theexfiance Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 Met a girl, started getting to know her...turns out she has a boyfriend (she had plenty of opportunities to tell me this, but didn't). Just my luck. Thing is...she's into me. She holds my hand, cuddles with me, talks like this other thing is over, but isn't ending it (it's been a week of "talking", not very long, and I've known her 3 weeks total). We talked last night and both agreed that this isn't us and that what was happening didn't line up with our values. We agreed that we should stay away from each other until she sorts out how she feels. So we're not talking after meeting up last night. I'm wayyy fuc*ing confused. Last night felt really organic and we both seem legitimately happy with each other when we're together, but her uncertainty about what to do is killing me. I've got no ulterior motives. I legitimately care for her and am doing everything I can to respect how she feels. I just want a chance to win her heart honestly. Although we got close, nothing happened between us, not even a kiss. What should I do here? Is it even realistic to think that a healthy relationship could develop beyond this? Or should I just not get any more emotionally invested and forget about her? Help please
WhatYouWantToHear Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 What should I do here? Move on. She's a manipulative, selfish person.
d0nnivain Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 You should stay away. She has questionable morals . . . taking up with you & not initially disclosing that she has a BF. If she cheats with you, she will cheat on you. Who needs that? 1
Author theexfiance Posted August 27, 2014 Author Posted August 27, 2014 Under normal circumstances, I'd agree with you. The thing is she says that it's been so off for so long that she's not even sure if they're together anymore. Again...she didn't actually do anything with me. I'll give you the bit about emotional cheating, but I felt sort of harsh judging her for this. We both felt the connection and as far as the cheating spectrum goes...if it's over it's over. I just don't know what to do.
d0nnivain Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 her saying they are off & actually breaking it off are two different things. If her BF thinks they are still together, doesn't that maker her inherently dishonest? 1
OwMyEyeball Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 Are they in a serious, exclusive relationship?
Author theexfiance Posted August 27, 2014 Author Posted August 27, 2014 her saying they are off & actually breaking it off are two different things. If her BF thinks they are still together, doesn't that maker her inherently dishonest? I agree...which is why I stopped talking to her after last night. Like I said, we both agreed that this was wrong. She told me that she needed time to sort out how she feels and make a decision. I'm coming out of a huge mess and I can completely understand being in an emotionally ambiguous place. She was certainly dishonest and she apologized like crazy for it. She said that she just really didn't know where the two of them were at and instantly felt so connected to me that she didn't want to miss out on the opportunity to get to know each other. She says she didn't plan it...and I'm inclined to believe her, since I initiated pretty much all of it (she reciprocated obviously, but very slowly and in a genuine way). She was hanging back and being passive. She's guilty of not telling me about the other guy right away, but she did tell me... I know typically this stuff is really black and white. For me it always has been. I guess I'm just hopeful that this thing will break off sometime in the near future, but I'm not holding my breath or holding her hand through it. I just think that it's fair to give her time to think. Does that make any sense? Are they in a serious, exclusive relationship? I'm not sure. By the sound of it, it's been on and off for a while. They're not married, engaged, etc. and they don't live together.
Georgia2014 Posted August 28, 2014 Posted August 28, 2014 (edited) Move on. She's a manipulative, selfish person. I agree. She is playing you. Why would you want her knowing she cheated on her boyfriend with you? How do you know she wouldn't cheat on you? She isn't going to leave her boyfriend. She doesn't care about you if she did she would have told you about her boyfriend & left him for you. She wouldn't need time to think. If I was dating someone I would know after the first date if I liked him or not. I wouldn't need time to think. She is selfish she just wants you to feed her ego. Edited August 28, 2014 by Georgia2014
mightycpa Posted August 28, 2014 Posted August 28, 2014 Sometimes, you have to win a woman away from the guy she's with. That's just the way it is. If she's going to pull that trigger, she needs to do it fast and honestly with him. I think your situation is reasonably normal and not necessarily indicative of her morals. How long she dithers while she sees both of you is a better indicator.
Woop1337 Posted August 28, 2014 Posted August 28, 2014 So what happened to your self control? You didn't stop yourself from talking to this girl? Y'all just went with the flow and lived in the moment, right? She felt bad but not bad enough to break up with her boyfriend right then and there. Alright, I hear you, nothing physical happened. Just don't pursue women who have boyfriends.
Fondue Posted August 28, 2014 Posted August 28, 2014 You are being used. She's not interested in you. You just fill a void that her boyfriend doesn't fill. Maybe he's not emotionally intimate enough. Maybe he's not "physically" good en ough. Maybe he doesn't cuddle her enough. Whatever. She's using you to get what she wants. THat's why she doesn't break it off with her man. Because "otherwise" he's good. You want to know the real truth? He probably juts **** **** out of her but doesn't provide her any emotional connection. So she is USING you for that, while he gets to shag her relentlessly. So when you're done "hanging" out with her, she walks her to her bf's and jumps his junk. tHe works even less for still getting to bang her. Them: both win, you: lose twice.
OwMyEyeball Posted August 28, 2014 Posted August 28, 2014 How does she not know her relationship status? This feels like a "damsel in distress / hero to the rescue" situation. Don't expect a LTR to blossom from that.
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