jellybean Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 I need some advice from you guys....(alpha, you out there?)...or anyone else, please.? I am just not ready to date yet, even tho the breakup occurred months ago. I've been very busy working on MYSELF. I'm trying to get my personal life together, professionally I'm doing fine but I'm still a little emotionally shakey. I really just need this time for ME...(co-dependency was one of the disorders my doctor labelled me as having). I want to be selfish right now, I want to only think about me, my goals, and my future. I don't have a desire to become involved with any man - at this point in time. What should I be saying to guys who are asking me out? When I say "I'm sorry I'm busy", or when I avoid returning their calls - I'm pretty sure they are thinking that's a total crap line. But it's the TRUTH...I'm still trying to recover from a bad relationship, I want to continue to grow as a person, I want to learn from any past mistakes, and I want to rid myself of any old baggage before getting to know someone new. And then there was last night...gawd, I suck soooo bad. I actually stood the guy up! I really LIKE men - but I just can not do it right now. What should I say to guy so he'll understand, and not think I'm just feeding him a bunch a BS?
laRubiaBonita Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 tell him the whole sob story over the phone.... betcha he will never call back!
axle_boy Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 First off I would not give out your number if you do not have any interest with them. Second of all, I would tell them that you are not ready for any type of boyfriend right now and you do not want to date because you need to get most of your life in order. They probably will not believe you but that is the honest truth that you are giving out and if they don't repect the truth then that it is fine. Good luck.
Linlin Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 Yup, Don't give out your number if you don't want them to call. Also I would just tell them that you just broke up with someone and aren't ready to date right now. Tell them nicely and tell them you appreciate them asking (if you really do), but it just isn't a good time right now. If they don't believe you there is not much you can do about it.
debs Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 Jellybean I understand and I agree until YOU are ready don't date! Being emotionally healthy is what you are seeking and I say BRAVO! Why jump into a relationship when emotional baggage is hindering your thoughts? If the suitors cannot accept your reasonings then so be it! Their loss! I can relate with your reasonings! Best to be stable then emotionally labile!
Pocky Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 Just tell them you're recovering from bad relationship and they'll graciously leave you alone. Any signs of baggage and people generally run.
alphamale Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 Originally posted by jellybean What should I say to guy so he'll understand, and not think I'm just feeding him a bunch a BS? just tell them the truth. the timing is bad rite now cause you are trying to heal emotionally and spend time on yourself and just cannot get involved with anyone cause you would not be into it 100%. Most likely they will still think it is a blowoff or BS but you will feel OK cause YOU know YOU told them the truth. The other option is to just vaguely say that you are "involved" right now. You don't need to elaborate or give details on anything. And you are involved....with yourself, so you are really not lying.
Mz. Pixie Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 Don't give them your number but you could say, "I'm sorry, I'm just taking a break right now from dating for personal reasons"
Strike3 Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 I have expereinced what you are going through from both sides of the spectrum. After I broke up with my girl I had several girls ask ME out, but I just wasn't ready. We would set up a casual date, like going to a football game or something, but I would bail at the last second because I knew I just couldn't do it at the time. I very casually dated a few girls, but once I started to feel anything at all I backed out and cut off contact. Now that I have completely gotten over her and have moved on, the girl that I'm kind of dating now is going through the same thing. After seeing her for about three weeks we finally talked about stuff and she said that she had just gotten out of a horrible relationship two months ago and simply could not get into another one. She said things like, I don't even know who I am anymore, and I need to find myself. I respect her decision and am going to back off big time because I know EXACTLY what she is going through right now. Be selfish for a while, find out who you really are, heal from your break up, then get out there and find yourself a good man.
alphamale Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 I would also like to state another observation of mine on this subject: When one is just outta a relationship and still "emotionally unavailable" it is much easier to meet and talk with other people and not come off as desperate cause you really are not looking for anything or anyone. Some people pick up on this aloofness and all of a sudden become interested in you. So JELLYBEAN, maybe you are getting a lot of interest from men right now cause you are in a certain frame of mind or attitude. Funny and ironic thing is that once someone becomes "emotionally available" and is ready to meet people then the right people don't come along anymore, or rarely. It is sorta like the scenario where when you are attached to someone then others find you more attractive cause you are unavailable and therefore more valuable.
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