willduggan Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 ok let me lay out my story, a few days after newyears my girlfriend of a year and a half dumped me, over the several months before that we had argued and fought a lot and il admit i wasnt exactly the most caring person. so after the breakup she told me she wanted to start over as friends and then go from there, i thought hey this is great i get another shot. so i go to a councilor who helps me get on top of my anger issues and helps me to see the mistakes i made, i give her personalized gifts(artwork that i drew and poetry) we do some things together like go to lunch or go skating or the casino. but im always pretty down which.. i hope didnt ruin things. a few weeks after i get the feeling shes dating her ex(which she is now) i try really hard not to let it get to me but it sure makes me feel like she doesnt want to try again. so after all this time i really am lost, i dont know what im supposed to do, or if theres even a chance for me anymore. is 2 months after the fact too late? i finally found this site and read several tips, is it too late for no contact, is it too late for me to do any good? i feel like after reading all of this i might have just made things worse by giving her gifts, saying all the right things, asking for her forgiveness. what do you think? i know that i love her and that i feel like my heart keeps me going like... somehow shes going to see im open and will come back to me but.. shes dating someone and that makes it really hard on me. so i need advice. do i keep contacting her, letting her know how i feel, how im doing, or do i just stop. anyone had something like this happen to them?
laRubiaBonita Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 Look at the Bright Side .... she re-dates exes!
Author willduggan Posted March 2, 2005 Author Posted March 2, 2005 heh in a way that makes sense but... i still dont know what im supposed to do... i feel like hes the one getting the second chance, like hes doing all the right things and that he gets to be with her and that im just making things hurt for a longer time for myself if im just barking up the wrong tree... i miss her like crazy and find myself waking up at odd times of the night and being exhausted all day. its hard to think of anything else and i dont even know if theres a chance for me! (and yes ive asked her how she feels.... she says the "well what do you think" and i say i honestly dont know so.... frustration!)
_Saffy_ Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 i am working on a little theory here will........humour me a little while...... what was the relationship like between your ex and her ex before they got back together?
LucreziaBorgia Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 shes dating someone This is her reaction to all of your progress, and your wishes for your relationship with her. That is what she thinks: that despite what you are offering, she prefers to be with her ex. She said she wanted to 'start over as friends'. That doesn't necessarily mean - 'start over as friends so we can date again'. I have a feeling you paid attention more to the 'start over' part and not enough attention to the 'friends' part. You went into this 'friendship' with the understanding and hope that you were going to date her again, not that you would be well.. 'just friends'. Very, very unfortunate mistake. It is all too easy to think that just by being your best, by being caring and loving and giving - that any person in their right mind wouldn't turn that down. The part that people don't consider is that what you think is best for the person is not what they think is best for themselves. You can give and give and give, but you can't control what the other person will do with all you are giving. The best thing you can do for yourself (and her) at this point is to be honest with her. Let her know that you went into the 'friendship' with the intention of getting back together. Let her know that your heart cannot be 'just friends', and break off contact with her. It won't be easy, and hopefully your therapist will help you get through this.
Author willduggan Posted March 2, 2005 Author Posted March 2, 2005 to the best of my knowledge absolutely nothing. i think that once this school semester started they went to the same school or something like that. im not entirely sure because well.. this is all based off of what shes told me. during our relationship i dont think they ever talked but... i dont think i want to just wait for a year and hope for the best like that... i dont want to just dissapear and hope and pray she will come find me... i dunno.
Author willduggan Posted March 2, 2005 Author Posted March 2, 2005 your right... i need to make things clear and just break off contact... it sure is hard though... i can barely go a whole day without running to the computer hoping shes online...ugh
_Saffy_ Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 well to be honest i cant see what else you can do........its impossible to force someone to come back if they dont want to, there are so many threads in this section where people have tried every possible way to get them back.........from no contact at all, to being friends to making a huge effort to show them how much they care. none of them have guaranteed results. for now she is with someone else, and after telling her how you feel (im assuming you have) she has chosen to take this route. what i suggest is that now you go full no contact, take time out to be yourself, learn about yourself, and become a better person FOR YOURSELF, and hopefully one day you will find yourself with someone that appreciates that.
Author willduggan Posted March 2, 2005 Author Posted March 2, 2005 your both right.. and thankyou.. i guess the full no contact is the way to go... ive already taken down all the pictures, put them asside so i cant see them... i think its mostly the memory that makes it hard... because i can hide all the stuff but i cant stop remembering all the good times we had and thats just.. really hard to handle. but thanks for the advice il try the no contact and... well with a little luck either things will improve or.. someone will come around who likes me for me...blah hurting sucks.
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