DanyDan Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 He doesn't trust me, he's possessive, emotionally unavailable. I did get him to open up but I went through hell for that. I got sick of being a "demon" in his eyes constantly trying to earn his trust. It took a hit on my self-esteem because I wondered what it is that he saw that I didn't. I thought to myself: why am I always crying in this relationship? Why am I always so miserable one minute and happy the next? It's like a part of me loved him so much and the other was screaming for help. What a roller coaster. He just had a weird aggressive way about him (not the sexy kind) but he was also incredibly protective. I dumped him the first time but silly old me went back. Same issue, different time. He says he saw it coming from a mile away (me dumping him). I kept reassuring him he just kept diverting the conversation to "what if you meet someone else"? I was just sitting there thinking: Well I won't cheat on you I've never cheated. He said he had no guarantee. I understand the emotionally protecting yourself since you got dumped but who are these men who do not exist that he was looking for??? He saw a picture of me and a guy friend on my profile Facebook and immediately thought I was sleeping with him. It was like consoling a child who thought ghosts were there. I feel like internally he wanted it to end but he wanted ME to use the axe so he wouldn't feel bad. I asked him why he couldn't just love me and trust me? I've never done anything to deserve the heavy surveillance. It's like every man who walked by was a threat. I think he didn't believe I loved him or he just had major trust issues…or both! I broke up because it would end up in long distance. If he can't trust me when we lived together how is he going to trust me when I'm thousands of miles away? I would go insane trying to reassure him. I actually do feel better without him and I know I did the right thing… I just wish my damn feelings would get the hint and go away with him. Any tips on moving the process along?
lostsoul6486 Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 I'm in a very different situation than you, but I have the same feelings. I love someone who I clearly shouldn't based on the facts of what she has done to me, but I still do. This guy obviously did not have the same feelings for you that you had for him. Without trust, there is no relationship, much less love. The only real advice I could give is the tried and true "time heals all." For right now, there will be times that he will pop into your head. Whenever he does, just remember how he didn't trust you and how much of a strain that put on you. Try to remain active. Go out with friends, do things that make you happy, pick up a new hobby, etc. It might sound stupid, but one thing that really helped me get over my ex the first time we broke up was getting into a new TV series. Sometimes the smallest, dumbest things help out the most. As time goes on, you'll think of him less and less.
d0nnivain Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 Change is always tough. Even when it's the right decision you still mourn what your relationship could have been, what you wanted it to be. For now you take some time to grieve because it's still a loss. You take stick in yourself: who you are? What you want? what you've learned? You rid your living space of the momentos. Put all the digital photos on a flash drive & put it away. Rearrange your space to reduce the memories. You heal & when you are ready you move forward.
mightycpa Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 Not that I'm suggesting you should do this, but from what you describe, had you stayed with him longer, your heart would have caught up with your head, and you'd be outta there. Bottom line, you're way too sensible, and your heart needs time to catch up.
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