TheBeckoningCat Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 Hello, I'm 48. I didn't waste my youth. I did my best with my chances. I had a wonderful common-law partner through my 20s and we remain good friends. I married in my 30s to a man I thought was "The One", a debonair, petite chap 10 years my senior. I hoped we would spend the rest of our lives together but then financial troubles and the charms of yet younger women supervened. Then my best friends brother (BFB) who is in his early 50s, whom I've know some 25 years, wanted to be with me but he wouldn't wait until my divorce was finalized. BFB wanted me to walk away from the marital home and make a life with him. When I asked for a bit more time to settle things properly, BFB ... dumped my sorry butt. Then another friend, an extremely handsome younger man with his own issues, was my FWB and cheered me up for awhile until... yep... my butt was dumped and still bouncing from the impact like Wilt Chamberlain got hold of me and used me as a basketball. Plus a somewhat large number of fellows asked me out then declined me when they realized there was no money left after my divorce. Then, it was time for what I can only call "The Online Bogus Booty Call Brigade" and "The Psychos of Speed Dating"... (all directly stated they wanted me to go alone at night to their parts of town for NSA, even if I"d never met them before, so I said no thank you... actually I said it quite politely). I just thought they believed I couldn't get anything better because of my age. Oh, did I mention the Nigerian scammers? Yep... I'm plankton... Anyhow, along came cute grandpa early 50s with a good job, but he was very pushy and physically aggressive after a brief coffee date, so I told him no thank you... mainly .... because now... I'm scared... I find pushy high pressure guys especially difficult at this point in my life, as I've always been a shy person. I don't blame the guys, they have a right to their joy and their own destinies, to "trade up" so to speak. Meanwhile, I've done a lot of self-improvement, with good progress in many areas of my life, but well... maybe one cannot court success in all things? Is it time to let my badly bounced butt bounce off the court for good? TheBeckoning...Cat
TheyCallMeOx Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 I'm 24, so I can't speak to you like I've been living 48 years because, in truth, I haven't. You have a lot more experience than I do with relationships, so I hope that I don't come off as a complete moron. With that being said, I'm going to apply the same advice people would possibly give if you were 28 instead of 48; set aside society's standards, and focus on what makes you happy. It's okay to sit on the bench. You've been through several relationships, some serious, some not so serious, and you've been very busy. At 48 years old, gone through the things you've gone through, I'd probably think...you know what? I need to make new friends, and I need to spend more time enjoying life instead of pursuing things with people that are never guaranteed to last. Sure, some people worry about getting older, but I believe there's someone out there for everyone, and you can't rush. In time, I'm sure you'll get back into the dating scene, but if you're unsure of what to do, you don't have to make a decision. You can say "well, I don't know what exactly I wanna do. So I'm just gonna sit in the sidelines, self-reflect, and come up with a gameplan." When you're ready to execute your gameplan, you'll be able to get back into the game probably better than ever. Just chill for a little while. Enjoy a book. Go out with some old friends. Get a new hobby. When you're ready, you'll know. Until then, just get yourself out of the relationship game for a little while; you probably need a break from men/women more than you realize.
Author TheBeckoningCat Posted August 28, 2014 Author Posted August 28, 2014 Thanks so much, I think you're right! I feel the pressure to try and find someone sooner rather than later because of my age, but that might lead to less healing and more unhappiness! So I'm going to go with your advice, no matter what others may feel about aging, Cat
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