Missy0724 Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 God, I love his forum.... THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. I now know I am not alone. I was in a relationship with a NPD for 10 months. Blinded by sexual attraction, charm, all the "right" words, the "pity party" of the past, my childhood, how my parents treated me, my ex wife not emotionally intimate, etc. So he felt OK, had the right to **** his wife's best friend, prostitutes, lie to wife, his four young children. Because, "I'm an addict." "I had a rough childhood". "My parents ignored me"....blah blah blah. All these excuses from a 40 year old man. Oh, please.... Yeah, a real winner. And I fell for it. And took me 10 months to take him OFF his pedestal, see him for what he truly is. A narcissist. Probably not his fault in many ways, sure. But as adults, we have the CHOICE to leave our pasts behind us... and become better people, love in a healthy way. Some people choose not to do that, for their own selfish ways. Fine. But we don't have to be a part of it. We have the power to walk away. Do what is right for US. And we MUST do that. We must LOVE ourselves before we allow anyone else to love us, enter into our lives. Self respect. Don't give that up. Ever. 2
RedRobin Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 (edited) D-Lish, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Trying to trust and having an open heart should never be a source of shame or embarrassment. Lets save that for the a-holes who corrode everyone's faith in other people with their selfish behavior. Edited September 5, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Missy0724 Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I'm 46 and have been in a lot of relationships, and was married for 20 years. My most recent relationship was with a man who def had NPD. Quite clear, now that it's been over for two months and I now see and think clearly. He is an addictive personality, recovering alcoholic, drugs, sex/love addict. And exactly why did I chose to be with this person? Because at first he honest with me and told me this. He was also SO charming, charismatic, attractive, great job, life, so much in common, just a very strong connection. And I got sucked in. I was in a vulnerable state when I met him over a year ago, and take responsibility for that... And I'm in pain now, he did a number on me, esp after he broke up with me. His true colors came out, and he has many issues. No empathy, selfish, manipulative, lies, withholding, addicted to ex wife, as well as other activities, food, huge ego, etc. Great guy in some ways, but took me 10 months to know him, watch his behaviors, how live his life, how treat others, his ex wife, his kids, very loose or no boundaries or rules. And how he treated me, how our relationship became (and started off) very unhealthy. He does not how to love. Both his parents screwed up, unhealthy childhood full of drinking, sex, no boundaries, tons of money. Sure all that made him who he is. But no excuse for treating people as he treated me. His choice as a grown man, IMO. But he has NPD, I'm sure of it. He turned to prostitutes while married, even had affair with ex wife's best friend. Only reason why he stopped doing these things, was bc wife caught him. Divorced him. He went to rehab. Now a "changed man". What I bought into, when I met him...but he carrying SO much anger towards ex wife bc she divorced him. He mad at HER! When he one who cheated! And not once! And with her friend! His ego so big, he pissed she didn't give him a "chance". Two years later, she dating. And he angry. The whole, "if I can't have her, noone can." So many characteristics of a narcissist. I could go on and on... So there plenty of people out there like this. This was my first experience dating one. My mother prob had NPD, as does my sister. So sad. And not someone you can have a healthy, two-way relationship with. :-( Any way, I've posted about him, how he treated me, on other threads... Yes, from experience, save yourself so much heartache. Walk away. These types of people and relationships drain you, hurt you more than other types. They play with your mind, turn things around, make you doubt yourself. If you allow it. I did, and understand now. Never again. Hard hard lessons learned, and people hurt. But this is life... End it, move on. He broke up with me and three days later said he wanted to be "close friends". Still trying to control, manipulate, boost his ego. Took me two months, LC, but yesterday told him basically, Hell NO. For first time spoke the truth, let him know what an unhealthy person he is and how he treated me. And I'm pissed and done. Goodbye, don't ever contact me again. Took my control back. Good luck to him and his sick ways. My mistake for allowing that, for 10 months. Trying to let go of anger, and forgive myself, and accept it happened for a reason, to teach me so much. That it did...
johnson_j Posted September 4, 2014 Posted September 4, 2014 I was in an intimate committed relationship with a beautiful young lady, the exact kind of lady I always envisioned myself with. This clouded my judgment and made me look past little red flags that soon exposed big red flags. She turned out to be possibly the worst person I've met (lying, accusing me of things, just general psycho behavior). One time at the beginning stands out, right before the whole thing unraveled for her: This girl went on and on about how she was real good friends with her boss and his wife. Even went so far as to talking about us going on vacation with them, because he was super excited me meet me and she had told them all about me, we had so much in common, etc. I asked her if I could stop by her work and pick her up for lunch one day - she said yes. I brought her some flowers to her work as a gift for a special occasion she was celebrating. Her office is very small and I had previously met a few of the people at a function, so they recognized me. Her boss was there - he looked at me and had no idea who in the world I was or why I was there. His expression was of surprise, and he looked a the girl and said "Who is this?". We did have good talk but I knew then she was lying about numerous things - later that day I asked her why her boss didn't know about me, thought we had discussed that - but in her words apparently I misunderstood because she wanted to keep her private life separate and she would have told him in time about me.... Later on when I showed her the proof she was lying to me, living a lie, and suggested she get help for it, she went on full attack mode on me trying to make it all my fault. WOW.
RedRobin Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 (edited) I've been here long enough to know that D-lish doesn't throw out labels willy nilly. I also think she takes more than her share of the blame for lots of situations. She calls herself broken. That's really sad. I don't see her as broken at all. I see her as internalizing behavior on the part of men that other men have encouraged, coached, or whatever as something they need to do. It's not her fault there are so many morally compromised men in the dating world. I blame men and the culture of lies too many seem to support instead of dealing with the fact that it's mostly other men who have stunted other men emotionally, and let them down... and given them the wrong messages about what constitutes 'success'. To some extent, we've all been coached by society to believe it is women's job to police men... but it's not. As we observe here, lots of men don't listen to women. They listen to other men. It is men who need to step up and start policing their own ranks. Anyway, if this is the first time that D lish has come across a sociopath, then she is fortunate. She is being too hard on herself, if you ask me. If you've ever been a target of one, a sociopath, you don't forget what it looks like. D lish doesn't need us to tell her she's come across one. I myself have come across maybe one in my life, and I'll never forget it. Edited September 5, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
tuxedo cat Posted September 5, 2014 Posted September 5, 2014 So you think he fabricated his father's death and got his money from gambling?
Recommended Posts