Barbara28 Posted August 28, 2014 Posted August 28, 2014 Did I make the right decision? Could i have fought for him more? I was with my recent ex 4 years ago, he was extremely physically abusive and also a cheater. I ended it. 4 years later, he came back begging me to give him another chance, so I did. Everything was great until about 4 months in. He would constantly talk about children with me (I'm 19 and he's 23) but I wasn't 100% committed to it yet because I was still working on trusting him again and he knew that, he said he was OK with it. About 4 months in he became quite distant and cold towards me, he lost his licence so I would drive him everywhere, to work, dinner etc. I spent every night in his room while he played games and I sat there. He hardly seemed interested in most things I would say and everything he would talk about was gaming. A friend ended up messaging me that he had seen his ex. I asked him and he got mad and denied it, I then asked to see his messages and just as I asked a message popped up from her, asking if they will hangout again. I left that night, he asked to see me so we would talk about it, he said it was nothing yet he had to lie to me about it and delete all messages that were sent. He blocked her on Facebook so I would have peace of mind. A month later things were still the same, i was lonely and sad all the time, he just was zoo different and it made me miserable that i could be next to this guy everyday but feel so alone and unloved. I was deeply depressed by this and to make things worse i kept seeing status updates from this ex that clearly were about him which i kept blocking out, but one stood out; it was saying that he had said to her that 'they're meant to be', so he said that to her when we were together, i was devastated because i knew deep down he would of said that to her. I broke up with him not because of that but because i was so miserable with him i thought i had no other option. He didnt try as hard this time to get me back, but i missed him soo much and was weak and messaged him and we got back together again. Now this time was the last... 2 weeks later his phone went of with a message from her on Facebook, he deleted it right in front of me.. and said he accidentally deleted it, so I broke up with him that night, so he obviously unblocked her for a reason. He didn't fight for me at all, and a week later he's back with her. I am completely and utterly devastated a month and a half on still, i miss him like absolute crazy and am constantly having suicidal thoughts. I feel like i failed the relationship, that i should of given him more chances and that i didnt leave for a good enough reason? Please help me see this clearer, i am struggling beyond words. He didnt hit me this time, at all, just to clear that up.
OffRail Posted August 28, 2014 Posted August 28, 2014 Did I make the right decision? Could i have fought for him more? I was with my recent ex 4 years ago, he was extremely physically abusive and also a cheater. I ended it. 4 years later, he came back begging me to give him another chance, so I did. Everything was great until about 4 months in. He would constantly talk about children with me (I'm 19 and he's 23) but I wasn't 100% committed to it yet because I was still working on trusting him again and he knew that, he said he was OK with it. About 4 months in he became quite distant and cold towards me, he lost his licence so I would drive him everywhere, to work, dinner etc. I spent every night in his room while he played games and I sat there. He hardly seemed interested in most things I would say and everything he would talk about was gaming. A friend ended up messaging me that he had seen his ex. I asked him and he got mad and denied it, I then asked to see his messages and just as I asked a message popped up from her, asking if they will hangout again. I left that night, he asked to see me so we would talk about it, he said it was nothing yet he had to lie to me about it and delete all messages that were sent. He blocked her on Facebook so I would have peace of mind. A month later things were still the same, i was lonely and sad all the time, he just was zoo different and it made me miserable that i could be next to this guy everyday but feel so alone and unloved. I was deeply depressed by this and to make things worse i kept seeing status updates from this ex that clearly were about him which i kept blocking out, but one stood out; it was saying that he had said to her that 'they're meant to be', so he said that to her when we were together, i was devastated because i knew deep down he would of said that to her. I broke up with him not because of that but because i was so miserable with him i thought i had no other option. He didnt try as hard this time to get me back, but i missed him soo much and was weak and messaged him and we got back together again. Now this time was the last... 2 weeks later his phone went of with a message from her on Facebook, he deleted it right in front of me.. and said he accidentally deleted it, so I broke up with him that night, so he obviously unblocked her for a reason. He didn't fight for me at all, and a week later he's back with her. I am completely and utterly devastated a month and a half on still, i miss him like absolute crazy and am constantly having suicidal thoughts. I feel like i failed the relationship, that i should of given him more chances and that i didnt leave for a good enough reason? Please help me see this clearer, i am struggling beyond words. He didnt hit me this time, at all, just to clear that up. Please seek help for your depression, especially for the thoughts about suicide. You are 19 years old, 19. This guy is not worth giving up your life for. He was obviously carrying along with the BOTH of you at the same time. Does that sound like a keeper to you ? And, I am very concerned over your statement that "he didn't you AT ALL this time". Please understand that it is not a favour to you that he didn't hit you, and he does not get any brownie points for not physically assaulting you. Please, for your own sake, get help. Your thinking is all messed up and you are not in the right state of mind to think about relationships or the future now. Right now, you need to work on yourself and your mental and emotional well being. Are your parents around and supportive ? Please stay away from this guy and get help.
Magnet Posted August 28, 2014 Posted August 28, 2014 First of all, congratulations for having the guts to leave. I really really admire you for that. Just really well done. Secondly, you've given more than enough really really good reason to leave - He lied to you about his relations with his ex - You were feeling really miserable and distant - He didn't fight for you and is back with her?!! - He turned up asking for you back and you gave it your best shot he didnt The fact you are feeling like this just shows you are human and you want the best of things. You didn't fail the relationship, you saved yourself by leaving. It hurts like hell and you are depressed but focus on yourself, cut this guy out of your life, give yourself a pat on the back and keep the lessons stored away, do small steps to reward and look after yourself. You are special!
Recommended Posts