CDRdelta Posted August 28, 2014 Posted August 28, 2014 (edited) I have documented my recent breakup with my longtime girlfriend of 4 years. To nutshell: I found out by accident she wanted to end things but she led me on while she decided how to do it, even going so far as to keep saying 'I love you' and making future plans. It's only been a few weeks but since I lost my home and job because of the breakup, I've had a lot of time to think. She doesn't deserve my time (mental or not) because she's made it quite clear that she has no more feelings for me anymore, though it took a bit for her to admit that properly. I see now that I was quite foolish to try and persuade her we could work, because she'll never change. The major problems were always her working so much and planning trips abroad by herself as rewards for getting through University 'goals'. I could just about handle her working schedule but when challenging her about taking one day off a month for the sake of us, she said it was for paying for University/Rent/etc, but if that were true why was she booking holidays and paying for stuff she didn't use? (NOTE: I'm quite sure she wasn't cheating as she has been hurt in the past by it, so I'd prefer if that topic was avoided, please!) She was also hiding a lot of personal problems, specifically about me, so if she was annoyed at me she'd vent to friends and then not bother talking to me. Normally that isn't a problem as you get over them and maybe don't want to start an argument, but every argument we ever had she guilt tripped me into feeling as if it was my fault by bringing up old feelings. I'm not perfect and I have made silly mistakes (nothing bad like cheating or stealing), but they've been because of personal problems and I always made it clear she wasn't to blame or that I felt genuine remorse. In hindsight she was suffering from her own problems and chose to hide them from me. It took me far too long to realise that she simply doesn't care. No matter what I say or how logical my communication is with her (I said we could do counselling for example) she'll just ignore them. It's hard to accept that a person you love has changed for the worse. She's not the woman I fell in love with and I understand people change, but how can you continue to say 'I love you' to a partner if they don't mean it? To give context her actual words (to a friend) were 'I've emotionally checked out of this relationship.' It's to be expected but I can't help but still love her despite everything she's done. So now I'm rebuilding my life by looking for a new job and have a more positive outlook on things. Most of this has been rambling but hopefully I've shown some progress. Considering a few weeks ago I was nothing but a doormat and desperately wanted her back. Sorry if I rambled and you didn't get much from it, but I feel as if I've began the 'moving on' phase. Edited August 28, 2014 by CDRdelta
Lingo1 Posted August 28, 2014 Posted August 28, 2014 Hi man i am sorry for you losing your job and stuff over this it sound like me really didnt want any of this to happne because u really loved her and stuff,but in the end u kind of had hope things would change and u could possible fix things.I suppose to read this thread i made THREAD:http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/491355-need-coping-your-breakup-read I hope u have started NC because u need to heal from this physically and mentally this is the only way to start u have to release your mind from negativity in ur mind ur saying u miss her and want her back ,but in reality she may just have moved on , and i know it hurts the fact that she may be even cuddling, or loving someone else but u can't be sadden but this because she happy while ur over here breaking down, sad, depressed , and missing her while she may not even be thinking about u first step i would advice is concentrate on u,ur family, and friend these 3 things will help u through this trust me i never though i would get over my ex its only 2 months and i am happy really happy sure i think about her ,but at the end of the day i cant suffer because God has a purpose for everyone and the struggle will only make u stronger
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