liove Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 (edited) We've started dating a month ago, seen each other 4 times before leaving on holidays for two weeks. last time we saw each other at his place jsut before my departure and we started kissing etc but i refused to sleep with him because i wasnt ready and for me was too soon...he was of course dissapointed during my holidays we talked a little bit by text but nothing much, he really wasnt very fast in answering or writing any texts so i let it go. i sent him a text when came back to let him know and asked when we will see each other. he replies that he is laeving on holidays as well and see each other when back. i didnt answer for a week (i know! i didnt want to look desperate) and then decided to send him a little text telling him to enjoy and give me a sign when back. it's been two days and havnt got any words from him since then, maybe he is not back from his holidays but i honestly think he is. and i tell to myself that when someone is interested, that person will reply to your text no matter what isnt it? Anyway, my question is...is he trying to make me understand he doesnt want to see me or am i exaggerating? the fact that he is slow in his answers makes me believe that. it's very strange because when we are together he seems very interested (body language, the way he looks at me) maybe he just wants sex. we made short term future fun plans like alcohol contests / karaoket etc.. Once again, maybe i am exagerating and from his side, everything is cool. I got so anxious that i even began inventing a lot of possible scenarios like he got back with his ex, he found someone else, not interested or still interested but busy etc, i even though he is so interested that he tries to back out, or even worse he is playing hard to get. BUT i also ask to myself : if he didnt want to see me, why would he tell me we will see each other when back? i mean it was the perfect time to tell me the truth (after NOTseeing each other for several weeks) Anyway, i know i should wait for his sign but i am very very anxious and even sad and of course, this "unavalability" excites me even more (i wasnt sure before whether i was into him or not, but now i totally am)...dont know what to do, he is a really nice guy and we have fun together, i wouldnt want to stop seeing him... what do you think ? is he trying to snub me? i dont know if this means anything, but he had an account on an online dating site and stopped using it the moment we met...this is the only thing that keeps my hope alive (god , i look so desperate ) Edited August 27, 2014 by liove still too long
Gaeta Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 i didnt answer for a week (i know! i didnt want to look desperate) and then decided to send him a little text telling him to enjoy and give me a sign when back. it's been two days and havnt got any words from him since then, maybe he is not back from his holidays but i honestly think he is. and i tell to myself that when someone is interested, that person will reply to your text no matter what isnt it? No, the proof is you are interested and you didn't answer for an entire week so why does he have to reply promptly? That's the danger of playing games. You've got to be ready to have that same game played back to you. If you want someone to answer you promptly then answer promptly yourself. Anyway, my question is...is he trying to make me understand he doesnt want to see me or am i exaggerating? the fact that he is slow in his answers makes me believe that. it's very strange because when we are together he seems very interested (body language, the way he looks at me) maybe he just wants sex. BINGO BUT i also ask to myself : if he didnt want to see me, why would he tell me we will see each other when back? i mean it was the perfect time to tell me the truth (after NOTseeing each other for several weeks) Because the slow fade away in the hope you forget about him is easier than being a man with a spine. Also, he's looking for sex and you might say yes eventually so why cut the rope yet. Anyway, i know i should wait for his sign but i am very very anxious and even sad and of course, this "unavalability" excites me even more And that will make you waste an important amount of time on the wrong men. he is a really nice guy and we have fun together, i wouldnt want to stop seeing him... How good is that if he does not share your joy ? what do you think ? is he trying to snub me? He is luckywarm about you, he probably multi date and has other interesting case on the go. I met a man 4 weeks ago and from there I hide my profile. It may appear it's because of him but it's just that I have 4 active prospects at the moment that I contact by phone and we go on dates so his profile being hidden means nothing. (god , i look so desperate ) And he feels it and it's not attractive to him. Slow down, this is just a dude you had a couple of dates with.
Author liove Posted August 27, 2014 Author Posted August 27, 2014 Thank you for your message. So you agree with the fact that he is not interested and that i'm NOT exaggerating. How did you manage to know that he just wants sex after the things i told you? 'cos i am still not sure... anyway, i've already read articles in which one tells the man will feel when you are desperate etc but do you really believe he feels it? i dont think so... it's strange 'cos he seemed interested in seeing me. he always proposed the other dates before finishing the current ones, i don't know what happened, honestly... and if this is real what can i do to make him interested again? i guess nothing...
hellon Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 Anyway, i know i should wait for his sign but i am very very anxious and even sad and of course, this "unavalability" excites me even more (i wasnt sure before whether i was into him or not, but now i totally am)... Trust me, the best thing you can do for yourself is to STOP waiting for a sign from him. I'm not going to say "just stop obsessing," because that's really easy to say, and pretty impossible to do. But take the advice on here, let it sink in, and when you realize that he is definitely no longer interested (which, not to be harsh, sounds like the case), you will start to feel much better, because you can move on. And maybe even remember that you weren't sure you were that into it to begin with. I just posted about something reaaaally similar on here. I went out with someone a couple times and got excited, because I actually had stuff in common with the guy, and there was a strong attraction, which doesn't usually happen for me. We were a little physical, but I didn't sleep with him. In any case, he got busy, went out of town, etc. (i.e. lost interest), and then I wasted a whole month obsessing over what happened. As far as him just wanting sex... Guys confuse sex with feelings, and chemistry with connection, and we do too, to some extent. So they get excited and seem (and probably think they are) interested when you're around, but when momentum is lost, they quickly lose interest. Anyway, don't waste more time thinking about him. Communication with someone should never be that complicated, and shouldn't make you second guess everything.
Author liove Posted August 27, 2014 Author Posted August 27, 2014 Trust me, the best thing you can do for yourself is to STOP waiting for a sign from him. I'm not going to say "just stop obsessing," because that's really easy to say, and pretty impossible to do. But take the advice on here, let it sink in, and when you realize that he is definitely no longer interested (which, not to be harsh, sounds like the case), you will start to feel much better, because you can move on. And maybe even remember that you weren't sure you were that into it to begin with. I just posted about something reaaaally similar on here. I went out with someone a couple times and got excited, because I actually had stuff in common with the guy, and there was a strong attraction, which doesn't usually happen for me. We were a little physical, but I didn't sleep with him. In any case, he got busy, went out of town, etc. (i.e. lost interest), and then I wasted a whole month obsessing over what happened. As far as him just wanting sex... Guys confuse sex with feelings, and chemistry with connection, and we do too, to some extent. So they get excited and seem (and probably think they are) interested when you're around, but when momentum is lost, they quickly lose interest. Anyway, don't waste more time thinking about him. Communication with someone should never be that complicated, and shouldn't make you second guess everything. i don't agree with the guys just wanting sex...i think they all are intrested at the beginning in a relationship but then lose interest and go with the sex only. so i think it's smth that is wrong with me or maybe smth i did that he did not like. i dont see men like animals who just want to get laid. he has a certain age, he definitely wants to get married and he was in a long relationship a year ago. another important thing, he is kind of a nerd (aka intelligent as well), he is far away from being ugly but you can sense the nerdiness in his talking so i really dont think he just wanted sex. i think he wanted that too but basically the reason he lost interest, its because of smth i did... or maybe he just didnt come back from his holidays and he will contact me when back...i sound like a naive 3y old girl anuyway, unfortunately i am from Y generation so i cant take no for an answer so evidentely if i managed to get his attention once, i think i can get it the second time too. so what should i do?! maybe i should call him if i dont hear any sings from him i dont know... anyway, like him, i love challenges...and i know that he was very interested because i was giving him the impression to be very hard to get. and to conclude, i agree with the fact that the communication shouldnt be that complicated maybe i should text him smth like "i get paranoia really quick, so i would like to know if you still want to see each other or should i let it go. you told me you were honest, so be it, i am a strong woman! :)" what do you think? or smth like "i can be very impatient with the things i want, so should i get annoyed by your silence radio?" at least i know it black and white and i can move on quicker
Gaeta Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 i don't agree with the guys just wanting sex...i think they all are intrested at the beginning in a relationship but then lose interest and go with the sex only. so i think it's smth that is wrong with me or maybe smth i did that he did not like. i dont see men like animals who just want to get laid. he has a certain age, he definitely wants to get married and he was in a long relationship a year ago. another important thing, he is kind of a nerd (aka intelligent as well), he is far away from being ugly but you can sense the nerdiness in his talking so i really dont think he just wanted sex. i think he wanted that too but basically the reason he lost interest, its because of smth i did... or maybe he just didnt come back from his holidays and he will contact me when back...i sound like a naive 3y old girl anuyway, unfortunately i am from Y generation so i cant take no for an answer so evidentely if i managed to get his attention once, i think i can get it the second time too. so what should i do?! maybe i should call him if i dont hear any sings from him i dont know... anyway, like him, i love challenges...and i know that he was very interested because i was giving him the impression to be very hard to get. and to conclude, i agree with the fact that the communication shouldnt be that complicated maybe i should text him smth like "i get paranoia really quick, so i would like to know if you still want to see each other or should i let it go. you told me you were honest, so be it, i am a strong woman! :)" what do you think? or smth like "i can be very impatient with the things i want, so should i get annoyed by your silence radio?" at least i know it black and white and i can move on quicker Men see sex first, it's normal, that's how they are wired. They are not only looking for sex but sex is the fuel that motivates them to go out there and seek a partner, that is why it's important to build an interest other than sex before getting to it. In some cases when sex is the only motivation and they don't get it, the interest fades fast. It's all done unconsciously to them. They see a girl a few times, they're motivated then it's gone and they don't even know themselves why the feeling has just gone. I met these men 10s of time. If you want to chase him then go ahead and do that. I am also the type of women that is impatient and I want a man to sh!.t or to get off the pot but each time I was the chaser It never worked, ever. BUT, the good thing was that it killed it fast, that's better than dragging something not meant to be.
Author liove Posted August 27, 2014 Author Posted August 27, 2014 (edited) just because i'm sending him a text, it means i'm chassing him?! since when?! i mean he chassed me a lot, why shouldnt i do that for something that i want?! besides, i'm not gonna send him a text in which i BEG him to text me. i'm just sending him a text to let him know that i'm not going to wait forever, that i'm intersted and if he is interseted to, he should show me cos i'll lose interest quick besides, i might try to take his defence, but evfen though he is not very fast in his texting, he always replies/sends me long texts in which a (stupid) question is implied.. maybe he is just not the typing guy...i dont know Edited August 27, 2014 by liove
Gaeta Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 just because i'm sending him a text, it means i'm chassing him?! since when?! i mean he chassed me a lot, why shouldnt i do that for something that i want?! besides, i'm not gonna send him a text in which i BEG him to text me. i'm just sending him a text to let him know that i'm not going to wait forever, that i'm intersted and if he is interseted to, he should show me cos i'll lose interest quick besides, i might try to take his defence, but evfen though he is not very fast in his texting, he always replies/sends me long texts in which a (stupid) question is implied.. maybe he is just not the typing guy...i dont know That IS chasing and also putting pressure on a man. Go ahead and do it. I am standing by for an update
HappyLove Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 "maybe i should text him smth like "i get paranoia really quick, so i would like to know if you still want to see each other or should i let it go. you told me you were honest, so be it, i am a strong woman! " what do you think? or smth like "i can be very impatient with the things i want, so should i get annoyed by your silence radio?" at least i know it black and white and i can move on quicker" Whatever you do, DO NOT send a crazy text like this! If he has two brain cells to rub together he'll likely run for the hills. Just send a simple text saying something like 'Hey, it's been a while. Want to catch up over a drink'? If he doesn't respond or says no then you know to move on. 1
hellon Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 i don't agree with the guys just wanting sex...i think they all are intrested at the beginning in a relationship but then lose interest and go with the sex only. so i think it's smth that is wrong with me or maybe smth i did that he did not like. i dont see men like animals who just want to get laid. he has a certain age, he definitely wants to get married and he was in a long relationship a year ago. another important thing, he is kind of a nerd (aka intelligent as well), he is far away from being ugly but you can sense the nerdiness in his talking so i really dont think he just wanted sex. i think he wanted that too but basically the reason he lost interest, its because of smth i did... or maybe he just didnt come back from his holidays and he will contact me when back...i sound like a naive 3y old girl anuyway, unfortunately i am from Y generation so i cant take no for an answer so evidentely if i managed to get his attention once, i think i can get it the second time too. so what should i do?! maybe i should call him if i dont hear any sings from him i dont know... anyway, like him, i love challenges...and i know that he was very interested because i was giving him the impression to be very hard to get. and to conclude, i agree with the fact that the communication shouldnt be that complicated maybe i should text him smth like "i get paranoia really quick, so i would like to know if you still want to see each other or should i let it go. you told me you were honest, so be it, i am a strong woman! :)" what do you think? or smth like "i can be very impatient with the things i want, so should i get annoyed by your silence radio?" at least i know it black and white and i can move on quicker I didn't say guys were interested in only sex, from the start. I said they confuse sex with feelings- there's a difference. In any case, if you're comfortable texting him, knowing that he may not respond- go for it. It's sounds kinda like you're more interested in the game than the guy at this point anyway. But seriously, don't use words like "paranoia" unless less you want to scare him away for sure!!! 1
Author liove Posted August 27, 2014 Author Posted August 27, 2014 Indeed i became more interested since he's changed attitude. But i decided to give him the benefit of doubt for the moment. He is not a jerk so i will trust him on this one. So no text for the moment.
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