newby Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 After reading - he's just not that into you, and some of the posts on this site, i am a bit worried about this one. how many men would date a woman who has been the OW? how many OW have admitted such a thing to a potential and what was the reaction? is it true that men think if women that are/have been the ow think that little of themselves to not be treated to a proper relationship that they should think that little of them too, and NOT date them? do MM therefore also think it's ok to treat the OW apallingly because she thinks so little of herself that she will be the OW to a MM? i need in response to this question at least one of each of the following: man married man who has had an A OW/exOW who has confessed to being an OW to a potential
MsMree Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 how many men would date a woman who has been the OW? how many OW have admitted such a thing to a potential and what was the reaction? is it true that men think if women that are/have been the ow think that little of themselves to not be treated to a proper relationship that they should think that little of them too, and NOT date them? Wow... i have dated one man very casually since MM was in the picture - yes, i did tell him and i told him that i was in love w/him but really needed to give other relationships a try. I believed that he deserved the truth if he was interested in dating me - the truth being that i wasn't over MM. Of course, i wouldn't tell someone on the first date, maybe not even the second - but i wouldn't tell them most personal things about me in a couple of dates - that is just not their business. And to be perfectly honest, i do not think little of myself. In fact, my MM treats me better than any person (not just men) has ever treated me and if any man wants to date me in the future he MUST treat me as well - so if they want to judge me for being in a relatinship w/MM here is my response - that it is pretty sad that a single man can not "hold a candle" to my man that is married - Dont' think this realization doesn't SUCK FOR ME.
lynnered Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 Originally posted by newby OW/exOW who has confessed to being an OW to a potential first of all newby i love these thought provoking posts of yours!!! After 1st year or so mm wasnt i dont know as talkative for a time ,I met this guy at the gym was just talking as friends he asked for my number . I talked to him on the phone for a few hours ,he was asking me all kinds of questions the he was like are you attached ?I was like well sort of ,and basiclly i told him i was with a mm he went into this whole your better then this ,yada yada ,he took psychology in school so he tried to analize me,i talked to him on the phone a few times he was too into me almost stalkerish,he wanted to date me but I dont know he was just too into me it scared me !!! next relationship i will not tell anybody of A!!! my past is my past ,ive learned from it no one has the right to judge me , thats like people who know how many sex partners their SO has had ,that only causes trouble !! every saint has a past every sinner a future
LadyRLD Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 Hi Newby. I read that book. Actually the author was just trying to make you see that you are better than being a side woman. The author is trying to make you want to get out of bad situations. I don't think he met that line to be fully true. vHe's just trying to get you motivated to get out of being labeled a number 2. Would you want to date a man who is currently and OM? No. You would move on too. So why tell anyone about the MM? The MM kept you a secret, you should keep him a secret too. Or better yet act like he never even exist. In my experience. My past is my past. I wouldn't even tell my new date about past boyfriends unless they ask. What's the point in bringing them up? For you your MM was just a past boyfriend. Your future great guy don't need to know all of the details. My motto is New Date; Clean Slate :0) don't bring up the past unless you have a baby's daddy or something like that :0)
newby Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 such a lot of good stuff here ok first of all i wasnt saying that we do neccessarily think little of ourselves second i wasnt either saying that we should third i completely love this quote: every saint has a past, every sinner a future i dont believe my past should tag along with me either or anybodies, the past is the past, every moment is now in the book ladyRLD it uses fictional situations and questions and rhetorical questions you are right, but then it has an example of a real life scenario, it was in that example that one of "gregs friends" said he went on a date with someone who confessed to being the OW and he told her he would not date her again because if she didnt think that much of herself nor did he. i am kinda analysing myself in this situation with mm and wondering if by me staying in for awhile once aware of facts was i saying well yeah you can do this, this is how little i think of me, i'm just exploring to learn from this and also wondering if this is the way that all men think. after looking at mens behaviour i am beginning to think they do all think like this. well if you dont look out for yourself i sure aint gonna. if you dont have respect for yourself i aint gonna. and if they think this kind of thing depicts you as the kind of girl that does have no self respect etc. i wouldnt want to date somebody who couldnt accept my past either funny though lynnered, the only date i ever told, in fact the only date i ever thought would accept it and not treat me like some unself respecting fool happened to also be a psychologist and also got reeeeally obsessed with me, stalkerish too. uugh wierd!
izzybelle Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 i think each situation is going to produce different results and reactions. i could honestly see why a guy would "reject" someone if the stance she took was more of a "i was after this guy and the rest of the world be dam*ed" attitude vs. an "i made a huge mistake that i regret" stance. i've told a close male friend of mine who's going through a divorce, his wife is leaving him for her MM who left his W for her. although we're just friends and it may very well stay that way, we've talked at length about the fact that we can't be involved right now because neither of us is ready for to put our "all" into a relationship. he's been very honest with me that i'm the kind of woman he'd like to have a relationship with, i have all the qualities he'd look for in a "mate". so i'll have to assume from that that he's accepting of what happened. the guy that i'm actually dating doesn't know, and at some point i will tell him. if he cares, then so be it, i'll walk away... but from what i understand from his exW, he cheated while they were married. so if i'm willing to "forgive" his past he'd better be willing to understand mine, or it's just not worth it. another guy that i, hmmm not sure how to describe that relationship, has never been married and i know he has a very strong view on infidelity. i have a feeling he was cheated on in the past. i know he said he came very close to getting married at one point.... but he's never shared much more than that. i don't know how much i'd tell him .... i guess in my case, although it was still wrong, i was soooooo sure that MM was getting divorced that he really convinced me that we had a "green light" for our relationship. in some ways, i think that may make my "confessing" easier. but, i know there's still the risk. when i became involved with MM i was at a lower point in my life having just ended things with MM#1 a few months before. but i didn't think "little" of myself then. when things ended with MM i hit rock bottom and my self esteem was about as low as it could possibly be. which is why i waited about 6 mos. to even start dating. some guys will be more accepting than others about everything and i think we need to just assess each situation. although i have to admit that after everything i've been through and everything i've read here, beginning a relationship feeling like i was hiding something would feel odd. it's that whole trust mess. to trust that someone's being honest and to trust that someone will be as accepting of our mistakes as we're willing to accept theirs.
lynnered Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 Originally posted by izzybelle when i became involved with MM i was at a lower point in my life having just ended things with MM#1 a few months before. but i didn't think "little" of myself then. when things ended with MM i hit rock bottom and my self esteem was about as low as it could possibly be. which is why i waited about 6 mos. to even start dating. some guys will be more accepting than others about everything and i think we need to just assess each situation. although i have to admit that after everything i've been through and everything i've read here, beginning a relationship feeling like i was hiding something would feel odd. it's that whole trust mess. to trust that someone's being honest and to trust that someone will be as accepting of our mistakes as we're willing to accept theirs. i disagree a little izzybelle i understand honesty and trusty acceptance and all that fun stuff ,but my issue is it made me the person i am ,i do not plan on bringing baggage to a new relationship ,here i am I've known other men ,yes ,you are now they are then ,even with XMM the other relationships I've told him about like the guy i was dating when A started he still brings up"army guy". And also a friend cheated on her H with a MM his W found out they ended A done with ,she meets a attached guy has another A falls in love left H,well boyfriend brings up XMM every so often in arguments . i don't feel being in love means you have a right to everything thats happend in my life i don't want to hear about a guys Xs unless like someone said " if its a baby's momma"OK they have a kid . right now I'm so f****D up inside cause of this situation ,when i get past all my anger and hurt &put that behind me ,then ill be ready to date &at that point i don't want to give someone the right to judge me on something i did in the past &wouldn't do again. honesty is the best policy ,but insanity is a better defense
izzybelle Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 lynnered, you make some very valid points and on my way into work, i admit, i was having some of the same thoughts! there are definitely some things in my distant past that i don't know that i'd EVER share with anyone. there is no reason they need to know about some of the things i've done and some of the things that have happened to me. and you're right, (and this is what i was thinking about on the way in) all of it has made me who i am and if they care enough about that person then what does it matter...why would i feel the need to confess my deepest darkest secrets? exMM and i had a VERY honest relationship, but there are a few things that i never told him because i don't know that he needed to know. and i don't think i ever would have told him. and in some ways, yeah, why add things into the relationship that could be thrown back into your face? there is definitely the argument for starting a relationship with a clean slate... honesty is the best policy ,but insanity is a better defense i definitely like this!!!
izzybelle Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 ok an amendment to one statement i just made..... exMM and i had a VERY honest relationship about SOME things!!!!
MsMree Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 It really does depend on the "new" man - we aren't stupid - some men we may be comfortable w/sharing this info. once we are comfortable w/them - but we may not ever feel the need to tell another/others. Depends on the person we are dating.
lynnered Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 Originally posted by izzybelle ok an amendment to one statement i just made..... exMM and i had a VERY honest relationship about SOME things!!!! me and XMM were really close ,i do miss being able to talk to someone like that ,but sometime i think its an issue of time as to what we spill . the friend i mentioned who was M had 2 As? shes the type of person who tells everyone everything ,she gets on my nerves she even tells her boyfriend my business !! thats why i could never tell her of my A,when she was having both A both in workplace she didnt care who knew &H didnt find out about 1st A until 2nd A, and you know most of the guys at work called her a whore behind her back,shes not a bad person just wasnt happy ,figured she stay married have A here &there. i didnt agree but i was a friend to her ,i didnt question her i listened when she needed me . but how do you think her next boyfriend will react if she says well i cheated on my XH 2 times ,1x with a MM ,2nd time guy had a girlfriend then i left H for 2nd guy &o and she doesnt feel its working out with boyfriend so she feels she may cheat on him too!!! well with her maybe she needs to warn!!lol every situations differnt ,i will not get myself in this type of situation again,i never want to hurt this again ,and to share that with a someone else to me would be giving them amo !!! to my XMM: i will always treasure the initial misconceptions i had of you.
LadyRLD Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 The past has nothing to do with who are you are now. I was a different person back then and yes I did not respect myself when I dated the MM. My self esteem was low. If I felt like I do now and he would have came along he would not of had a chance. So what I am saying is men who respect themselves want women who respect themselves as well. Why would they want anything less? It's a disgrace to a single guy when a woman rather date someone who is taken than to be alone and stick it out till the right man comes along. A strong independent man would look at this like this women is needy and just needs to have a man regardless of who he is. So men who are worth anything would be disappointed if they knew you would be with an MM. The fact is you are not with him now. So why would you even bring up the past? It's done and over and you have changed. Unless you have a criminal record or a baby's daddy then the new guy doesn't need to know about your past. I am not being religious. So please don't get offended. I am just letting you know if you are spiritual even God doesn't want you to remember the past. What's the point? This Bible verse has helped me to move on quicker. "Forget what happened in the past, and do not dwell on events from long ago." God says, "I am going to do something new." Isaiah 43:18 Words to live by :0) So give your new man and new chance and start with a clean slate. I wouldn't want to tell someone I was an OW. To me that's a personal turning point in my life that only I would understand. But if you feel the need to tell someone new than so be it. But really evaluate the reasons why? Because believe me MM would never ever tell his W about you? So why should you give him any power and tell your potential mate about him? Doesn't make sense to me.
izzybelle Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 all that makes sense. i ended up telling my one male friend because his marriage was falling apart at exactly the same time my relationship with MM was falling apart. although i was a little shady about it at first just left it as a "relationship gone bad" something happened when i was talking to him once about trust and i fell apart and told him. i know he knows how much it tore me up and that it still has an impact. so... i will disagree to the extent that all men worth anything would be disappointed. he knows i know it was a mistake but he's been very understanding, and accepting, and he shares some of his "stupid" dating stories with me! he's a good friend, and a real sweet guy and IMHO worth a lot! and who knows maybe someday when the planets all line up....!
LadyRLD Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 Hi Izzy. I meant single men would be disappointed if you were still in the relationship with the MM. Or you told them you are in a relationship with an MM currently and you can only be friends with the single guy. Sounds kind of stupid huh? Only a single man without any self respect would wait around for you. That';s what I mean. They wouldn't be disappointed if it was a past event and you moved on. But moving on doesn't include bringing up MM or any past boyfriends to a current boyfriend. Why/ You would only do that if you were still heartbroken. Once your heart heals, you wouldn't even care to tell your boyfriend about the past MM relationship. If you do why stop with the MM, you might as well tell them about your High School Prom date and your one night stands (if you had any) as well. The point would be........I am still wonder what would be the reason. Unless it's like Izzy's situation. The man you are going for was a friend to you when you were going through the relationship with the MM. That's different if the man was your best friend for a while. We are talking about a new complete different guy Post MM relationship. Not during your MM relationship.
newby Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 umm yes good points everyone but i think what i was trying to get from this was not, should i tell a potential mate i was once an ow, i totally agree with what you say lady about all that stuff. it is more to do with what i did to enable mm to think it was ok to treat me like that, is it cos i was saying to him with my actions of dating him that it was ok. yes i guess that makes sense tho lady i mean if i meet a man who seems to have no self respect i guess i dont respect them much either, nasty as that may sound. and yeah i am not dating him anymore i think lady you have done well and got over this quickly, with me its taking a little longer, i still feel quite bad i am still dealing with what it was all about in lots of ways and trying to get myself so i dont get into that one again or anything similar. i dont think i will, but i wanna make sure!
lynnered Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 i still feel don't tell !!! i mean alot of valid points have been made ,i guess it relates to how we feel about reveling our past in general i am a private person ,i am not ashamed of the love i still have for XMM or any X for that matter , but in a new relationship i see no reason to share details of my past relationships , and i don't need to know about my mans past , we've all made mistakes and even the best of men may have a problem with his lady having been an OW. with me it may be because I'm a private person but i just don't see it being helpful in a relationship
fanou22 Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 I had trust issues before the A. I am sure I will have more trust issues when I meet a potential someone. I don't think it is a good idea to tell a SG about MM not unless things have become serious between the 2. I would hold off this piece of info until I know the guy better to know how he might react to such a "confession of a past life" I told a friend of mine who had been an OM about the affair thinking that he is one to understand. He FLAMED me. He was worse than some of the BWs. On the other hand I told another friend whom I have dated (shortly) some few years back and he was completely understanding. He even encouraged me to continue with the A until I meet someone.
LadyRLD Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 I sooooo agree with you. My relationships are my own private experience that shaped me into the woman I am today. I just don't see any reason to bring it up to a new man. Unless there is a connection to my past somehow like a baby or a disease or something that I really really serious that I have to tell him about. Or if he asks. My motto is if they don't ask then you don't tell at least while I am dating. :0)
d'Arthez Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 Sorry to take a peek at you. I am a man, and have not been involved in an affair in one way or the other. I am not here to bash anyone. This is not directed at anyone in particular, although I have chosen to pick up a few points from LadyRLD's post. Originally posted by LadyRLD The past has nothing to do with who are you are now. I was a different person back then and yes I did not respect myself when I dated the MM. My self esteem was low. If I felt like I do now and he would have came along he would not of had a chance. The past has something to do with who you are now. The past shapes our thought processes, or likes and dislikes, our preferences et cetera. To understand a person, we must try to understand that person's past. With its good sides and its bad sides. Without understanding that, it is much harder to be in a relationship. You were a different person in the past, but some things remain. If you prefer one brand of cola over the other brands, it does not change each day, possibly not for your life-time. And the same is true for much more important things. For some men it is not an issue. They figure, the past is the past. But be careful, that he does not have issues with which he has not dealt yet. That might be a chance you take with the view that you don't want to talk about the past. So what I am saying is men who respect themselves want women who respect themselves as well. Why would they want anything less? It's a disgrace to a single guy when a woman rather date someone who is taken than to be alone and stick it out till the right man comes along. A strong independent man would look at this like this women is needy and just needs to have a man regardless of who he is. Your last statement is not true. Of course it would depend somewhat how OW became involved in the affair. Some OW are totally caught unawares, by a polygamous man leading a double-life. Some OW actively sought for a MM. In the last case it would be serious integrity issue, while in the first case it would be an unfortunate chain of events, and nothing more. Needy, not per definition. Unwise, not per definition. But from the standpoint of SG it can very frustrating to have to feeling that the women you could possibly have an interest in prefer a MM, rather than dating some single guy possibly this SG himself. Or have the feeling, that SG are only in the game, when a woman needs SG. Not my point of view, but you will probably meet a few guys who think this way. Telling them of an affair you were involved in would mean that you give up on a possible relationship with them. The ultimate form of selfrespect is acknowledging what one has done, and also learn from one's mistakes. Men would be disappointed if they knew your past, but also impressed by your honesty. It is a great taboo to talk about I know. But a really great man for you, should be able to overcome that. I can understand that you want to start with a clean slate. But ours lifes do not start over after each relationship. Some things remain. If you have been cheated on, the pain and the fears don't magically disappear when you start a new relationship. Would you hide it if you were being cheated on in a previous relationship? And the same will be true of your new interests. The fact is you have been with a MM. And either you can chose 2 things. To hide it, or to tell it. If you hide it, your relationship will never be totally innocent. If you tell it, and the new man cannot deal with it, you would be better of without him. And how much would he be worth, if he could not understand this "mistake"? Not much. It all depends on the quality of the man. The problem is of course, that it is a serious issue, and some men won't deal with it, as you would wish. But not telling of an affair you were involved in, simply means to hide it. And the problem is of course, can you succeed? Not only from day to day, but also moments you have less control over the situation, in the bedroom? And if that does happen, it could have very negative consequences.
lynnered Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 Originally posted by LadyRLD I sooooo agree with you. My relationships are my own private experience that shaped me into the woman I am today. I just don't see any reason to bring it up to a new man. Unless there is a connection to my past somehow like a baby or a disease or something that I really really serious that I have to tell him about. Or if he asks. My motto is if they don't ask then you don't tell at least while I am dating. :0) i sooo agree with you ladyworld i mean just because we date ,are engaged ,getting married gives you no right to my past!! unless like you said a disease or a child ,i really dont care what a man has done in his past all that causes is jealousy &drama . being the OW has given me some insight on life ,has changed me for the worst in some ways I've been depressed the last couple of months ,i haven't been the "old"carefree me for awhile ,but I'm getting there, there were some good things i loved XMM with all my heart ,i showed it even if it wasn't a normal relationship ,i know he loves me . it taught me 2 people can get along ,can have GREAT love making ,that I'm not the type of person who can play second and be happy , why would i share that?why would i let someone pick apart what i had in any relationship? i am who i am now ,if not for this i would not be . all a new guy needs to know about is right now and our time together . keep the lesson ,but throw away the experience.
lynnered Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 d'Arthez sorry i disagree with you!! "The past has something to do with who you are now. The past shapes our thought processes, or likes and dislikes, our preferences et cetera. To understand a person, we must try to understand that person's past. With its good sides and its bad sides. Without understanding that, it is much harder to be in a relationship. You were a different person in the past, but some things remain. If you prefer one brand of cola over the other brands, it does not change each day, possibly not for your life-time. And the same is true for much more important things" i was in a abusive relationship my 1st boyfriend , i do not think every man is going to beat my @ss, just because i was with a MM does not mean i think all men cheat. each situation is different , i owe nobody my personal business ,if a man is so insecure he needs to know about every guy i slept with,every little thing ive done before him, then i have a choice as does he,he can respect my privacy or get out of my life keep it simple.
lynnered Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 "The ultimate form of selfrespect is acknowledging what one has done, and also learn from one's mistakes. Men would be disappointed if they knew your past, but also impressed by your honesty. It is a great taboo to talk about I know. But a really great man for you, should be able to overcome that. I can understand that you want to start with a clean slate. But ours lifes do not start over after each relationship. Some things remain. If you have been cheated on, the pain and the fears don't magically disappear when you start a new relationship. Would you hide it if you were being cheated on in a previous relationship? And the same will be true of your new interests." why do i need to "acknowledge "with a new guy ? and why do i need to "impress him with my honesty" i am an individual ,i dont need to "acknowledge "to anyone but me , when i start dating again ,there is nothing wrong with keeping this to myself , i go to therapy,i am working through this ,why should i work throgh this again with a new guy !! please a man should know ive dated before ,yes ,i have life experience ,he doesnt need to know every detail .
lynnered Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 "It all depends on the quality of the man. The problem is of course, that it is a serious issue, and some men won't deal with it, as you would wish. But not telling of an affair you were involved in, simply means to hide it. And the problem is of course, can you succeed? " again why does new man have to deal with it ? Not only from day to day, but also moments you have less control over the situation, in the bedroom? And if that does happen, it could have very negative consequences what do you mean in the bedroom ? ill be at my "moment"and scream YES YES I HAD A 4 YEAR AFFAIR WITH A MM?lol if i met a guy who had a A with MW ,i would rather not know ,people change im dealing with the guy in front of me ,not the guy 5 years ago ,the result of his life yes ,i dont need to know how he became who im dealing with and if we have problems we will deal with that ,past issues ,maybe he needs therapy.
d'Arthez Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 Originally posted by lynnered d'Arthez sorry i disagree with you!! i was in a abusive relationship my 1st boyfriend , i do not think every man is going to beat my @ss, just because i was with a MM does not mean i think all men cheat. each situation is different , i owe nobody my personal business ,if a man is so insecure he needs to know about every guy i slept with,every little thing ive done before him, then i have a choice as does he,he can respect my privacy or get out of my life keep it simple. Of course everyone is free to disagree with me. You say you have been in an abusive relationship with your first boyfriend. Why would not you tell that to future guys? Even though you might feel completely over him, it is not something that will be held against you. If you have had very serious incidences of (sexual) violence happen to you, there might be some things that would remember you of these past events. The dates, for example. Of course you don't do that on a first date. If you have serious trust issues, because you have been cheated on time and again, would not you want your partner to understand that going to a bachelor's party with a lot of strippers is not your idea of spending an evening with the boys? It would make it a lot easier for your partner to understand your concerns if he does know of your concerns. Men are not mindreaders. And by not giving any information of your past you make it harder for him to understand your concerns and issues. You don't have to give an explanation of your past if you don't want to. You don't have to give names et cetera (I would personally not care about names, and things you have done in that relationship). My point is some men want to know, and have to know the woman who they have an interest in. Including her past. And if you are not willing to divulge that information, some of these men will move on, and not be interested in a relationship. Men can have reasons to want to know things like that. Their own personal issues. You can say "ignore" the past. But if someone has been cheated on constantly, you can be certain that cheating history is important to that person. And if you don't need someone who acknowledges you, why would you even care to not give the information, if that person would not be important to your own acknowledgement? That makes no sense to me. Plus you lose out on the information of the other person too. He might be convicted for some crime, but if the past is the past, as it currently has no effects on him (because he has done his time), I think you'd rather know. Lynnered, Self-acknowledgement is not an issue of doing it privately, just as to be religious takes more than attend church services. It's not something you do when it only suits you, but something you do all the time. If you are not willing to do it all the time, you can't expect your future partner to be self-acknowledging all the time. Honesty is not something to chose, only when it suits us. But all the time. You want your partner to be honest all the time. If you prefer to keep it secret, it's your call. I am only warning you that you hide it, the following can happen, and this is of course assuming there will never be in contact with MM or his W again: You meet a SG. You go on date with him, and build a great relationship in your mind. But somehow you "mess" up. He finds a card, you mention MM's name. Or whatever. There are more possibilities than you would imagine. Then the relationship still can fall apart, because of the inbuilt flaws in the foundation of it. I don't want that to happen to you, nor anyone else here on this board. And I know it is a difficult call to make, both with their own risks. That is what I meant with my comment about the quality of your man. I fear that the easy option in the short run, will lead to increased likelihood of problems in the long-term.
lynnered Posted March 3, 2005 Posted March 3, 2005 "Men are not mindreaders. And by not giving any information of your past you make it harder for him to understand your concerns and issues." Disagree i can tell him my concerns w/o throwing my past into it . You say you have been in an abusive relationship with your first boyfriend. Why would not you tell that to future guys? its not there business!!! why let them know that part of me?i was young native and put up with it i am not that person anymore. I do have trust issues i am aware of ,but i can communicate them ,had them before XMM,i feel its my insecurity, thats why i know I'm not ready to date...yet but when i am ,i am not an open book at the same time , i can communicate my needs . i feel once you get in a relationship you are still one person, "Self-acknowledgement is not an issue of doing it privately" self= ones own known or considered as the subject of his own consciousness acknowledgement=to admit as true. i appreciate your warning it gives me something to think about but i still disagree i trust you to tell me what is best for you, i trust you will know that i know what is best for me.
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