Is a white lie a small infarction in a relationship? Or is it a road block

[Apaige]

So, you may, or may not know my situation. If you do, great, and if you don't, I have trust issues, and I've recently become very insecure because my (now) ex husband of 15 years blind sided me with his infidelities with a much younger woman. Any how, I've been struggling with my baggage that was left behind from my ex. I met someone 2 years ago, started actually dating him 1.5 years ago. I didn't trust him like I should have, I've accused him, and basically interrogated him for no reason. Facebook is one of my triggers it sets me off every time. I dumped my Facebook account, he has not. He seems very flirtatious in there. We are on a break right now, have been for a few weeks. I've acknowledged my fault and flaws, I started therapy for wife abandonment syndrome, so I am working on me.

 

Last night he and I went out for the first time in a while, and I hve to say it was magical...dinner, beach bar...table for two in the beach, just talking and laughing all night. We took a walk on te beach and just say there watching the sun set while the band played in the background. We both went back to his place, where no relations took place. I stayed because we stayed up all night talking. And the next morning a text came through, the phone was right in front of me while he was in the bathroom, I looked and it was a text from another girl asking if he was a wake yet...when I asked who had text him, he lied. Told me it was tom. I confronted him....he told me he had lied because things had been so rocky with us and he didn't want to give me another reason to doubt him or our relationship. I was very hurt. He apologized up a storm, told me that she is a client of his, she's married 20 years, so on! I expressed my feelings, told him tht he's insensitive to my needs, and left. He called me all day. He apologized 20 times, sent me pictures I his where abouts today, and reassured me that he was working...not sure what to so at this point....

[salparadise]

Yes, I've read two of your recent threads, so I'm familiar.

 

Sounds like a Facebook babe to me. A married female client texting to ask if he's awake yet... do you buy that one? Even if that were true, that was not a client text. Of course he lied. Do you consider that a little white lie? A little white lie is like if you say you ate an apple for lunch when you actually had a hot dog.

 

I think the guy is keeping you on the string while actively looking for his next girlfriend, or playing the field or whatever. It would be pretty easy to confirm what he's doing if you really want to know. Living in that space between suspecting but not knowing is going to drive you crazy. I say give him enough rope to hang himself and then move on so you can concentrate on therapy and working on yourself.

[smackie9]

I get the occasional text from a male coworker at odd times....doesn't mean I'm cheating on my husband.

 

I think you are over reacting. Yes people do lie so as to not rock the boat. Was it wrong of him, yes, but since you have such trust issues, it forced him to be gun shy about telling the truth. You made the right choice because this and any other relationship you have will not work until you fix your lack of trust. The problem lies within you not him.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I think you don't trust him for a reason. Follow your instincts.

[MidwestUSA]

Lie or no lie, you know where I stand on your situation. Please take my prior advice to heart! Space and time to yourself!

 

The more you encounter things that make you suspicious, even with good reason, the more you delay getting to that place, the place YOU need to be!

 

 

I was there, I know it's hard to break away, but you have to.

 

 

(52 year old beautiful bride here. Do it for ME, if not for you. )

[Mr Scorpio]

A white lie can be a small infraction, but I don't know if this qualifies as a white lie. Granted, I haven't read your previous posts, so I don't have the full story.

 

 

He said that it was a client. What does he do for a living? Is it a career where it is normal for clients to have his personal cell number?

 

 

Moreover, even if he is telling the truth, that means he feels so insecure with the relationship that he feels the need to lie about something that innocuous. He doesn't believe you trust him, and your reading his text messages supports that theory.

 

 

Maybe you are 100% totally correct in not trusting him. Either way, it sounds like your relationship is built on quicksand.