babsr Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 a couple weeks ago my bf and i got into a fight about him moving countries, and when we were going to see each other next. at the time of the fight he was super stressed about a couple other things in his life. but while we were taking he got super defensive and said "we're not getting married, you know that right?" It's not that I want to get married right now, we have only been dating for a year, and neither of us has even brought up marriage. This comment makes me feel like a plan b, a placeholder until something better comes along. It's like he saying it is ridiculous that he, or anyone else, would even consider marrying me. And the next day or so we talked about and he felt really badly and said he doesn't think of me as a placeholder and he loves me and doesn't want to be with anyone else, this comment still stings. And I am having a lot of trouble getting past it. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you get past it? Or could you?
preraph Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 Well, he's told you and you should believe him. Yes, I think you're right. You are a placeholder. Men like to get regular sex. You should cut your losses on him and move on with your life with someone who does have good intentions. Because he does not. Sorry. No one would ever say that unless they meant it and were a real bastard. 1
Zahara Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 (edited) Hurtful or not, I think he meant what he said. Getting past it is irrelevant. You need to pay attention to those words. Of course he is going to tell you that you aren't a placeholder, etc. because he will want to maintain what he has with you until he moves. There is no reason why he would want to disrupt it while he is still here with you. Edited August 27, 2014 by Zahara
Dork Vader Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 Hmm hard place to be.. Big question here... Does he not want to get married to anyone? If he doesn't want to get married to anyone. Then it's not entirely you. He also might be at a point in his life were marriage is not on his mind. But here is the problem I have with what he has said. When you meet the right person even if you do not want to get married.. It changes things in your mind. At the very least you think about spending the rest of your life with them. If that is what you want.. When you're with the right person and want to be with them. You can't get enough of them. You don't have thoughts of we are not going to get married. You start to see a future with them. Isn't the ultimate goal of a relationship/dating to eventually get married?
pteromom Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 He may not want to be with anyone else - but does he want to marry you? You still don't know the answer, and that is why you can't get over it. You may not be ready for marriage YET, but you need to know if you are wasting your time, if marriage is what you ultimately want. You need to go back to him and talk to him again. Ask him point blank whether he wants to get married, and if so what his timeline for that looks like. If he says he might want to get married in 10 years, you have to decide whether that is something you are cool with.
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