he does smoke, even if I am around or not. I feel like he should just give it up. I don't know how I can talk to him about it, I am afraid if I bring it up, he'll walk away and that is the last thing I want to happen. Have any of you been in a relationship where something bothered you and you just let it pass? Doesn't it just eventually eat at you until you explode? Help.. I am at a crossroad, I don't want to lose him, but I don't think I can take the smoking anymore. Thanks for reading this, any comments would help.
iceisles Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 If it's something that will ultimately make you explode, then you have to seriously talk with him about this. I know you don't want to lose him, but if he doesn't change, could you still deal with it? My guess is if he cares about you, he would be willing to make this sacrifice to keep things working. After all, relationships are all about compromise. I understand that this bothers you, and I do feel it's a legitimate concern. Tell him you want him to stop or that you will have to reconsider you stance on this relationship - even if you don't want to.
bluechocolate Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 I feel like he should just give it up. I don't know how I can talk to him about it, I am afraid if I bring it up, he'll walk away and that is the last thing I want to happen. You knew about it from the start so you went in with eyes wide open, and.... ....he asked if it bothered me when he smoked and I told him no, just don't ever make me feel pressured into smoking. He's kept his promise. Don't expect that you can make him change an addiction of years becuase you've now changed your mind about the fact that it doesn't bother you. If you've struggled with this & conquered it yourself in the past then, quite frankly, you should never have gone back to this guy in the first place.
iceisles Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 Originally posted by bluechocolate I feel like he should just give it up. I don't know how I can talk to him about it, I am afraid if I bring it up, he'll walk away and that is the last thing I want to happen. You knew about it from the start so you went in with eyes wide open, and.... ....he asked if it bothered me when he smoked and I told him no, just don't ever make me feel pressured into smoking. He's kept his promise. Don't expect that you can make him change an addiction of years becuase you've now changed your mind about the fact that it doesn't bother you. If you've struggled with this & conquered it yourself in the past then, quite frankly, you should never have gone back to this guy in the first place. I agree with blue. Basically, anytime you believe the fate of a relationship depends on something you want the other person to change, it's not good. This is because you usually can't change people, and few will make drastic adjustments just to appease someone else.
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 I must be out of the loop. What is the Mary Jane? I thought you were talking about another girl. Oh wait...is that ...? I know now! lolol
laRubiaBonita Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 here read this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t28244/
Hund1976 Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 This is a tough one. It depends how much he likes the whacky tobacky. If you make him choose he might not choose you. So you need to decide what's most important to you.
Author vaecho Posted March 3, 2005 Author Posted March 3, 2005 Thanks guys for the response. Especially laRubiaBonita, that thread really gave me alot to think about. I will keep you guys posted.
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