Down Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 I've been dating this guy for last half a year, but I don't think this is really even about the guy....I've always have this problem whenever I am in a relationship. At the beginning it was always the guy who was crazy about it and I wasn't really into it, after a while, let's say a few months or so I am the one who started getting obesses with the relationship even if the guy isnt' really that "great". Let's just say I don't have problem looking for a bf since I am young and reasonably attractive (By the way I'm Asian). I must sound kindda over confident of myself or something but the truth is I have very low self confidence.....most cases I'd start worrying about my guy not loving me enough and eventually it always turn out that I"m the one who pay more attention than the other person. I feel like I'm always the one who wants to see him, wants to call him, get jealous almost about everything and anything. I feel sick, I just WISH i don't even feel like that, I wish it's my guy who's obsess about me and not the other way around, because I am just so tired of always being the one who want so much. I know I'm too needy, yet I can't help myself, my friends told me to try to pay attentin on something else like reading, outdoor stuff, other social life and work etc etc, I did try but msot of the time I realize i still think about the guy more than anything else. The saddest thing is that the guy I'm with isn't really a catch, I am not saying he's not good enough, but he is just the regular type of guy you see everyday, yet becuz I fell in love with him that he seems to be the whole world to me. Even every time we argue, I am always the person who call him back, i don't want to do that but i can't help myself but look at the clock every 5 min and waiting for him to call me back. Is this a disorder? It doesn't matter what I do it just seems that I am overly obsessed with him. I cry alot, I am not saying he doesn't love me, I just wish that I can feel less about him so that we can both be happier. Am I not trying enough? Every moment I am forcing myself not to give in it causes so much pain, it's like i just have to keep focussing on the pain until the solution comes. I can never be the type of sleep over problems until i solve it Is it abnormal? is there anyone out there who can give me a suggestion of what i should really do? While I'm writing this, I am already in a fight with my bf, he hasn't call me back yet, and I don't want to call him back as well, becuz i feel that if i give in every time, he'll take it for granted, and I dont' want to start crying and screaming at him becuz I am still angry at him. Can someone please tell me what I should to be less emotional? I am really lost, thanks for reading this.
daterhater Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 I'm sorry I have no advice to offer you, but I completely understand. I was/am in your boat. It makes being in a relationship really stressful. Complete ups and downs. I also have no trouble finding dates. (not being conceited here). guys like me and find me attractive, but i close myself off to most guys. my last boyfriend wasn't a catch either, but the way you felt with your boyfriend is EXACTLY how i felt with him. i got jealous, worried he didn't like me as much as i liked him, got pissed when he wanted to watch tv and not talk to me, etc. i know exactly what you're going through. my only advice is find other things you enjoy. easier said than done. don't make him your whole life. have times where you tell him you can't hang out because you're busy with your own life. it'll make you feel more confident. i think it's a confidence issue. get more confidence, feel better about yourself, LOVE YOURSELF, and you will have a healthy relationship. you'll also probably realize he's not good enough for you.
Down Posted March 2, 2005 Posted March 2, 2005 Hi, Thanks for your msg anyway, at least I dont' feel like I'm alone. Actually I feel alittle better now, I listen to an advice from a friend, maybe it's not the best way but I guess it works too. My friend told me that, the only way to make him care about you more is , no matter how hard it is, do NOT call him until he calls you, no matter how much you want to call, you gotta wait until he calls you....if he doesn't, then there's something wrong with the both of you, and it worked sort of, my bf is now apologizing the whole night only becuz I am not as "needy" as usual, i guess he notice the change and isn't very used to the way I am, I dont' mean tto be extremely cold to him, I am just being alittle less "eager" to talk like i always do, but i remain friendly, just not as talkative. But I know it's not good to overdo it though, otherwise it'd make things worse....
xtaraleksbfx Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 hi hun i know exactly what youre going through because im going through the same thing right now i cry every day because he hasnt texted or called me in like a month so im in the same boat as you are too but all i can really say is just wait patiently for him to come to you and when he does just tell him that you miss him and ask him what hes been doing lately, like why he hasnt called. the reason youre crying is because you dont know whats going on, thats why you need to ask him...but wait for him to call you. im sorry i dont have much more advice for you but i hope this helps
Down Posted March 7, 2005 Posted March 7, 2005 Thanks alot for your message...now what make things worse now is that I maybe going away for 6 months to work that's like 3000km away from here.....(if u read the LDR part, LDR is me). Since I'm so needy and such, I am already having a hard time trying to cope with this kind of situation, and now I have to go even further away from him. We will probably see each other about 5 times during this half a year but that compares to now seeing almost everyday is like....you can probably imagine it. I don't know, I am pretty lost, one thing I would worry abt if he's gonna be good, second thing i worry the most is that if we argue over the phone, it's very difficult for both of us becuz we can't see each other afterward to make things better. And like I said, I am very emotional and I"m afraid if that happens it'd affect my work so much and I'd screw everything. I'm probably leaving next month and there i have no friends and family, I know it's gonna be tough. Yet, I know this is a very good opportunity for me and i don't want to regret not going. Sometimes I really wonder if I should just stay single, it's like whenever I"m in a relatiionshp there are always problems...
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