Jump to content

Faded twice on me


While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted

I started chatting with a girl from OLD who shared a lot of similar interests and goals. We exchanged a few nice, detailed messages and we seemed to be looking for the same thing in a relationship. When I suggested we communicate by phone she disappeared.

 

A month later I sent her a new message and we started chatting again. Once again we had several great messages back and forth. A few messages in I suggested texting or talking and she didn't acknowledge this in her next message. After a few more messages I finally said let's talk or text when you're ready and I left my number. The next day I received a text from her and we exchanged a few nice messages. I sent her a picture of me around 6PM and didn't hear anything. The next day I sent one more message and said I'd really enjoy talking to her but realized some people don't like talking on the phone and I asked how she felt about that. I haven't heard back in two days.

 

I'm just really tired of all the nonsense from people on OLD sites.

Posted

It's a man. Move on.

  • Like 2
Posted

That's very common with OLD. Sorry if it's bumming you out. It's also very common for OLD'ers to be bummed out about OLD! :p

 

There's nothing to read into it unless you're looking to exercise your imagination.

 

The only technique I've found so far that prevents the experience you've described is to keep the messaging phase very short before proposing a coffee date.

 

No emotional investment.

 

They're not real until they're in front of me, in the flesh.

 

The back-and-forth messaging can be a huge drain on time and patience.

Posted

On my third message I always close for a date. 1st message is the icebreaker, second is a little rapport, and the third continues the dialogue closing with an offer for a date.

 

Date 1 is usually coffee. I can pay for it without thinking about my pocket book (over the course of many first dates it can get expensive!), the girl realizes I am not there to be their personal bank account, and we can actually focus on conversation as well as finding some mutual interests and attraction.

 

Never emotionally invest before you actually meet them out on a a date, those first few contacts over messaging are solely for the purpose of securing that date. Until you meet them in person you cannot know how you will click with each other.

  • Author
Posted

I'm always skeptical if a person from OLD is actually what they portray on their profile, but when I found her on FB that helped confirm several things. So, I don't believe this person is a man lol. I typically suggest communicating by phone on my third message because I like to make that connection and make sure the person is real. Isn't it typically better to ask to meet on the phone too? I assume if someone isn't willing to speak on the phone they won't be willing to meet right? If they hate talking on the phone they can at least tell me and I'll be glad to suggest a meetup at a coffee place.

Posted

Your approaches sound better than mine, now that I think about it. I'm probably a bit too quick on the draw.

 

Anyhow, the situation with this particular person isn't worth a second more your time. There's no way of even getting a sense of why she bails. She just does.

 

Shyness? Busy? Guilt? False presentation (e.g. "she's a he" theory)? Emotional instability? Only doing online dating as a form of validation? Or a form of emotional connection lacking in her existing relationship? Or some twisted form of revenge? Generally confused? Using you as a fallback to more desirable options she's considering? Catfish-in-training?

 

I'm sure others could add to the list.

  • Like 1
Posted

Back in the old days, when I wasted my time doing OLDing, I met this guy who would never call me but he'd text and was very interested in meeting up for coffee. I thought it was so weird he wouldn't talk on the phone so I started to get the sneaky suspicion that he must sound like Kermit the frog and.....he did.

Posted (edited)

This is why OLD is such a drag and annoying. I really don't take it serious. I used to have huge back and forth conversations. They never panned out. Now.. I have 2 messages where I chat and show we have similar interests and usually on third, sometimes even 2nd, I propose a date. Talk a lot in statements.

 

If a person isn't willing to meet quickly and would rather chat for weeks... They are not for me.

 

Why waste time chatting and building something that isn't even real? The person is going to be totally different from how you think you know them online. I would rather build a real connection in person, rather than getting to know someones words.

And if they want me to chase and chase... I just stop respecting and get bored. Someone real and non-jaded will have a willingness to meet up and get to know another person... I know that, because I'm the same.

 

Some women are like "I need to trust you", "I want to feel more comfortable", "I don't meet up with strangers"... This is all code for "I play games and will essentially make you beg just to see me. And even then... Maybe." Or.. "my ex experience with OLD and dating has been terrible so now I'm going to make you suffer with me, and take on my bullsh*t, so you have to move at my speed..."

 

Takes you hours and hours to respond to texts? PEACE

Never answer your phone? PEACE

Playing too hard to get? PEACE

Make me jump through hoops? PAYCE!

 

I allowed women to put me through so much bull in dating... Not anymore. Know your worth brother. You're just as important as that girl on the pedestal who should never be there.

 

Be your own man and go after what you want in life. People will always play games. And they play games to feel less in the end. I want to feel life at a fast speed so I can grow and become awesome. Not a connection that moves like molasses and takes forever just to hangout.

 

[startRant]Be like Achilles. Move forward like the battle cry. And stop getting hung up on pointless things that won't matter in the greater scheme. We're hear to become stronger from people who matter and sculpt an exciting journey... Not be hung up on someone else's demons and games. Because in the end, it's YOU who loses, not them... They have already lost. Don't be a loser. Be a winner. And that starts with knowing what you want in life, and having no fear around that; switching into drive mood and going for it. Sometimes we accept games and crap because part of us things we deserve that, or they're right, or they are worth it. Someone who games from the start... Never is. Someone who always tells the truth and makes an effort, who has integrity... Imagine THAT life. Accept nothing but what you desire your life to look like.[/EndRant]

Edited by Supernatural
  • Like 4
Posted
[startRant]

Be your own man and go after what you want in life. People will always play games. And they play games to feel less in the end. I want to feel life at a fast speed so I can grow and become awesome. Not a connection that moves like molasses and takes forever just to hangout.

 

Be like Achilles. Move forward like the battle cry. And stop getting hung up on pointless things that won't matter in the greater scheme.[/EndRant]

 

Good advice :) I agree with everything you said. Although men so all that stuff too.

  • Author
Posted

Awesome post Supernatural! Great advice!

Posted
Awesome post Supernatural! Great advice!

 

From the heart of truth. Become a man that you deeply respect. Not someone who let's others bend your world into theirs.

 

Now on a very serious question...

 

What the hell is your avatar?

  • Like 1
  • Author
Posted
From the heart of truth. Become a man that you deeply respect. Not someone who let's others bend your world into theirs.

 

Now on a very serious question...

 

What the hell is your avatar?

 

 

Don't you recognize a wookiee looking cat playing a guitar when you see one? haha

  • Like 1
Posted
Don't you recognize a wookiee looking cat playing a guitar when you see one? haha

Hahah... Figured.

I don't know how much acid the person was on when they would made that, although It's worth a Google search...

 

Wookie Guitar Cat... hahaha

Posted

90% of the time the fade out means she's not that interested in you, or else there's someone else (or several someone else's) who she's more interested in or has already met.

 

There's nothing you can do about it, and I can guarantee you that if you ever get to the point where your profile is successful enough that you're getting unsolicited messages or girls offering their number or suggesting dates, you'll do exactly the some thing to some of them.

×
×
  • Create New...