wdickgit Posted August 30, 2014 Posted August 30, 2014 My boyfriend of a little over a year ended things a couple of days ago in the strangest way and I do not know what to make of it. We had been together all throughout my last year of college doing long distance and I was sure he was the one. He was so serious about me and always talking about our future together. I could not have been with someone more perfect for me. Everything was perfectly fine minus fights here and there, but that is normal relationship stuff. I had basically been living at his apartment with him and everything was perfect we had plans to go out and do things this weekend and suddenly…boom. Thursday morning and afternoon he was acting strange and I kept asking him what was wrong, but he refused to tell me. Finally, he came up to me and started to hug me and started crying hysterically. He cried for a good thirty minutes and would not talk to me. I asked if he was upset about something that had to do with our relationship and he said no. A little while later he looked up at me and started crying harder and said that he did not want to hurt me but he was just unsure about everything and did not know what to do. I told him how badly I wanted to be with him and he said we could be together if that’s what I wanted, but I realized how bad of an idea that was. I started to pack away my things and he asked me not to and asked if we could talk. I sat down next to him but all he could do was cry. I asked if he did not want to be with me anymore, but he wouldn’t answer the question, he just continued to cry and try to hug me. I was so livid that he refused to give me an answer so I started getting my stuff together again and taking it out to my car. He told me how sorry he was, that I never did anything wrong, and how much he would always care for me. I just do not get why he wouldn’t tell me it was over. He seemed so confused, and so am I. I ended up texting him earlier this morning to ask if we could meet up and talk because I was confused by how things were left and no reply? I am so unbelievably confused… do you think that this is just a phase for him and it could be talked out? Or is he done?
bentleychic Posted August 30, 2014 Posted August 30, 2014 Not to put doubt in your head, but is it possible at all that he's been involved with someone else? His reaction seems to be one of guilt. 2
Author wdickgit Posted August 30, 2014 Author Posted August 30, 2014 I guess anything is possible but I really don't see it. He worked graveyard and literally spent all his free time with me. Was never on his phone, would always leave his phone around so he wasn't doing anything sketchy on it.
writergal Posted August 30, 2014 Posted August 30, 2014 ^^ I was going to suggest the same thing: guilt. Since most of your relationship was long distance, there's a chance he met someone else and the guilt finally got to him once you moved in to his apartment, so he caved and broke up with you choosing her instead. If there even is a "her." It's also very telling the way he refused to answer you, when you asked him in person whether or not he wanted to be with you. He wouldn't have hesitated a second to answer that question if he was sure he wanted to be in a relationship with you. And his refusal to answer your text request to meet in person so you could be clear as to why he dumped you (a totally reasonable request by the way), is also a red flag that he's trying to avoid feeling like a heel for rejecting you. Men will do anything to avoid taking responsibility for their actions when it comes to rejecting a woman because they don't want to have to feel guilty or bad about their decision. It's easier to blame the other person. They think avoiding the issue will resolve it. If I don't deal with it, it will go away, they think. Um no. Grown ups deal with their problems. He needs to come clean and tell you why it's over. Is there another woman? Or if not, what is the problem? He owes you an explanation.
HappyLove Posted August 30, 2014 Posted August 30, 2014 Yes, he's very GUILTY about something. Has he ever shown any other signs of being a drama queen? Some news was heading your way that you'll be furious about I bet. I'm sure you'll find out sooner or later. Sorry he didn't have the decency to give you the closure you deserve. Best to move on from this I mean do you really want a future with a guy who can just up and drop your relationship like that out of nowhere?!
Author wdickgit Posted August 30, 2014 Author Posted August 30, 2014 Haha, no. I know I need to move on but he was so perfect for me I just don't understand. I want him back so badly is there no hope?
Survivor12 Posted August 30, 2014 Posted August 30, 2014 Haha, no. I know I need to move on but he was so perfect for me I just don't understand. I want him back so badly is there no hope? It is possible that he hasn't figured it out for himself--in which case, you wouldn't know & it certainly wouldn't be funny. My brother is gay & I have a lot of gay friends, many who dated & had sex with women until they realized that something just wasn't right. Some were in their teens; others much older. Some were confused by their feelings; a couple of them spent years in denial-one was married. Perhaps your ex is straight, but based on your OP, being gay or bi-sexual is not out of the realm of possibility.
Author wdickgit Posted September 2, 2014 Author Posted September 2, 2014 That's true... I just found out his phone has not even been on since he broke up with me and that was four days ago. I am wondering what is going on and it is starting to worry me.
KatZee Posted September 2, 2014 Posted September 2, 2014 My ex did this same thing. Turns out he had met someone at the new job he started and he was carrying out an emotional affair. He was sobbing like a baby when he was dumping me. Told me he could see us getting back together, that he just needed time to get his "head straight." 5 weeks of NC and I hear from him. He was cold and cruel. He basically "cemented" the new girl as a girlfriend and "dumped" me all over again. Who knows what's going on with him right now, but in any case, he's not taking your calls. I would leave him alone. Clearly something happened, and honestly, you will probably not ever know what it was.
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