He still hasn't kissed me!!!

August 26, 2014

Hello again everyone!

I posted an entry a few weeks, wondering why he hasn't kissed me....

And to this very day, he still has not. I understand he is very private about the physical aspect of his relationships, I respect that, as I am as well. Though, I can’t quite understand why it hasn’t happened. We have a great thing going. We have a wonderful time together, always enjoying each other’s company, the list could go on. Though each moment spent together still ends with a hug. I understand he is recently out of a long term, very serious relationship, so I don’t expect jumping right into another one to happen. I am enjoying this time we are spending together, getting together once a week or so, chatting here and there, slowly continuing to get to know one another. It is nice, I learn something new each time we talk or are together.

Anyway, to continue my story, I am in hopes that there is interest in me on his part. We had plans over the weekend, in the early morning hours, of which he inadvertently missed, all by accident. We still got together that afternoon, with my best friend and her boyfriend (whom of which he has already met). He surprised me with flowers and apologized for having accidentally stood me up earlier in the day. I greatly appreciated it. The time we had that day was wonderful. Later that evening, I walked him to his car, we hugged goodbye, he then asked me out for an adventure later this week, I accepted. We have since talked details and planned on a day. Shortly after he departed that evening, I thanked him for coming over, thanked him again for the flowers, etc. He responded with a thank you for having him over, complimented my cooking, said he really enjoyed the company of my friend and her boyfriend and looks forward to seeing them again soon, etc. We continued to chat a little after that, just laughing about things that happened during the day.

I can’t wrap my head around why he hasn’t kissed me, still! I am not one to ask, if he has his own timeline, if he truly is taking his time (we both departed long, serious relationships, so I am not looking to jump head first, I don’t think he is either..), I respect that. I mean, why would he brings me flowers and apologize for having accidentally stood me up?

Before any of you suggest it, I refuse to outwardly ask, “Why haven’t you kissed me?” That can backfire horribly, that could ruin things if something genuine is growing here. If we really are starting off as friends and letting things grow. He did say him and his ex spoke/hung out for a few months before even beginning to date, so…..

Regardless, I am not looking to push, pry or pressure. Just get an idea, is this guy into me, or not? He has suggested plans at his parents (we decided to flash back to when we were kids, and plan to have a “Bake Off” one day, taking place at his parents’ home to utilize the awesome double oven. I have already met his father, but not his mother, yet……), he asked me out again, we attend church together every week, am I just being ridiculous? Any nonchalant ways I can suggest a kiss, or get a rise of some sort? Like I said, I refuse to just ask, I won’t have it backfire on me and ruin something potentially great like it has done so to me before.

Below, I have pasted my original post from a couple weeks ago, so you can get an idea of what has happened so far:

Hello everyone,

I write to you today in hopes of maybe finding some clarity, or good old fashioned advice. Apparently, I have completely forgotten how to date, or date a gentleman, that is, HA!

On with the story...

I met a man last month, online, to both of our surprise, we enjoy each others company immensely. I am recently out of a relationship, and he, out of a long term relationship. Having done something together the last 3 weekends, we have plans this week, and have already scheduled plans for a week and a half from now. I have met his father, I have been to his parents' beautiful home, we have shared nothing but laughs, good conversation, and great times.

When together, we talk about any and everything, whatever pops up in our minds. We talked about the mundane details, or aggravating happenings at work(we both deal with similar issues, so we have a big understanding of one another's frustration at work). He is always suggesting we go and do something when he finds out I haven't done said thing before. Each time spent together ends with a hug I hope to lead to a kiss. He has complimented me on looking nice, will occasionally call me just to talk for a bit, opens the door for me, you name it, he does it.

This last time we went out, I remember feeling even more chemistry, and it heightened again when we hugged goodbye, had our eyes locked on one another after we hugged, said goodbye, wished each other a safe drive home and turned around to walk in opposite directions.

He is very kind to me, very respectful, always a pleasure to talk with and spend time with. He has been nothing but a gentleman, which is rather refreshing. Though, I can't quite put my finger on why he hasn't kissed me yet. I usually have no issue with the confidence in making the first move if I need to, but with him, well, it is different. I get crazy stomach butterflies, I am smiling ear to ear, but I just get beyond nervous around him, especially when we say goodbye, because I know I want to kiss him, I try to make the goodbye or hug linger in hopes he will kiss me, but it just hasn't happened!

We haven't really had a moment where we were alone at the end of the night, except one night, when he walked me to my door, but that was early on. All other times have been in public places. Is he nervous? Scared? Waiting for the right time? Simply not interested? We are both at a time in our life where we wanted to see what was out there(after our previous, long term/serious relationships had ended), and we stumbled across each other. I do remember him mentioning having talked with/spending time with his ex for a couple months before officially beginning to date. But I just can't wrap my head around this all. If you had to ask me, I would say there is definitely a connection there. We have both made it apparent that we have much in common, and really enjoy when we get together, and there is no sense in rushing into a relationship(since we both have had serious relationships end recently), I am enjoying our time as we are spending it, day by day. But....why no kiss???

So.....what's the deal?! Any takes, anyone?

Signed,

Stumped Sportsnut:confused:

August 26, 2014

Ok that's really odd. Crimeny! Maybe he is HSV-1 positive and is weirded out about telling you?

August 26, 2014

I was going for a more serious consideration in responses.

August 26, 2014

I would just ask him what's going on with the situation.

Or if you want to be really bold, kiss him first.

August 26, 2014

Either gay or disease. If he didn't want to jump into another relationship, he wouldn't be seeing you at all. Sounds gay to me.

You said he's private about his physical aspect of relationships. That could be another way of saying it wasn't physical with them either. Again, gay. I dated a gay guy for four years. I knew he was gay right away, but he didn't. I moved forward, hoping he was bi. He apparently wasn't. He bought gifts, got jealous and everything. Gay. Totally gay. He couldn't deal with sexuality in general, much less being gay, so he was just frozen.

August 26, 2014

I was going for a more serious consideration in responses.

And that was a serious response. I mean, we pretty much exhausted all of the other possibilities in your original thread. You've had countless people say "kiss him" or "ask him". You steadfastly refuse to do that and that's totally fine - you have to go with what works for you. But still he hasn't kissed you and it sounds like you've now put yourself in enough situations that were kiss conducive.

So, what else could keep a guy who evidently really cares for you from kissing you? Being HSV-1 positive and having a complex (pun intended) about it certainly could be one explanation of his non-kissification.

August 26, 2014

I have had that idea thrown at me already. We have spoken openly about our previous sex life with partners. We have shared that with each other. What I meant about being private is that we don't go around telling any and everyone what we do. We are both very conservative outside of the bedroom, so in essence, we have learned that both of us are closet freaks, if you will. I know he was very active with his ex, as was I.

All of this has been shared. We also discussed that we don't necessarily feel like just jumping into bed with someone right away, either. So, I don't believe, for one second that he is gay, at all. I have already dated someone in my life who swore left and right he wasn't gay, but had all of the signs. We dated for 8 months, I could count on one hand how many times we had sex. He finally came out. He screamed gay. This guy, does not. Not one bit.

August 26, 2014

I can sympathize to some extent. My DH didn't kiss me until our 3rd date. I was incredibly frustrated by then & if it hadn't happened that night I was prepared to break up with him because I didn't want to be with a man who wasn't attracted to me.

I wore a short skirt & stared at his lips a LOT during that date. It worked.

I thought about kissing him 1st & was prepared to do that when he finally got the message.

My suggestion is that you should kiss him & see what happens. If you don't get the reaction you want. move on. It won't get better

August 26, 2014

My guess is he enjoys spending time with you but really isn't attracted to you. Kissing itself is a bold statement of being attracted to somebody.

And why haven't you tried to kiss him? You share just as much blame for not being kissed as he does.

August 26, 2014

And that was a serious response. I mean, we pretty much exhausted all of the other possibilities in your original thread. You've had countless people say "kiss him" or "ask him". You steadfastly refuse to do that and that's totally fine - you have to go with what works for you. But still he hasn't kissed you and it sounds like you've now put yourself in enough situations that were kiss conducive.

So, what else could keep a guy who evidently really cares for you from kissing you? Being HSV-1 positive and having a complex (pun intended) about it certainly could be one explanation of his non-kissification.

I apologize, I was unaware you were serious. I can see where you are coming, sure, it makes perfect sense, if that is the case. Yes, I am fully aware I have been told to ask. Usually, I have no issue whatsoever doing so, but with him, well, things are different. He is wonderful, I fear hurting something great. I'd rather find it in casual conversation, a way to ask then just outing, "Why the hell haven't you?!" Something a bit more relaxed...

August 26, 2014

My guess is he enjoys spending time with you but really isn't attracted to you. Kissing itself is a bold statement of being attracted to somebody.

And why haven't you tried to kiss him? You share just as much blame for not being kissed as he does.

I feared that was the case. Why brings me flowers to apologize, though? No guy, in their right mind, would do that for a girl if they didn't want them thinking it could be something more. Had a few guy friends advise me of this. If they don't want a girl thinking they like them, they won't make gestures as such.

August 26, 2014

I can sympathize to some extent. My DH didn't kiss me until our 3rd date. I was incredibly frustrated by then & if it hadn't happened that night I was prepared to break up with him because I didn't want to be with a man who wasn't attracted to me.

I wore a short skirt & stared at his lips a LOT during that date. It worked.

I thought about kissing him 1st & was prepared to do that when he finally got the message.

My suggestion is that you should kiss him & see what happens. If you don't get the reaction you want. move on. It won't get better

We have had a handful of dates, but only one date where it was just him and I, and never really posed a moment at the end of any of our dates where a perfect first kiss would be feasible.

August 26, 2014

We have had a handful of dates, but only one date where it was just him and I, and never really posed a moment at the end of any of our dates where a perfect first kiss would be feasible.

Then you just answered your own Q. He hasn't kissed you because there hasn't been an opportunity to do so. Do more 1 on 1 things & then see what happens.

August 26, 2014

I might make a joke.

"Are you ever going to kiss me?"

Unless his response was to kiss me immediately, I would probably write him off.

If a guy didn't kiss me after a month of dating it would be a pretty big red flag.

August 26, 2014

Then you just answered your own Q. He hasn't kissed you because there hasn't been an opportunity to do so. Do more 1 on 1 things & then see what happens.

Our date this week is 1 on 1, and I thought of doing dinner and wine this weekend, just him and I, maybe a movie, with a chance for him and I to get cozy? Though, I think I have lost my ability to casually cozy up with someone lol

August 26, 2014

We have had a handful of dates, but only one date where it was just him and I, and never really posed a moment at the end of any of our dates where a perfect first kiss would be feasible.

Sorry - just saw this. Now it sounds like you are making excuses for him TBH.

Which is it? You feel he has no interest in kissing you, or he is too shy/reserved to make a move unless everything is literally perfect?

If the latter, then get to work on creating the perfect situation.

I guess.

August 26, 2014

Sorry - just saw this. Now it sounds like you are making excuses for him TBH.

Which is it? You feel he has no interest in kissing you, or he is too shy/reserved to make a move unless everything is literally perfect?

If the latter, then get to work on creating the perfect situation.

I guess.

Not necessarily an excuse, but truth. I didn't imagine our first kiss happening with tons of people around, which is how the majority of our dates have ended.

August 26, 2014

You said you were both closet freaks, so if you're able to talk about things like that, then you should be able to talk about kissing. I had another idea. He is only sexy when wearing women's clothing and is working his way up to springing that on you. I know a guy like that. He had a very stinted sex life because he didn't feel himself unless he was dressed girlie and yet he wasn't gay but wanted a woman who would be okay with that. He was a business acquaintance of mine and it took him a long time to tell anyone and he told his closest female friends. he told me by asking me to dinner and showing me a photo of him dressed up like me:eek:

There's a mecca in Providence RI for that so he began going there a lot because it also attracted like-minded women. Not sure the outcome.

I would also just bring up that most guys who are taking it slow and showing the girl every respect will kiss but not do a lot of other things. You can't hold everything back very long and still call it a romantic relationship.

Edited August 26, 2014 by preraph

August 26, 2014

Escalate the touching. Grab his arm or hand when you walk. Ruffle his hair. Wipe an imaginary crumb from the side of his mouth.

August 26, 2014

Escalate the touching. Grab his arm or hand when you walk. Ruffle his hair. Wipe an imaginary crumb from the side of his mouth.

This I did think about doing. He made unexpected contact with me, after we all finished eating, he leaned over, and rubbed my back, thanking me and saying it was delicious. It was the first time he had touched me other than our hugs hello and goodbye. The little gestures I think I can do no problem..

August 26, 2014

This I did think about doing. He made unexpected contact with me, after we all finished eating, he leaned over, and rubbed my back, thanking me and saying it was delicious. It was the first time he had touched me other than our hugs hello and goodbye. The little gestures I think I can do no problem..

I was in the same predicament, SIX dates and he hasn't kissed me. At the seventh, he brought me flowers. I just said: "Oh, thank you so much! Give me a kiss!" Well, I was thinking on the cheek, but he kissed me on the lips. And then he kissed me again at the end of the night. And at the 8th date he kissed me many times. Problem finally solved with this one.

But I dated two other guys who didn't kiss me after a LONG time and with those I just dumped them.

August 26, 2014

I was in the same predicament, SIX dates and he hasn't kissed me. At the seventh, he brought me flowers. I just said: "Oh, thank you so much! Give me a kiss!" Well, I was thinking on the cheek, but he kissed me on the lips. And then he kissed me again at the end of the night. And at the 8th date he kissed me many times. Problem finally solved with this one.

But I dated two other guys who didn't kiss me after a LONG time and with those I just dumped them.

I really like him, a lot. Those who have met him really like him as well. He is truly wonderful. I don't know what it is, but I am terrified to ask him to kiss me, or ask why he hasn't, etc.

I truly fear that maybe he just likes spending time with me but has no attraction towards. Yet we make plans frequently, and why would he have brought flowers to apologize for standing me up?

August 26, 2014

I really like him, a lot. Those who have met him really like him as well. He is truly wonderful. I don't know what it is, but I am terrified to ask him to kiss me, or ask why he hasn't, etc.

I truly fear that maybe he just likes spending time with me but has no attraction towards. Yet we make plans frequently, and why would he have brought flowers to apologize for standing me up?

Try kissing him on the cheek and touching him a lot! Look at his lips during dinner. Do something! I think he likes you.

One of my former non-kissers: One I confronted about it. I didn't say 'why didn't you kiss me", because it was more than that he didn't kiss me. He was not consistent, he was asking me out last minute, he wasn't keeping in touch between dates. So after THREE MONTHS of this crap, I asked him if he is interested in dating me, or just wants to be friends. I said I am not interested in being friends with men I'm attracted to. And he started to defend himself about not having sex with me (never asked, long ways until then), saying he wasn't gay, and that we haven't met enough times that he is sure he wants a relationship with me. I didn't ask about that either, I just wanted to know if he wants to just be friends or DATE because it didn't look that we were dating at all. So it wasn't just no kissing.

Another one, messy divorce blah blah, he was seeing me only once every other week. I let him go because of that, and he defended himself about the kissing, without being asked, saying that supposedly I intimidated him. I don't think that was true. I also think this one wasn't sure he wanted a relationship with me and therefore was stalling at all levels.

But your guy seems interested, he compliments you, takes you out regularly, initiates, brought you into his life... He might be conservative. I decided to let people come into their feelings in their own time, but sometimes you need to give a little encouragement.

Good luck! When do you meet next?

August 26, 2014

Oh, and don't ask "why haven't you kissed me", that's not a good idea. Just try to be more flirty. And be patient, it become clear eventually what's what.

August 26, 2014

I was in the same predicament, SIX dates and he hasn't kissed me. At the seventh, he brought me flowers. I just said: "Oh, thank you so much! Give me a kiss!" Well, I was thinking on the cheek, but he kissed me on the lips. And then he kissed me again at the end of the night. And at the 8th date he kissed me many times. Problem finally solved with this one.

But I dated two other guys who didn't kiss me after a LONG time and with those I just dumped them.

Try kissing him on the cheek and touching him a lot! Look at his lips during dinner. Do something! I think he likes you.

One of my former non-kissers: One I confronted about it. I didn't say 'why didn't you kiss me", because it was more than that he didn't kiss me. He was not consistent, he was asking me out last minute, he wasn't keeping in touch between dates. So after THREE MONTHS of this crap, I asked him if he is interested in dating me, or just wants to be friends. I said I am not interested in being friends with men I'm attracted to. And he started to defend himself about not having sex with me (never asked, long ways until then), saying he wasn't gay, and that we haven't met enough times that he is sure he wants a relationship with me. I didn't ask about that either, I just wanted to know if he wants to just be friends or DATE because it didn't look that we were dating at all. So it wasn't just no kissing.

Another one, messy divorce blah blah, he was seeing me only once every other week. I let him go because of that, and he defended himself about the kissing, without being asked, saying that supposedly I intimidated him. I don't think that was true. I also think this one wasn't sure he wanted a relationship with me and therefore was stalling at all levels.

But your guy seems interested, he compliments you, takes you out regularly, initiates, brought you into his life... He might be conservative. I decided to let people come into their feelings in their own time, but sometimes you need to give a little encouragement.

Good luck! When do you meet next?

He has explained that he is very conservative, which I can see. He is outgoing, holds conversation very well, but also quite proper at times. I know his parents are very conservative as well. And after each time together, even after we already hug goodbye, I catch us slowly walking away form each other, while still engaging in conversation, usually when he asks me to do something else.

We are getting together this Thursday, actually.

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He still hasn't kissed me!!!

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