Missredhead Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 You can read my other posts. Was in a relationship for 6 years, he was unsure then Sunday he came with his friend took all his things. I sit here now from my hospital bed after taking a near fatal overdose, I know in stupid. I'm just broken and now even more broken, I've done everything wrong to pouring my heart out over text and crying, begging, absolutely horrific. I'm lost to the point I don't even know, I've just blocked his number on my phone because he's told me to basically go away. I don't want people to feel sorry for me nor be hurtful. I just want someone to understand and talk to.
SycamoreCircle Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 I am sorry for your pain. I know how you feel. It gets better, I promise. You say you did many things wrong. I don't know the details of your relationship. I have come to the conclusion, though, that the success of relationships are dependent on one very big thing: maturity. And maturity from both sides. Realize that your situation is a call for growth. Growth and awareness must happen and it will happen. Realize also that in 4 months or 1 year or 2 years, you will look at this juncture very differently than you do now. Resist the urge to do something drastic! Begin to educate yourself on the choices you made. Use this forum---it is an eye opener. They don't teach this stuff in school. Coming from a 38 year old man, I'm learning the laws of stewardship in a relationship. In the future, I will be more prepared, more careful and an even better partner to someone. You will too! 1
Author Missredhead Posted August 26, 2014 Author Posted August 26, 2014 Thank you for not judging me. I am struggling so badly. I know I have to try and fix myself before anything else. I guess I just hold on to thread after thread of hope, because the hope keeps Me going. It's unhealthy I know. Even though I blocked his number. I still think maybe in a few weeks, months, years... We can reconnect. I know It's wishful thinking deep down but I guess because we have broken up before and it's always him to come back. I think it's going to be like that. But I know I pushed it too far this time. It's hard. I don't even know how to get through today. Why is this affecting me so so deeply, I wish I could be like him and shut it away. I can't. I'm so lost, so hurt.
SycamoreCircle Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 I have read a little of your situation. Know that there most likely will come a time when the two of you will talk again. But not for a very long time. Probably not until the emotions you're feeling are long since gone. Take things one step at a time. Start looking at things in very practical terms. What do you need to do to get yourself back on your feet? Focus on self-empowerment. You're going to break down. Encourage that. Trust it. Give in to it. It is part of the process of grieving. Read about NC. Practice it religiously. If you break it, pick yourself up again and start over.
Author Missredhead Posted August 26, 2014 Author Posted August 26, 2014 Thank you, I've just been refferred to a therapy team that are going to work with me to help with my attachment and emotional issues. I feel like absolute hell, he told me to I'm nicer terms to go get lost earlier today, that's what made me block the number. I hate being hyper sensitive and everything hurts like 3 million tons of bricks and then some. I'm exhausted. But you are right, I need to try and heal or so something, this overdose was more than enough to kill me without the NAC antidote so this can't go on.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 Do you realise how much damage attempting suicide does to the trust of your family, friends. Partners? Everyone will now tread in eggshells waiting for you to do it again, which I'm sure u won't but that's what they will all think. Was this man worth more than your family? Was he worth more than your life? No he wasn't. No matter what happens in life, how bad it gets don't ever do something like that again. Things ALWAYS get better so when you are feeling like that again try & remember that for your family's sake if not your own x
Author Missredhead Posted August 26, 2014 Author Posted August 26, 2014 Very aware. I have a bipolar mother. Extremely aware of how it feels. Lecturing me doesn't take it away. I'm trying to be honest and clear so I can go forward and never do it again.
Requiem4Dreams Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 I've been there. Suffered from depression for about 20 years of my life so far. Also had quite a few instances of suicidal tendencies. Through-out the trials and tribulations I learned that regardless of how much crap I went through, I couldn't bear the idea of the world winning by that kind of escape. Sometimes you're strong out of necessity, and you get tired of holding onto the burden. We only get one shot at this though, and I've had support from some amazing people, some of whom I had never even met before. I guess what I'm saying is don't discount where you might find support. We all are here to help you through this. You just have to give yourself the credit that you ARE stronger than you think you are . Hope is only really gone, when you are. 1
Heartbroken Eagle Posted August 26, 2014 Posted August 26, 2014 Hi Missredhead I've just read your thread and I am literally broken hearted hearing what you have just gone through. Thank god you've been saved. 18 months ago I found out my partner of 12 years and mother of my son had cheated on me, and we split. It was quite simply the worse moment of my life, never felt so low and I really thought I will never get over the pain, crying every day. Eventually I had considered taking my own life but I could not because of the pain it would cause my son and he needs me... I realised I needed help, went to my GP who referred me to a wonderful therapist. Also a few friends have been awesome in their support. Some have been through similar experiences. They all said the same thing though, IT TAKES TIME BUT YOU WILL GET THERE!!! It is true, but it may be a tough journey at times, I'm still on it and it really is a roller coaster, but don't get off it, it will be worthwhile!!! Please don't be afraid to talk. Also, some of the advice on Loveshack have been wonderful. Good Luck x
Waynester Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 You are lost.. but not alone. Reaching out, even if only on here is better than the alternative of not being around anymore. I know how low you must feel to do what have..& how much it hurts. The thought of not having, or being with that person anymore fills you with so much heartbreak pain..it's more than you can take, or want to take. I can't write anything here that will take the pain away, or turn back time so that it never happened. It's the worst feeling in the world. You feel your heart breaking and it's almost to much to bare. I know this feeling..I'm sharing it with you too. Just know that you're not alone..there are people who can and will listen, including me. It's not much..but it's here if you need it. This time, this pain..won't last forever, it can't. At least, that is what I keep telling myself. So we just have to keep fighting, in the hope that one day soon..things will feel better, and be better. You are worth far more than you realise. Keep going! As Kate Bush & Peter Gabriel once sang... Don't give up 'cos you have friends Don't give up You're not beaten yet Don't give up I know you can make it good 1
daphs Posted August 27, 2014 Posted August 27, 2014 I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through, and I know you may not see it right now, but it does get better, I promise it does. When my ex left me, I actually considered ending my life too, but couldn't go through it knowing it would destroy my family; now two months later, even though the pain is still so so powerful, I can start to see clearly, and even feel a little hopeful for the future with or without him. Sending you hugs, hang in there.
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