My boyfriend still has a Match.com profile?!

[smackie9]

I can see how people take advantage of OLD, that's why I truly believe going out and actually meeting people first hand would eliminate a large portion of the jerks. You can't possibly really see how the person is with photos and a profile. That's why there are a lot of first dates and min 2nd dates. How discouraging OLD can be.

[kpr0411]

Okay - I think it's fair to ask the OP if, apart from this thing with his online profile, you ever had any other inkling that something might be up?

 

AT three months of dating, it's pretty typical for intimacy to be growing, for you to be spending a lot of time together, for the two of you to be meeting eachother's friends and looking ahead to shared events. If you are exclusive, as you have discussed.

 

So - is all that happening?

 

Cause if it is, and you have no other reason to raise your suspicion or fears, then I would say give it some time and let things play out. It's very new, who knows where it will go, but given the thing with the email and Match showing people as online, it's not an open and shut case.

 

(I will say however, that Gaeta I think it was, who pointed out an important thing: even if he is "only" opening emails from winking ladies, he's still checking them out. He's still curious. Is it a deal breaker? Dunno. But it's not to be ignored entirely. )

 

I haven't really had any reason to suspect he is up to something behind my back. We try to meet up as much as possible each week. Sometimes we can't meet up as much as we'd like (he says he is okay with this) because my work schedule often includes Fridays and/or Saturdays and I like to spend as much time with my child on my days off since she is with her father on the days that I work. However, we do plan fun outings when we are both free.

 

It seems like most people on this thread think I handled the situation poorly because I believe his "BS excuse". I'm not going to sit here and defend him but at least he owned up to having a profile. He isn't a low-life dirtbag (he is quite smart, has a good-paying job, volunteers at a Boys and Girls club once a week, and has sent me flowers at work). Plus at 36, I feel like he wouldn't be into cheating or lying but maybe he is going out of his way to be super nice and perfect to me so I overlook the possibility of him potentially sneaking around.

 

NOTE: the previous statements were not me defending him, just simply stating facts to help shed light on the kind of person he is.

 

I'm not totally letting this slide though, I'm obviously going to check if there are any additional profiles and make sure the one I found is down. If anything suspicious comes up again I can always make a fake profile (or just check his phone/email) and go down that road but I'd rather use that as a last resort. Going forward, I am definitely not letting my guard down after this but I think to dump him over the profile situation would be a bit extreme unless something else pops up.

Edited August 31, 2014 by kpr0411

[dumbass2]

I haven't really had any reason to suspect he is up to something behind my back. We try to meet up as much as possible each week. Sometimes we can't meet up as much as we'd like (he says he is okay with this) because my work schedule often includes Fridays and/or Saturdays and I like to spend as much time with my child on my days off since she is with her father on the days that I work. However, we do plan fun outings when we are both free.

 

It seems like most people on this thread think I handled the situation poorly because I believe his "BS excuse". I'm not going to sit here and defend him but at least he owned up to having a profile. He isn't a low-life dirtbag (he is quite smart, has a good-paying job, volunteers at a Boys and Girls club once a week, and has sent me flowers at work). Plus at 36, I feel like he wouldn't be into cheating or lying but maybe he is going out of his way to be super nice and perfect to me so I overlook the possibility of him potentially sneaking around.

 

NOTE: the previous statements were not me defending him, just simply stating facts to help shed light on the kind of person he is.

 

I'm not totally letting this slide though, I'm obviously going to check if there are any additional profiles and make sure the one I found is down. If anything suspicious comes up again I can always make a fake profile (or just check his phone/email) and go down that road but I'd rather use that as a last resort. Going forward, I am definitely not letting my guard down after this but I think to dump him over the profile situation would be a bit extreme unless something else pops up.

 

I still suggest, if it's something that is really going to bug you and you are exclusive and he is serious, that you ask him to show you that he removes his pictures and written profile and then hide it. You don't have to see everything he has on there, just have him show you when it is cleared off (also deletes all contacts and emails) and then have him show you that he hits the "hidden" button. This will give you a little better feeling going forward. Someone can hide their profile and unhide it very easily if they want, but if you have him remove everything, then to me, that says he is more serious about it and is respecting your feelings about it. He doesn't need to be looking on there if he is really into you.

[SJC2008]

I was on a date with a woman I met on Match and at dinner we pulled up our profiles on our phones. She was joking with me and said I'm gonna look and seebif that'sbin your profile. We'll she logged in before me and it said I was "online now". I showed her I hadn't logged in yey, maybe it takes a few hours to catch.

 

That being said, I don't beleive him. He beleived he took his profile down? Men take their profiles down for two reasons. They gave up or are done looking, there's no in between 'I thought I did'. I don't care how nice he is, keep checking until you're sure he's not on their any more.

[alina22]

Thanks for this post..yes you are right..i agree with you.

 

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