This is my apology letter. What is your ?

[SoThatHappened]

I say go for it.

 

I'm NOT doing what you want to do for other reasons (I was the dumper and I want to apologize). I've been hating that I haven't apologized everyday, but I don't want to hurt her, so I'm not doing it.

 

You, on the other hand, are making a last-ditch effort to win the love of your life back. I say do it.

 

However, as with anything, you need to read the fine print.

 

You may get hurt more by doing what you want to do. It's an evaluation of risk vs. reward.

 

You may send it and get nothing, a cold response, or a "leave me alone!"

 

You may send it and have her running back to you.

 

If you don't send it, you may regret for a long time.

 

I'm always for the dumpee putting their heart out there. If they get rejected and hurt even further, at least they don't regret it and they can finally move on.

 

Just be honest in the letter... brutally honest. Let us read it before sending it, but be honest. It will show.

[Simon Phoenix]

Everyone wants to follow their heart. But unfortunately, hearts have s--t for brains. You need to decompress and get your head straight, not send some clumsy, ham-handed letter that will not only push her further away, but basically open yourself up to pain and anguish.

 

You say you want to fight for her. Well, your method of fighting right now is like the drunk in the alley -- you're stumbling around and throwing wild punches that have no hope of connecting. You're better off approaching your fight like an army general -- taking months to amass troops and fortify your defenses before even thinking about a forward strike. During that time, you might decide that you'd rather invade another country.

 

But "following your heart" and writing a letter right now is basically walking into guaranteed destruction. Don't be that guy.

[sly_fly1]

Everyone wants to follow their heart. But unfortunately, hearts have s--t for brains. You need to decompress and get your head straight, not send some clumsy, ham-handed letter that will not only push her further away, but basically open yourself up to pain and anguish.

 

You say you want to fight for her. Well, your method of fighting right now is like the drunk in the alley -- you're stumbling around and throwing wild punches that have no hope of connecting. You're better off approaching your fight like an army general -- taking months to amass troops and fortify your defenses before even thinking about a forward strike. During that time, you might decide that you'd rather invade another country.

 

But "following your heart" and writing a letter right now is basically walking into guaranteed destruction. Don't be that guy.

 

yup totally agree. like i said, i got my gf back, but i did it the hard way and went through hell. rote her letters, huge emails. i was like a dog when she whisled id come running, terrible terrible. she threw me so many bread crumbs i swear i probably have a tumor now.

 

it wasnt until i truly disappeared for good. thats when she came running back. i probably could have done it in the first place and skipped most of the heart ache and games, but i was weak and i just wanted my gf back.

 

``stay strong, move along, she realize she was wrong once you are gone''

[BC1980]

I am willing to take advice but unless someone has some solid proof of how I can get her back I will follow my own path in the end. If she rejects me then I have closure and it will be much easier to move on, but I know this girl more than anyone and I know what I've done wrong.

 

No one can give you "solid proof" in matters of the heart, but, generally speaking, she would have to believe she has truly lost you for her to even begin to make the decision to come back. So you can't send the letter, and you need to disappear. It's a long shot, and I don't recommend game playing, but it's about the only chance you have.

 

Here's something you can take to the bank. When people leave you, they are utterly done, and they rarely come back. She is emotionally spent with you, and the last thing she would welcome is a letter from you. Your best bet is to move on, and it's going to be hard either way. If anything, it will be more difficult to move on if you do something foolish to try to win her back. Don't make this more protracted and painful than it already is. Closure happens when you give yourself permission to move on, not when she gives you permission.

[Requiem4Dreams]

No one can give you "solid proof" in matters of the heart, but, generally speaking, she would have to believe she has truly lost you for her to even begin to make the decision to come back. So you can't send the letter, and you need to disappear. It's a long shot, and I don't recommend game playing, but it's about the only chance you have.

 

Here's something you can take to the bank. When people leave you, they are utterly done, and they rarely come back. She is emotionally spent with you, and the last thing she would welcome is a letter from you. Your best bet is to move on.

 

Everyone who has sent e-mails or letters have always eventually come round to realize they don't do anything. I suppose you're going to have to learn that on your own however. We've all done it, and the better part of those who have failed.

 

By doing this you show a needy/clinginess that turns off any woman.

 

As BC said, her emotional connection to you is gone, and she is done. Further communication with her is going to make her resent you, and only accomplish either pissing her off, or having her pity you. Both of which you never want a woman to experience when it comes to your impression.

[mtnbiker3000]

Read my sig below. This is good place to start. I, like you, used my BU as an eye-opener into my own behaviors, patterns and, well... life.

 

You may not like what you discover, but at least you can then start to improve upon it. As usual, I recommend one book. It's short, to the point and can be very beneficial: "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover.

 

Best of luck!!!

 

PS - The letter is a terrible idea. It will only cause more pain and confusion!!

[guest569]

We all want to be romantic and fight for our love, but i think it is just denial. It's too unbearable to face so we will try anything. Trust me i am 8 months into the breakup and i still cant accept that it is over. I said similar things to you, pretty much blame myself for the breakup and said i would change etc. but that is unfair on you and I think if you dwell too much on that it will destroy your confidence for quite some time.

 

I am not sure what you have to be so apologetic for. Apologizing for the way you reacted to the breakup is obviously not going to get her back. I agree with BC1980, you don't need to apologise for it. And as for changing yourself, if she wanted you to change she would have probably spoke up about it during the relationship.

 

I would recommend delaying this letter as much as possible if not avoid it completely, as your feelings will most likely change a lot over the next few weeks and months and you will think of more things you want to tell her. In the meantime you're anxiously awaiting her response and if she replies it might cause more damage and heartache.

[Sugarkane]

Why should you apologize? Your not the one who ended it!