Just found out.

[mrty]

Hi all, okay so here's the story, well a greatly shortened version anyway. Basically my ex girlfriend recently ended a 3 1/2 year relationship with me, happens all the time right. So the week before she ended things everything seemed great same as usual we always got on great, the odd niggle but never anything major. Anyway as I said the week before it ended we were chatting and texting as always nice loved up stuff. I'm quoting a couple of things said just for clarification because I'm completely baffled OK so: her "I can't wait to see you again so you can hold me and keep me safe" "I hate being apart from you I can't wait till we never have to be apart again" and then the last thing she said to me before she seen me before the breakup was " I love you so so much". OK sounds like a fairly solid relationship, well that's what I would have thought anyway. However a week goes by we finally meet again I'm delighted as always, she's acting weird, spent a nice evening together, next morning BOOM dumped. Is this strange do feelings change so quickly am I so naive when it comes to women? We were planning a future together and for it to end in such a manner just seems strange to me. I was never bad to her never cheated, lied, and was always kind and treated her well. I understand that people go off people but in less than a fortnight. Mm odd. A womans perspective would be very welcome. Yours heartbroken Marty.

[tornforever]

hey man,

 

story sounds similar to mine, ex was taking me ring shopping saying she loves me etc... like constantly, she was a very needy girl, was Ur ex needy or clingy?, anyway shortly after all this she broke up with me and ran away, turns out she was cheating and texting another guy for around 2 weeks, have you talked to her yet? just ask her if u can talk to get some closure on whats happening, if shes a big liar like my ex you will unfortunately never find out or only later down the track, check if her FB profile friends list is on private that's a first sign of cheating or was it on private before? or check recently added.

[Lani]

I don't believe that it's necessarily the feelings that change so quickly, but a moment of realization is slmeyhin that literally only does take a moment.

It's harsh, but she may have just realised she's not in love you with you anymore. And those messages could have been habit.

I've been there.

And been broken up with in a similar circumstance.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting so much. It sucks. Relationships ending is never fun.

Be gentle with yourself for a while and try not to overthink it al, it won't change anything.

[LifeGoesOnMan]

Hi all, okay so here's the story, well a greatly shortened version anyway. Basically my ex girlfriend recently ended a 3 1/2 year relationship with me, happens all the time right. So the week before she ended things everything seemed great same as usual we always got on great, the odd niggle but never anything major. Anyway as I said the week before it ended we were chatting and texting as always nice loved up stuff. I'm quoting a couple of things said just for clarification because I'm completely baffled OK so: her "I can't wait to see you again so you can hold me and keep me safe" "I hate being apart from you I can't wait till we never have to be apart again" and then the last thing she said to me before she seen me before the breakup was " I love you so so much". OK sounds like a fairly solid relationship, well that's what I would have thought anyway. However a week goes by we finally meet again I'm delighted as always, she's acting weird, spent a nice evening together, next morning BOOM dumped. Is this strange do feelings change so quickly am I so naive when it comes to women? We were planning a future together and for it to end in such a manner just seems strange to me. I was never bad to her never cheated, lied, and was always kind and treated her well. I understand that people go off people but in less than a fortnight. Mm odd. A womans perspective would be very welcome. Yours heartbroken Marty.

 

sorry to hear this bro.

 

truth is, her feelings didn't change all that fast, she's felt whatever way she's feeling for awhile now.

 

wouldn't be surprised if another dude is in the picture, sorry to say.

 

Girls are masters of putting on a good front as if everything is peachy keen when its not.

 

As you will hear and read over and over again best thing to do its go NC, don't contact her, let her feel what its like to really "be apart".

 

In the meantime worry bout yourself and pretend she's dead.

[tornforever]

yeah it could of also been a build up over time, i agree with the putting up a front and habit sadly it always happens without you knowing.

[marcjb]

Most likely scenario: She is really a commitment-phobe. She realized things were really getting serious, and ended up cheating on you. She wanted to give herself a reason (besides the subconscious phobia of commitment) to end things. She has always jumped from relationship to relationship. When was her last relationship before you got together with her?

[Wings Of Love]

I understand how you're feeling. July last year, my ex and I celebrated our first anniversary. Everything was wonderful, we were closer than ever. We spent as much time together as possible over the next few days. One evening we were cuddling in bed and he was talking about our future, how much he wanted to marry me, have kids. He asked me never to leave him, he loved me so much.

 

Two days later, he was texting me all day (even though I was working) saying how much he loved me.

 

The following day we had plans to spend the night at his house after he finished work. He sent me a text cancelling our plans because he felt unwell. I asked if he was okay. No response. Left it half an hour and called him. He rejected my call. About an hour later I get another text saying I'd scared him off. Long story short, we talked, went to stay at his house anyway (at his request) and then he dumped me the following morning.

 

It was out of the blue, everything had seemed fine right up until the day before. But now, looking back, I'm thinking he checked out of the relationship a long time ago.

 

I don't know why they feel the need to string us along and lie about their feelings, maybe so we don't have a chance to try and talk them round? But I don't believe love can die that quickly. Both my ex and yours must've been feeling that way for a while. They just weren't honest about it. I'm sorry you're hurting, but it really does get better in time. Good luck to you.

[mightycpa]

You know, it's funny, you can read the same story over and over again. Almost invariably, right before the bomb gets dropped, the dumper is proclaiming how much they love you, how it will last forever, how happy they are, etc. I can't tell you how many times I've read that in these posts. A lot.

 

I've come to the conclusion that most dumpers are breaking up slowly, on their own, and they resist the way they feel. It is almost like these statements are them trying to convince themselves that the way they feel is wrong, and they want to stay together. At some point, they stop lying to themselves, and then very quickly, all of a sudden, they stop lying to you too.

 

The only problem is that you weren't detaching emotionally at the same time. You're at the beginning of the process, and they've gone through it, with you at their side. They go no contact when they're ready, while you are basically forced into it.

 

I think that is what has happened to you, Marty.

[mac25]

I sympathize with you. I'm in the same boat right now. I was broken up with "out of the blue" by my BF of 2 years. It hurt like hell because the rug was just pulled out from under me. I thought everything was perfectly fine. I was so in love with him. 2 months into breakup world I found out through mutual friends that he actually left me because he met someone else while we were going out.

 

I am not saying that this is why your GF left you, but when feelings seemingly change overnight like this, its very likely that a third party was involved in facilitating those changes. I denied it at first, but now it makes so much sense.

[soifnaegvbaoeaiegoaobgaiou]

I totally get this. I spent the last 3 months trying to get back my ex. (I started no contact for a week, broke. ) The best part is, I actually did it. For two days. She broke up with the guy that she was with to get over me that treated her poorly, we had a wonderful two days, and last Saturday night after a wonderful day together, I asked her "Are you 100% sure I'm the one you want to be with?" Of course she said yes. I asked her "Do you want some space to process this breakup before we continue with things?" She said no, I want to see you as much as I can, and made plans with me.

 

 

Couldn't get a hold of her to save my life the next day, Monday she acted fairly normal until I casually asked her why her Xbox was online when she had just left her workplace, I was concerned that her family had broken into her house again. (It happened with frightening regularity.) She got incredibly defensive and refused to communicate any further, and finally I had to just show up at her house to get her to admit that she was having dinner with her ex and trying to work things out with him, and that was the reason for her complete silence the day before.. I laughed, and left. NC all the way.

 

 

I have no idea why she could look me dead in the face and tell me she wanted to be with me the night before she completely does a 180. And you know what? It doesn't matter. Whatever he said or did to convince her that she's gonna be happier with him, more power to him. I like my women with a backbone, thank you very much.

[ExpatInItaly]

In my experience, no. Feelings don't change that fast. This was likely bubbling up in her for a long while before it finally came to the surface. She tried to put on a front and act like everything was fine when it wasn't. I'd guess that there could be someone else involved also, as hard as that is to hear. These things don't happen out of the blue, whatever the reason is.

[SoThatHappened]

In my experience, no. Feelings don't change that fast. This was likely bubbling up in her for a long while before it finally came to the surface. She tried to put on a front and act like everything was fine when it wasn't. I'd guess that there could be someone else involved also, as hard as that is to hear. These things don't happen out of the blue, whatever the reason is.

Completely agree. Unless the person is mentally unstable or has a disorder, feelings don't just change on a dime.

 

My ex met someone about 3 weeks before we broke up. The things she said, texted, emailed, etc. were over the top. Said she wanted to marry me, have kids, had her 2 year old daughter calling me "daddy".

 

Then, one day after work she hopped on the back of a coworker's motorcycle. She asked me for permission to go on "a bike ride" with her coworkers. I thought it was mountain bikes, so of course I had no problem. I'm not a jealous controlling person. Turns out, she developed "feelings" for him because he was flirting with her at work and had a motorcycle.

 

There's always someone else. If you were the only person on the face of the earth, they wouldn't leave you. They think the grass is greener. And usually, it's not.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

While the partners in these situations may be dishonest, I don't think it's always a conscious kind of deception; they are probably lying to themselves too. It's very difficult to look at your long-term partner and realize you aren't actually happy, so people fall into patterns of denial.

 

To the genuinely satisfied partner, it may seem like a change coming out of the blue. But sometimes they are aware that something is wrong and they go into denial too. They tell themselves that all serious relationships have problems, that he/she is just going through a phase, that it's completely normal. Meanwhile the other partner is telling himself that he's happy, he has everything he wants and it's better than being single, that he just needs to get over it.

 

As mightycpa said, the originally unhappy partner is already going through the mental stages of a break-up. He checks out emotionally. He detaches. He puts of a facade of an interested partner but is thinking about his life post-relationship. This process may last for weeks, months or even years until some external trigger---a death in the family, an exciting job hundreds of miles away, or a super-cute barista with dimples---finally gives him the push to end things for real.

 

I have mixed feelings about this. I went through something similar with a boyfriend at the time; I was in denial for only two weeks, but it was still something I'd never intended to do. I genuinely thought I was just being a flake and it seemed wrong to end an otherwise great relationship because I felt a teeny little bit uncomfortable. The truth is that I should have ended it the first time I recognized my feelings weren't where they should be, but we like to believe we can change.

 

Of course, some people refuse to be single at any time and they maintain relationships until they're certain that they have someone else waiting for them and then they jump ship. That's cowardly, crappy, and manipulative if not outright cheating. Boo.

[Tbisb74]

She said those things to try to convince herself she meant them, not you. She was trying desperately to find some hidden vestige of feelings, and failed miserably. She bailed out long ago; she just didn't want to admit it, to either you or herself.

[mrty]

Hey all.

 

So I posted on here a short time ago about my girlfriend of 3 1/2 years dumping me out of the blue. I was really baffled at the time because she was telling me right up till the end that she loved me so much wanted to be together forever bla bla bla. Anyway in a lot of replies I received the same scenario kept raising its head and that was that there was another guy in the picture. Well today 5 months after having my world collapse in around me I found out that indeed there was and they're still together.

This came like a bolt from the blue and has really shook my confidence all over again. I was doing well but now this is such a knock I really feel like **** again

wtf I clearly still love this girl. Now i just feel like **** and ah **** it.

[mightycpa]

I'm going to say that you don't love her. Your heart is shocked by her betrayal, and you feel horrible, with this extremely strong sense of longing. That is just you trying to recapture what you lost. I guarantee you never felt like this when you left he for a couple of days when you were together. That's not love.

 

Try to remember what being in love felt like. It is not what you're feeling now. Right now, you're probably feeling like a "Matildaholic", going through withdrawals.

 

Ride it out, do the time. You'll emerge on the other end, stronger, wiser, free.

[No Limit]

I think your pride has taken a big hit. Just brush the dust off, there are women out there who don't stab you in the back.