Bloated Ego

[Crila16]

This is actually a non romantic related post. I actually already posted last week about my now ex, dumping me, so I'm currently nursing a broken heart.

 

So...about a year ago when I was single, and a single guy from our company's London office came to work in NYC for a week (He actually had just had a girlfriend break up with him, and had a broken heart). He and I got drunk while he was here, and we hooked up. We didn't have sex, but he stayed over and we fooled around. Nothing too major.

 

Anyway...after that we became just friends, because I wasn't interested romantically, and he was still in love with this other girl. Turns out...the other girl ended up being a friend of mine at work in the London office. I have to work closely with this girl. I knew there was a guy she broke up with, but she never mentioned he worked with us. Boy was I angry that he omitted that part, when he knew she and I were friends.

 

Well...he was broken hearted, so I ended up giving him advice. He would call me late at night, I would write the emails to her for him. He would call me or txt me constantly looking for advice. He said because of me, they got back together, are now in love...all because of my advice. I went to visit her a few months back, and even convinced her that she found a great guy, so don't screw it up.

 

He's here this week working, and I just got dumped by my boyfriend. I have tkts to a Giants pre-game, and my ex was supposed to go. He knows I have a broken heart. I have 4 tkts and 2 of my other friends are going. Since I have the xtra tkt, I said "Hey...this would be fun for you to go. Do you want to come with us?" He said "Ok".

 

The next morning on my way to work, I get a txt that basically said "Under the circumstances, I feel it would be inappropriate for me to attend with you. I'm sorry, but I can't go to the game with you....blah blah blah"

 

First off...why didn't he just wait 30 min to tell me to my face when I got in the office (he's sitting in the office right next to me)...Second...what a chicken little. I went into the office and told him I was offended by his txt, that I had absolutely not one ounce of romantic interest in him (he's actually really unattractive) and I invited him strictly as a friend. It's been 2 days, and he slowly opens the door and sneaks out past me, won't look or talk to me, won't say good morning. For what? All because I invited him to go with my friend and me to a football game???

 

Anyway...I'm absolutely furious, because I was so there for him, and he's treating me like I'm crap. He's leaving on Friday, but his bloated ego is absolutely ridiculous and unwarranted. It makes me sad that I'm now going to hate my friends boyfriend, and when she speaks about him, I'm going to hate him...and I can't even tell her why.

[Zahara]

Yes, he should have just told you when you got to the office but he probably did it because as you said he was being chicken little, or maybe he was just uncomfortable about it. Or maybe he didn't want confrontation/dialogue about it with you. In his mind he probably felt guilty that maybe it would be crossing boundaries or it would be disrespectful to his GF since you both hooked up. I don't think declining was in any way him treating you like crap or rejecting you.

 

I'm not sure why you got so upset about it. I would have just accepted his text and moved on. The most I would have done was popped my head in his office and told him that he could have just mentioned it to me when I was in and that it was no biggie. There was no need to confront and explain yourself and your stance. Your reaction probably read "emotional" to him. You came off very defensive and I don't know why from this little situation you're "hating" him. I think he is sneaking around now because he's afraid of any type of confrontation at work after your response and he's not trying to escape you because he thinks you're romantically interested in him.

 

I have to wonder that because of your broken heart, everything seems magnified and your sensitivity level is on high. Maybe your ego was even more bruised when he declined the invite seeing that you're already nursing a fractured ego from the break-up.

Edited August 27, 2014 by Zahara

[Crila16]

Thanks Zahara.

 

It was just his presumptuous email. I didn't type it in word for word, but just kinda gave the gist of it.

 

I've been there for him, and we kinda have a little pact that we'll help each other if one of us gets our hearts broken. I just got upset that something so innocent, knowing that I just got dumped, I'm heartbroken...I invited him with friends to a game...and he treats me as if I'm on the prowl for him.

 

When I confronted him about his email, I wasn't nasty...I just said I have absolutely no romantic interest, his gf is my friend and we didn't even have sex. That was over a year ago and it meant nothing. I told him I wasn't attracted to him as anything more than just a friend, and it was just a football game with other friends.

 

I know you're also right. I'm being a bit more sensitive, because I'm still brokenhearted. I do feel that this guy should man up and come talk to me and explain it better than he did. I've been sooooo there for him. Other people in the office just invited him to a Mets game tonite, and he accepted. I'm offended.

[Zahara]

It was just his presumptuous email. I didn't type it in word for word, but just kinda gave the gist of it.

 

I understand and maybe that's how he really came off from the rest of his email. I was going by those few words you provided.

 

I've been there for him, and we kinda have a little pact that we'll help each other if one of us gets our hearts broken. I just got upset that something so innocent, knowing that I just got dumped, I'm heartbroken...I invited him with friends to a game...and he treats me as if I'm on the prowl for him.

 

Well, it's tricky because you both hooked up and then you have the GF/friend who is completely oblivious about what happened between the two of you -- maybe he's creating boundaries. You made that pact at a time when you both needed someone to lean on and now that dynamic has changed. I think if he felt you were on the prowl, the last thing one would do is extend a group invitation activity? Maybe try not to take it personally?

 

When I confronted him about his email, I wasn't nasty...I just said I have absolutely no romantic interest, his gf is my friend and we didn't even have sex. That was over a year ago and it meant nothing. I told him I wasn't attracted to him as anything more than just a friend, and it was just a football game with other friends.

 

This is where I would not have brought all those details up. I would have just kept it light and moved on.

 

I know you're also right. I'm being a bit more sensitive, because I'm still brokenhearted. I do feel that this guy should man up and come talk to me and explain it better than he did. I've been sooooo there for him. Other people in the office just invited him to a Mets game tonite, and he accepted. I'm offended.

 

Yes, he should have had a conversation with you face to face. Unfortunately, we can't make other people abide by our expectations. You were there for him, Crila and you kept your end of the bargain and supported him in difficult times. And again, people may not reciprocate or extend the same courtesies. It's the nature of the beast.

 

Try not to add this to your other troubles. He probably accepted the invite because it's easier to do so with people that he only has a professional working relationship with.

[Crila16]

Thank you Zahara. You've calmed me down. I'm just bitter and feel let down by men lately. It just feels like they're always going to say no, come up with some excuse or let me down. I'm moving to a new apartment in 2 weeks, and my own brother wont even take the day off to help me.

[Zahara]

Thank you Zahara. You've calmed me down. I'm just bitter and feel let down by men lately. It just feels like they're always going to say no, come up with some excuse or let me down. I'm moving to a new apartment in 2 weeks, and my own brother wont even take the day off to help me.

 

I know exactly how you feel. In those times of pain, I've also had to go through other forms of let downs and it only magnified my already hurt feelings. And in those times I felt disappointed in men and that I would always be left hurt by them.

 

My last ending happened when I was about to move. And I had to do it all by myself. Infact, I've always had to move on my own. See if you can find friends to help you. My last move, I hired two movers and a truck. Over the weekend I made several trips moving the little stuff on my own and on the weekend had the movers do the heavy lifting.

 

I remember the movers being very nice and helping me with my car when they saw me having trouble starting it. They were about to leave but jumped out of their truck and came to assist. Pushed the car to the curb, tried to start it for me. Waited until I tested it out around the parking lot and then they left. That's when I felt that not every guy out there is going to be a jerk and leave you high and dry. There's still nice and caring people out there.

Edited August 27, 2014 by Zahara

[Crila16]

Oh wow...so you know exactly where I'm coming from. My ex was supposed to help me move too. Now I have to do it alone. I hired a truck with movers too. At least "fingers crossed" they'll show up. I'm paying them...so they better.

 

I think the whole empty promises, breakup, having to pack and move, nurse a broken heart is just so overwhelming for me. I want to cry, but I'm kind of just numb and going through the motions. My friend told me I'm bottling, but I think you're really the only person I've talked to about how I'm feeling....so thank you.

 

I will say, my dad is the only reliable man I know. Unfortunately he and my mom live in another state. My dad is a rock. Always there, always a man, always was home on time, if he says he'll call you...the phone rings at exactly that moment. My mom said it was one of the reasons she fell in love with him.

 

Hopefully one day...

[Zahara]

Oh wow...so you know exactly where I'm coming from. My ex was supposed to help me move too. Now I have to do it alone. I hired a truck with movers too. At least "fingers crossed" they'll show up. I'm paying them...so they better.

 

Oh Crila! I've had to move twice, fresh after an ending. The last one, my ex was going to help me too. The weight of ending coupled with the weight of moving was unbearable for me. I remember when I was moving the small stuff, up and down the stairs, up and down in my car from old place to new place, lifting, sweating, arms hurting -- I would be crying, sobbing as I made every trip wondering why I had to go through such pain of being let down. People staring at me wondering why I was in tears! Why was there no partner to help me, why was I alone, why did I always have to carry such heavy burdens on my own, why was this always happening to me. I know how you feel. I'd help you if I were there with you because I can understand the disappointment you feel in people.

 

The movers will show up. Call them the day before to confirm again -- time/date and address. Have your phone with you on the day of the move in case they try to contact you -- they may be lost, late or have to reschedule. I've never had them not show up.

 

I think the whole empty promises, breakup, having to pack and move, nurse a broken heart is just so overwhelming for me. I want to cry, but I'm kind of just numb and going through the motions. My friend told me I'm bottling, but I think you're really the only person I've talked to about how I'm feeling....so thank you.

 

I think what you are feeling is normal. Moving is a life changing event and when you're nursing a broken heart, it's hard to handle it all on your own.

 

I will say, my dad is the only reliable man I know. Unfortunately he and my mom live in another state. My dad is a rock. Always there, always a man, always was home on time, if he says he'll call you...the phone rings at exactly that moment. My mom said it was one of the reasons she fell in love with him.

 

There you go! Your dad is testament that there are great men out there. Yes, hopefully one day -- for both of us!

Edited August 27, 2014 by Zahara

[Crila16]

Thank you Zahara. I would help you move too if you needed me. I know the crying and moving thing. It's tough being single. All my siblings are married, and I'm the only one left (4 of us). I'm not even the youngest. My siblings judge me for being single, but I live in NYC...I'm single...I've had my heart broken more times than I can count. I'm doing it all on my own. I don't have the support system they have. I've never asked my parents for money, yet all my siblings have. I've been laid off 4 times, and survived. They've never been laid off once and had to struggle on their own to pay the bills.

 

I'm sorry you had to go through that alone...though I'll be feeling what it's like in 2 weeks. I'll be crying too. I had to move in a rush, because my landlord was selling my current place, and asked me to leave ASAP, so he could sell it quickly for the money. My whole summer was ruined looking for a place...and I'm not in love with it, plus it's more expensive. Sooo....I've been dumped and I'm moving to a more expensive, less desirable place with a broken heart.

 

...I sound so pathetic and weak. I'm really not. I've just gotta snap out of it and stop with the woes me.

[Zahara]

It's tough being single. All my siblings are married, and I'm the only one left (4 of us). I'm not even the youngest. My siblings judge me for being single, but I live in NYC...I'm single...I've had my heart broken more times than I can count. I'm doing it all on my own. I don't have the support system they have. I've never asked my parents for money, yet all my siblings have. I've been laid off 4 times, and survived. They've never been laid off once and had to struggle on their own to pay the bills.

 

It is tough being single. I know it too well. And I'm alone in this country so I don't have a support system. Everything I do, I do alone. My mother often makes remarks about why it is I "can't find a man" and constantly makes the comment, "What's wrong with you?" I let it slide because I've become numb to it. In my forties, her comments don't make me feel any better knowing that having a family and child is probably beyond my reach. I've always been the black sheep in my family. So, I'm with you.

 

I had to move in a rush, because my landlord was selling my current place, and asked me to leave ASAP, so he could sell it quickly for the money. My whole summer was ruined looking for a place...and I'm not in love with it, plus it's more expensive. Sooo....I've been dumped and I'm moving to a more expensive, less desirable place with a broken heart.

 

Yep, I had a rush move too. I had to move in a week. Found a place I didn't quite like, and like you, it maginified my negative feelings even more but I had no choice. I'm not happy where I am now but I'll live through the lease and find something else next year. It's been a few months now and it's getting better. It will for you too.

 

...I sound so pathetic and weak. I'm really not. I've just gotta snap out of it and stop with the woes me.

 

You are not weak and pathetic. You are wounded and bearing a lot of burdens. It's alright to be gentle with yourself and allow those feelings of pity come over you. But in that same token, also lift yourself up and be proud of how strong and courageous you are in facing these difficult times on your own. It's not an easy feat.

 

I have a friend that can't do anything for herself. Her husband treats her like a baby. Her family coddles her. She often says, "What would I do if I didn't have my husband or family?" I know what you and I would be able to do!