How can I stop myself getting in unnecessary bad moods with my boyfriend?

[recycledheart]

As I said in the title of this thread, I often get in bad moods with my boyfriend for the silliest, most unnecessary reasons. I only see him at the weekends and I find myself getting annoyed at him for almost no reason at all at least once every week. I've been aware of it for weeks, and I always tell myself to stop, and that I won't do it again, but it keeps happening.

 

To give you some examples of the ridiculous things I get annoyed about: I've gotten pissed off at him because he put on a movie I didn't like, one time I wouldn't let him touch me because he wanted us to spend the evening hanging out with his family rather than spend time alone together, and last weekend I got annoyed at him because he woke me up, then went back to sleep himself.

 

They're all such stupid, selfish things, and I always apologise afterwards and tell him that I love him and that I don't mean it. He always forgives me, since he's such a sweet, loving person. He's never been in a bad mood with me, not once -hes always loving and affectionate. Once these moods pass, I really hate myself because I know he doesn't deserve it at all.

 

So any advice on how I can prevent this before it happens again would be great because I don't want to lose him. I love him so much and I really don't understand why I'm doing this to him.

[54JA]

Have you told him about how you are now working on changing this? He sounds like a really nice guy, and I think he would appreciate that you acknowledge these behaviors and your intentions for changing them.

 

Sometimes, when I get angry, I try to momentarily distract myself with a thought of a "passing cloud." I try to visualize a moving cloud and tell myself that whatever I'm feeling will pass in a moment. This is a spot treatment, though.

 

For long term, there are some things you can consider doing. I know this is gonna sound generic, but:

 

1) reduce stress (e.g., exercise)

2) find a good time to tell him what you need him to do (not when you are angry), one issue at a time

3) try to find the cause for your mood (for example, do you get into your bad mood when you are disappointed? When your boyfriend doesn't meet your expectation?)

 

I hope this helps...

[DrSimple]

My suggestion is to go talk to your GP. If you are experiencing mood swings like that for very little reason there could be an underlying medical reason that needs to be looked at, your GP can help you discuss your problem and see if it is a sign of anything in particular.

[Gaeta]

Are you like that with everyone around or just him?

[d0nnivain]

When you catch yourself doing these things, before you say anything stop & take a breath. Then think about how lucky you are that he wants to spend alone time watching a movie. If you don't care for the film you can concentrate on him - getting snacks, giving him a back rub or doing something else while snuggled up next to him because the movie doesn't need your full attention. Remember you are lucky that he wants you to be around his family because he's taking unconscious baby steps toward integrating all of you.

 

Take the things you view as negative & reasons to snap & find the silver lining.

[Smilecharmer]

Release the nice guy. Find a jerk who won't let you act poorly. Figure out with a T why you have anger issues. It is good you recognize this. Poor guy needs some balls. No one should accept poor behavior. You need outside help. I hope you figure this out.

[Eternal Sunshine]

When I do stuff like that it's because there is a deeper issue with the relationship that I don't want to face.

[Fondue]

When I do stuff like that it's because there is a deeper issue with the relationship that I don't want to face.

 

When I first finished reading the OP, my initial thought was: "Maybe she's looking for drama..."

 

Then I read your post. And it makes me want to agree with my initial idea even more.

 

Some people just love a litte drama. Maybe you're subconsciously trying to cause it. I dunno.

[d0nnivain]

I don't think OP needs drama. I think she resents her BF because she only gets to see him on weekends. She doesn't know what to do with that feeling so it comes out in these little petty spats.

[Fondue]

I don't think OP needs drama. I think she resents her BF because she only gets to see him on weekends. She doesn't know what to do with that feeling so it comes out in these little petty spats.

 

Whelp, that actually makes more sense than what I wrote.

 

Well played.

[Smilecharmer]

No she has issues not pertaining to bf. Anger and bad moods stem from pre-existing issues. Her guy should tell her to work it out and find someone better. Some people accept mediocrity and some accept being treated poorly. They have their own issues. Bad moods are indicative of a bad character.

[Els]

Are you like this with anyone else or just him?

 

Did you start BC pills recently, or when the R started?

[ap10]

I have been in a similar situation with an ex girlfriend. She was acting like you.

 

You need to be smart about it. My ex didnt always act like this. Before she was always nice, but then you have moments when your moody thats normal. However hers continued. I realized it over time, gave her the benefit of the doubt. It continued, so i withdrew and then she began questioning, asking if she upset me, telling me how much she misses me etc. (i wasn't living with her so it was easy to withdraw, but saw her 5 times a week)

 

In the end we broke up. As an experienced guy, her actions (like yours) are signs of either:

 

1) losing attraction/interest/love with your other half

2) Having a serious issue with your partner (but it doesn't sound like that as you havent really listed a problem, apart from the fact hes so NICE!)

3) You are confused and he may not be the right one for you

 

Be REAL to yourself and think. Especially if this has been going on for a while. Remember that your loved one should be the one you are most comfortable with and enjoy your moments with. The problems or disappointments you have between each other will always happen like everything relationship in the world, BUT they will only happen when there is ACTUALLY a problem. Not for silly things where one person chooses to be angry/disappointed all the time.

[bubbaganoosh]

I think that you have a basic routine that you follow and seeing him on the weekends you have to make changes and making changes is disrupting your routine.

 

If you saw him a bit more often like him coming over a few times a week, you would be able to make adjustments rather than just Saturday and Sunday. Your trying to cram a whole week in to 48 hours.

[recycledheart]

I've spoken to my mother about the situation, and she said something that made a lot of sense. Whenever my boyfriend asks me if I'd like to do something -like watch a movie I may not be a fan of, or spend time with him and his family instead of being alone together- I always say yes even if I don't want to, because I don't want to upset him, and then I just get mad at myself for not speaking up and end up taking it out on him. Im just cutting my nose to spite my face.

 

I've always been like this, I just tend to go along with what others want to do even if I don't want to. I don't speak up, I don't say what's on my mind. I've realised that in these situations I'm basically expecting him to read my mind, which he can't since he's only human. I've realised that in these situations I need to just tell him the truth, and find a compromise that would suit us both. Like telling him 'I don't really like that movie but maybe we can pick out something we'll both like.' Or, 'I don't mind spending with your family but I would like some alone time with you too.'

 

I think I need to focus on communicating with him a little better, and on telling him what's on my mind rather than waiting for him to guess what the problem is and getting annoyed when he doesn't. What do you guys think?

[d0nnivain]

I think your mother is a smart woman & you need to listen to her

[Gloria25]

Have you told him about how you are now working on changing this? He sounds like a really nice guy, and I think he would appreciate that you acknowledge these behaviors and your intentions for changing them.

 

Sometimes, when I get angry, I try to momentarily distract myself with a thought of a "passing cloud." I try to visualize a moving cloud and tell myself that whatever I'm feeling will pass in a moment. This is a spot treatment, though.

 

For long term, there are some things you can consider doing. I know this is gonna sound generic, but:

 

1) reduce stress (e.g., exercise)

2) find a good time to tell him what you need him to do (not when you are angry), one issue at a time

3) try to find the cause for your mood (for example, do you get into your bad mood when you are disappointed? When your boyfriend doesn't meet your expectation?)

 

I hope this helps...

 

Agreed ^^

 

Cuz, when I have me period...I am NOT myself. And worst, it isn't the same every month. I cry, I get angry, I think the world is going to cave in on me and it's like I'm watching myself from a distance and can't stop myself. But would I slap a cop? No, because no matter what hormonal imbalance is going on, I believe that we all know when we're doing right or wrong and have "some" ability to stop ourselves.

 

So, what did I do? I would tell my guy that "right now is not a good time"...And distance myself. I will even tell him that I'm hormonal and/or having me period so I need to chill. I also do this with my family members and close friends. I don't do it at work because I don't want them to use it against me, but if I'm really nutty, I'll try calling in sick - I mean it gets so bad where I get migraines, vomiting, etc.

 

So, I think when you feel the urge/triggers coming on you need to stop yourself.

 

I also believe there "is" some underlying hostility here and you are probably being "passive/aggressive" - instead of dealing with what is making you unhappy. I wonder if it has something to do with I'm only seeing you on weekends?

[DrSimple]

I think your mother is a smart woman & you need to listen to her

 

Seconded. Your mother has the best advice, seems like you hit the nail on the head!

 

Communication is key!

[54JA]

I totally agree with your mom too!! I think compromise is really important for a lasting relationship. With the movies, it's kinda hard, though (I don't want you two to end up watching something mediocre in the name of compromise). You can flip a coin, or agree to watch it this time, but next time, you get to watch what you want. I'm sure you already know this, but just because he suggests something you might not like does not mean he doesn't love you!