Just learned about GIGS. 2 weeks into breakup, have I done alright?

[Omega87]

Hey everyone,

 

Firstly I'm really finding this forum very helpful in dealing with my situation right now, so THANK YOU.

 

I was with my girlfriend for 6.5 years (she was 18 I was 20, now 25 and 27), we had a great, loving relationship, we are both artists (actor/filmmaker). She moved across the country with me, I encouraged her to follow her goals and dreams which she is doing now. We've been a huge part of each others lives. As artists, we naturally did drift towards opening up our lives to new experiences, allowing each other to be as individual as you could in a relationship. We even tried an open relationship for a few weeks before the break up. (bad idea) I was always certain though that it didn't matter what we did, we had such a strong bond and connection we'd always find our way back to each other, nothing could break our relationship. I was not even a little bit jealous when she spent time with other guys.

 

About mid July I started noticing she had been by (what I now know as) GIGS. I continuously called her out on it, she continuously denied wanting to break up, but slowly it went there. Two weeks ago she pulled the trigger.

 

I was upset, but got myself away. She was on the teetering back and forth for the first few days. I'm really good at reasoning with her so we had some great talks, but ultimately looking back they just cause more pain, cause I'm not changing her mind.

 

I've been pretty mature throughout this. In July when I thought she was breaking up with me, I got a little bit emotional and needy at times, it was such a shock. A few days after it happened we had a nice night, and I agreed with her decision. We spent some time at the beach, and she cried and cried. I was mature and cool as a cucumber. She didn't want to let go of me, but still even in that moment, she was certain she needed to be by herself.

 

A few days later I sat her down, and I didn't plead, but I did tell her that my gut is telling me this is a mistake, and I had to be honest with her. She still didn't budge, so I told her then she would be seeing a lot less of me. She didn't like that.

 

Another chat a few days later, I got a bit angry this time. I said it was a mistake, that she can stop calling it mutual cause I didn't give up on this relationship she did. By the end of the night she was saying she just wanted it to be a break for 6 months, then we can try again. I told her no.

 

THEN, the next morning she was acting cruelly and mean, I ignored it and went on with my day, the next morning she was still the same way, I called her on it and she flipped out. "I just need out of this relationship, I'm sick of being told how to think, (I don't do that), told me to get the f*** out". Went to the gym, came back, found a love letter that she wrote me probably five years ago, a letter that was very special to me, torn to pieces....

 

... This absolutely broke me. She wasn't home, but I cried hard. It destroyed me. I went around the apartment and took every single picture of us, gift between us, pretty much every indication of a relationship, and tossed them all in a bag and threw them into storage. She thinks they're thrown out.

 

We haven't chatted much since then. I went home once and has nothing to say to her, she tried to apologize, I told her I could have walked in to her banging someone on the couch and it wouldn't have been that hurtful.

 

Later that day, she sent me an apology email. And rewrote a letter in a similar vein (She can be adorable). It was nice, but also brutal, it said how she loves me, everything she said in the last letter is still true today. etc. I didn't reply.

 

I saw her again the next morning, she apologized again, I said we'll chat tonight maybe. I ended up making other plans, she did as well (I think she went on a date).

 

That's where we're at. Oh yeah and we live together until the end of September. I have not texted her once since we've broken up, she has a few times but has stopped at this point.

 

I do see a potential future with this girl. I am coming to terms with it maybe being over, I am sleeping fine, I'm not depressed, just a little sad sometimes. I think I've been pretty honest with her. I'm the kind of guy that will go up to her and half jokingly tell her "you've got this thing called GIGS." The power is continuously shifting.

 

She needs space, and frankly so do I, BUT what the he!! do I do for the next month? I feel like since she'll see me, she has the opportunity to ease her way out of the relationship, rather than being hit with strict NC. I don't like that or want that. It's hard to go sleep on couches cause I have a pretty strict morning routine, and I'm keeping the place.

 

AND, I do want not want this month to be something she remembers me for. I'm pretty confident once her GIGS wears off, she'll realize what she had with me. Maybe not though, and I am completely open to finding someone new. But it is a nice thought, and I don't want to completely ruin the chances over the next month.

 

So, sorry this is probably too long, but how do you guys think I have done so far? and what do I do next?

 

THANKS!

[loversquarrel]

Sucks to hear. First and foremost though you need to think of yourself and whether or not she is meeting your needs. If it is GIGS that she has, then get out and go complete NC. Not for manipulative reasons, but because you are telling her she can't have both. Another consideration is the both of you have a long history together, but you met at a young age. Maybe the two of you are pulling apart because you are no longer right for one another.

[No Limit]

On and off stuff brings you nowhere, it just keeps you hooked on hope.

Go NC, and stick to it. The only reason she's still around is because obviously she hasn't found anyone to replace you with yet.

[Polak]

Your story was legit fascinating... Couldn't stop reading it haha. Sounds like you are a very grounded person, which is great. I would agree with the previous posters to go ahead and stick with NC as much as you can until she leaves the property. I know over a month it may be tough cause she will be in the same building, but start thinking of her simply as a roommate who you don't care to see or talk with. I think it would be almost impossible to completely shut off from someone who lives with you, so simple "yes" or "no" answers will suffice in necessary situations, but no small talk or anything remotely similar. I would still view that as NC because of the circumstances of a shared living space.

 

The only reason she's still around is because obviously she hasn't found anyone to replace you with yet.

 

I agree with this. Staying in the halfway-zone won't do anything for you, as you might be aware. So start focusing on the "ready for new stuff" that you mentioned. Let her look for her greener grass, but don't think about it. Just do you for the next month.